I was happy to find this website. My husband and I live with my 97 year old Mom. She is quite healthy but has nearly no short term memory. It is very frustrating and I get no help from my sibling, even though she is the favorite! Nice to be able to come here and see others going thru the same thing or worse.
We have differing values and perspectives, and as the elder, I have a tendency to "run" things. I am legally responsible for Mom and her estate, and need to stay in control so things run smoothly. My sister's ideas are much different than mine, and we don't always see eye to eye how things should go. I have been humbled (or convicted) that I need to be gentler in my response toward everyone, but still be a leader. What do you call a two-headed leader? A freak, or monster. So my people skills are being honed to handle things with more of God's grace, love and direction. And it is going better. Mom still complains, but things have smoothed considerable with my sister. I seek her input, and thank her when she offers help, no matter how small.
I am thankful that she wants to be involved in Mom and Dad's lives, and don't want to resent any good feelings they have toward her. That she is not more actively involved is both understandable, and forgivable. She has done some of the things I ask her to do, and very commendably, in very tough circumstances. We are all new at this Caregiving, and learning along the way. It is easy for no one. I'm grateful for any help my sister gives, and have chosen to take on the greater responsibility for myself. Since she is working full time out of state, and I'm a full-time Caregiver to Mom, I guard my heart from resentment against her. (Especially when I hear about her vacations, dinners out with friends, shopping sprees, etc.) For me, I've chosen to forgo those things to care for Mom's needs, even at the expense of mine. God rewards that, and someday I'll have no regrets. When my sister does visit, I've learned to enjoy what little time I have with her, and thank her that she participates. Even though I'm often tired, I'm also equally blessed. It's a win-win for all. And when the fatted calf comes out, I get a part of that, too. I am thankful that Mom loves my sister enough that she also rejoices when she is here, instead of complaining about all the times she's not. Not everyone is designed to lead, or has been gifted to handle things in the same fashion. It's best when we operate from our strengths, give grace to those who operate from their weaknesses, and foster love and growth. Again, prayer helps with all of this.
God gives strength to the weary, and is our present help in time of need. In every situation, he is ready, and more than able to guide us in the way we should go. Sometimes he sends encouragement through others, such as a helpful suggestion, listening ear, or hug from a friend.
This site has been such an encouragement along the way, and is one of the many gifts from God. We are only a prayer away from help at any moment. Know that many of the people reading these threads are praying for each other, and probably for you. May you all be blessed by that today!
Carol
My mom has always made excuses for my brother. He never comes to see her unless he gets a free meal. So, after much discussion, she actually gave me money to save for a rainy day. Now, it doesn't seem like much, but it did say to me, I get it! You have gone above and beyond for me. She always loved me, but she always looked out for my brother. I was the one who could handle tough situations. I know that I cannot change her, but I did get some sort of validation. For now, it is enough.
As I faced my Maker at the last judgment, I knelt before the Lord along with all the other souls.
Before each of us laid our lives like the squares of a quilt in many piles; an angel sat before each of us sewing our quilt squares together into a tapestry that is our life.
But as my angel took each piece of cloth off the pile, I noticed how ragged and empty each of my squares was. They were filled with giant holes. Each square was labeled with a part of my life that had been difficult, the challenges and temptations I was faced with in every day life. I saw hardships that I endured, which were the largest holes of all.
I glanced around me. Nobody else had such squares. Other than a tiny hole here and there, the other tapestries were filled with rich color and the bright hues of worldly fortune. I gazed upon my own life and was
disheartened.
My angel was sewing the ragged pieces of cloth together, threadbare and empty, like binding air.
Finally the time came when each life was to be displayed, held up to the light, the scrutiny of truth. The others rose; each in turn, holding up their tapestries. So filled their lives had been. My angel looked upon me, and nodded for me to rise.
My gaze dropped to the ground in shame. I hadn't had all the earthly fortunes. I had love in my life, and laughter. But there had also been trials of illness, and wealth, and false accusations that took from me my world, as I knew it. I had to start over many times. I often struggled with
the temptation to quit, only to somehow muster the strength to pick up and begin again. I spent many nights on my knees in prayer, asking for help and guidance in my life. I had often been held up to ridicule, which I endured painfully, each time offering it up to the Father in hopes that I would not melt within my skin beneath the judgmental gaze of those who unfairly judged me.
And now, I had to face the truth. My life was what it was, and I had to accept it for what it was.
I rose and slowly lifted the combined squares of my life to the light.
An awe-filled gasp filled the air. I gazed around at the others who stared at me with wide eyes.
Then, I looked upon the tapestry before me. Light flooded the many holes, creating an image, the face of Christ. Then our Lord stood before me, with warmth and love in His eyes. He said, 'Every time you gave over
your life to Me, it became My life, My hardships, and My struggles.
Each point of light in your life is when you stepped aside and let Me shine through, until there was more of Me than there was of you.'
May all our quilts be threadbare and worn, allowing Christ to shine through!
God determines who walks into your life ......it's up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.'
Take care and please come back,
Carol
welcome to the club.......you'll get a kick out of everyone here.