Mom has good days and bad...
Has anyone experienced their loved one being real full of energy one day and then the next just sleeps all day? Mom is 96 and dying of cancer we do not know what kind but it may be in her stomach. She had an Ultra Sound that showed spots on her liver that metastasize from another organ. She did not want further tests done and no treatment. She has been on Hospice for about 21 days now. I am blown away when she still eats a little but she always ends up throwing most of it up. She says it feels like the food is stuck in her upper tummy. She never remembers me, her daughter and then when she does she says oh you are my daughter. I know the Hospice nurse can't say if she is in the preactive stage of dying but has anyone seen this before. She sleeps at least 18 hours a day.
When my Mother-in-law was dying from liver cancer, the nurse kept coming in the room to swab the inside of Mom's mouth so it wasn't dried out and put chapstick on her lips.
NO ONE, including my husband, asked if they could help the nurse by having her give instructions for one of us to do this job; the nurse could be helping someone who needed her more.
I ASKED. I was raised Pentecostal as we always helped take care of those dying to help the family. Jewish faith basically does not allow for this.
The nurse also explained to me how they time the breathing so I could tell if Mom's time was coming closer.
I talked to Mom like she was alert, the hearing is the last sense to go. My in-laws thought I was crazy. If it were not for this nurse instructing me, the family would not have known that it was time to say their goodbyes, especially my husband, sister and brother.
She passed away with my husband holding her hand and talking with her.
I called my Mom who came to the hospital to sit with me and our daughter sat with her grandmother holding her hand.
My step-sister-in-law was AGHAST!! Our daughter told her that she was not going to let go of grandma's hand until the funeral home came for grandma.
There should be a hospice counselor to help you know the signs too.
If she starts talking to family who you know are deceased....the time is near.
If she's throwing up every time after eating, maybe she genuinely can't digest food anymore. So here's a hard, direct question: why is she eating nowadays? Sometimes people eat because they feel hungry and other times because they remember liking the taste of a particular food or the feel of it in their mouth. Both of those would be good reasons to offer her a VERY small portion -- just a bite or two. It can be helpful to use a small plate so the small portion doesn't look so forlorn in an empty plate.
Other times people eat because it's mealtime with the family and they imagine they would be rude if they didn't. Or because someone offers and they don't like to refuse.
I haven't met her, so take this advice with a large grain of salt please. But here's how I'm adding it up. She's 96, she has cancer in at least 2 places and one of them is the liver, she doesn't want further treatment, she's on Hospice. I would probably not offer food unless she asks for it, and then only very small portions. I would continue to offer water as long as she doesn't throw that back up, too. If meals have been a social occasion, it would be good to spend the same amount of time socializing with her as before -- just not with eating.
Recognizing you sometimes and not other times is, unfortunately, quite common in this situation. Lots of factors, even if there hasn't been dementia.
For one thing, her waking consciousness may not be all it used to be. She may wake more slowly. If she's dreaming a lot, the dreams may remain present longer into her waking process and she may not recognize you at all or may imagine you to be someone else.
For another thing, she may think of you a lot of the time, but be remembering you in a previous decade -- sometimes one a long way off. If you resemble anyone in a previous generation, she may misidentify you as that person, calling a daughter by a sister's name or an aunt's name. Because she thinks of 'my daughter' as being 10 years old, or 30, not the age you are now.
Liver metastases inevitably interfere with liver function, which can cause some disturbance of consciousness as the blood chemistry becomes more abnormal from the liver not doing its job properly.
Nobody can predict how long someone will live, even on hospice. No one can say when she will enter the active dying phase. But you might ask the nurse whether this looks like 'weeks to months' or whether it looks like 'days to weeks'. From what you've written, it sounds like longer than 'hours to days' but definitely not 'months to years.'
Just take the good days that you can get with her.