My Dad who is in memory care with my mom was on palliative care for a non operative intestinal blockage. He came back to the memory care Monday after spending a couple of days in the hospital to attempt to get the blockage to clear without surgery.
He had been with no food or water for about 9 days. My mom slept next to him in their room in memory care during this time. At about 3:30 she woke and asked the hospice nurse if he was ok.. she held his hand and a few minutes later took a few breaths.. then no breaths and he passed. It was the best possible scenario.. just the two of them and the hospice nurse.
I have another thread about the siblings and all the hell they put me through during the last week.. giving me a hard time for putting them on hospice..banding together and shutting me out.. and basically in some ways blaming me for his death.. blaming me for taking them back to the memory care for palliative care.
My mom was able to stay with my Dad the entire time.. of course it was so hard.. just didn't understand why he couldn't have water, kept forgetting what was going on or that he was even sick, wanted to bring him food.
This morning after he passed was so difficult to watch.. It was heartbreaking. Even worse.. she kept forgetting that he had passed.. all day she kept asking where her husband was..when I told her he passed .. she went through it all over again as if hearing it for the first time.
We rearranged her room..it was so sad to see her room without his bed. I hope she finds some way of going on without him.
I am happy for my Dad to be free of dementia and a failing body...now he is free and healthy...Fly away my sweet father... I love you and will miss you so much.
If they say one word about the house and what should have been done tell them I said, "Jog on! You had as much responsibility to take care of that house as Katie did, and since she has been caring for all of your parents solo, you have forfeited your rights to offer one word of criticism. Stop being greedy jerks and start worrying about your mom and sister since it's to late to be of service to your dad. Moms financial status is her business and the POAs business and no one else's. "
Hugs!
When do you expect them all back from the lake house?
These people are idiots. I just don't know what else to say. Yes, your mother needs fresh air and a change of scene. No, you don't take a traumatised and confused (and probably exhausted) older lady back to a home she hasn't set foot in for five years. Are they stupid? - perhaps better not answer that.
Use the break productively, whether that means just rest and sleep or getting arrangements made, whatever. Is anyone looking after you?
You tell them exactly that, and then tell them to "F'-Off"! , that you asked for help, they didn't respond or feel any responsibility, and that you were too damn busy and tired to beg anymore, and that you are not responsible for providing them a money report on Mom and Dad's funds, as that is private information and that You are their POA, not them!
What they are doing is plain and simple "the blame game", because they are Guilty of being A**holes, and are trying to shift the blame on you.
Do not be taken in by them, what they are doing is Wrong, and it will eventually bite them in the A**. I believe it is all coming down to money, as they fear their supposed "inheritance" might be affected. It's all Crazy talk, so don't pay Any attention to it. Nobody is guaranteed an Inheritance, and most of us will never see one. You have been doing this our of Love, where were they, oh that's right, Absent! Again, F'-Off!
Can you tell this makes my blood boil, Lol!? Yes, we had deadbeat family members too! Got to love it! Not!
I hope you can find Some rest it today, now that they have taken Mother for a drive, which was stupid, but let them figure it out. I just hope that they don't get up to any banking/ lawyer shenanigans, so be on the lookout for that type of BS.
As for the "readiness" of the lake house, don't feel guilty, as you had No Time to deal with that, Where Were They, that they couldn't stop up and take care of it, Uhhuh, their heads were up their selfish butts! Not your problem, you had enough to do!
Take care, and come back often for friendship and support! Hugs!
So sorry for your loss these MIA sibs and their partners. Why don’t you have a round table discussion and just let all the anger and hurt out. Do it in a public place and if possible, take a friend with you. That way they will be less inclined to mess with you if a third party is observing
just tell them what you think of them. Write things down. Tell them to bug*er off and NO. They will be getting no breakdown of expenses. Exert your POA for you mother over them. Restrict their visits. Tell them to go back home
they smell blood in the water. They are worried that they are going to miss out on $$$$$. Your father has passed so they are thinking your mother may be not far behind. I know these types and how they think.
They are are taking advantage of your grief and exhaustion. Put your foot down and get rid of them to refuel your batteries.
You owe owe them nothing. Remember. Take your devotion and care you put towards your father and now your mother and turn it into strength and armour.