I wake up every day thinking today is the day i will get the call saying my mother has passed. Some days I think this would be such a relief and then i feel guilty about it. She has terminal cancer but is not sick yet and i want her to pass before she is in pain.
I think the key to this is "What does your mother want?"
You say she is not sick yet and not in pain. Does she get any kind of gratification out of being alive?
If yes, then what is the rush?
PS to jsomebody - You think we could get "MOT" widely recognized as an acromym for "miserable old trout"? I'd love to start using it personally!
The other day my mother had slept in until after 10:00 AM, something that was highly unusual for her. I found myself hoping that she had passed away in her sleep and what a relief it would be. When I heard her stirring around in her room, I was almost disappointed then I felt terrible for the thoughts I had just had. I do love my mother but the disruption in our lives is unbearable. She has always been a mean-spirited person but as time has gone on she has become vicious. Example: She was sitting out on the front porch one evening and three ladies from our development walked by. My mother has now taken to referring to them as 'those hateful bitches'. Really? She doesn't know them, doesn't know a thing about them, but in her mind that's what they are. It's a lot of fun at my house - NOT! So, yeah, I think many of us have those thoughts.....we're only human. Don't beat yourself up for wanting your life back.
On the other hand, I've had to deal with my father-in-law who was disappointed she didn't pass "on schedule" with his plans to have the funeral on a Saturday - (she passed on a Thursday and he had made the arrangements on Tuesday before she was dead). We had the funeral the day after Mother's Day.
Now my father-in-law has decided to move from Nebraska down here to Alabama "because he is lonely" on the weekends (his week is filled with his activities)....I see my weekends becoming filled with his visits to my house as he has found an assisted living place here in AL. I'm dreading it - I was giving the news the other day and came back to work to cry.
He is 81 years old, still drives (informs us he cannot move to AL until after his cataract surgery - yes, unbelievably he neglected to tell us this and drove 800 miles to my house for Christmas)
Think of Walter Mathau in "Grumpy Old Men" and you will have met my father-in-law. Everything I say is wrong or made up - but he counts on me to pamper him like his wife had done before she took ill.
I'm sorry to vent when I was really trying to comfort you!
God Bless
Yeah so I am a miserable old trout I don't CARE!
I know the day is coming that she will not be waking up, and I've got passed feeling guilty about it, but it's a heck of a way to start each day.