she has no business doing. There is no reasoning with her as she starts in with 'you're a bully' and 'I'm going to call someone to get you to calm down.' Just this morning she was asking me what to do about an apartment that had become available. She is manipulating her sister and triangulating because she is jealous of her sister and my relationship. I don't think this is a question but venting more than anything.
I quit my job last month because it was more than I could handle doing the yard and handling her hatefulness, if I don't say the right thing or how I say it. She likes to sit on the porch and watch me work in the yard and tell me how I should be mowing the yard. About this incident she was starting in on how awful the yard looks. It is summer here yall. It is a half acre and I detest being watched while I work in it. She is making me ill. And she is trying to steal my thunder by saying I am making her nauseated. She mimicks every single frickin' thing I say and do. It's like she can't think for herself. It's maddening.
I want to pull up my big girl panties and tell her what's what, but she is so good at this game. So very good.
Should I just say to hell with and let her run the show. I mean to say-so she can just run wild with it and damn the consequences? I usually end up with a mess, and more and more of nothing left to lose. <haha. oxymoron there
1. My house. My rules.
2. If anyone (not me) dislikes or disapproves, keep any NEGATIVE feedback to yourself OR do it better yourself" (to MY satisfaction) or hire a pro that YOU pay for who must do job to your and my approval OR... Find somewhere else to live.
3. " If you can't say something nice, Say it to someone other than me or keep it to yourself." This is a positive and happy household. You are welcome to go some place else where your criticism is welcomed. If she says she won't be happy anywhere else, Then tell her, "but I will, And only one of us would be miserable."
4. Ask her to make a list of all the things she likes about you and living with you. If she can't come up with anything, And tell her she probably should find another Place to live because you want to spend the rest of your life happy and not unhappy.
Ahm: I tried what you said re the moving elsewhere and we made the calls to the apartments. The issue is with Section 8 and the waiting list to apply can take up to 2 yrs to open up and then its a catch 22.
When I said to her what you said. She said, 'I won't be happy anywhere' and this is a fact. Read my other comments for further explanation.
You may need to put your foot down and give her a time limit so she stops this business with your aunt. Get boxes and start “helping” her pack up. When she does move, cut the financial “help” line. She’s holding it over your head. Rework your budget so you don’t need the extra cash. Mom is not in control, even if she thinks she is.
So I just told her I think she needs to go ahead and accept it and I would help her move. And I mean it. She is paying me rent here only because I knew if she was going to pay it somewhere us then I needed it here and she calls it helping me and if she moves to low income she can keep 'helping me' so I have perpetuated all this bs by not standing up for myself. She keeps threatnening she 's calling someone to tell on me (lol) for elder abuse and then she says no, I don't want them to know how crazy you're acting. ughh
Thus, the parent will pick up where they left off trying to raise that adult child. That the grown child isn't doing this right or that right. This situation isn't easy to change where there are two grown adults in the house. It's just part of human nature. I know it isn't easy.
The best relationships is when there is humor involved. When the parent starts to "teach" politely listen and say "great idea, Mom", and in the back of your mind chuckle that here Mom still thinks you are 12 years old :)
May I ask why Mom is living with you? If we had more information it would be very helpful.