He was always sensitive to sounds. After stroke worse. We keep having crickets in basement. Does anyone know how to get rid of them? How do I not show irritation with his constant needs when I'm so tired all the time? Brings me Bengal. Rub on. Crickets bothering him. Go downstairs with bug spray try to find and spray window sills. Open pudding or jello cup. Pull up left side of pants they are falling. Etc. Etc.
Or put on a CD, turn on the tv to a music channel (all day long if necessary - the music should be soothing to both of you).
While you're at it, get some ear muffs for yourself so you don't have to listen to him.
From what you write, your husband is used to and demands a lot of attention. You're the only one who can stop this by refusing to respond every time he wants something. If he can still write, give him a nice pad and pen and tell him to write down what he needs. Set times for addressing these needs, and don't waver. He needs to be trained to recognize that beyond medical needs, the sound of crickets and drooping pants aren't crisis needs.
Is he getting any OT or PT post-stroke? If not, ask the doctor who treated him for stroke to prescribe it. OT is wonderful for helping people with limited mobility learn how to re-orient themselves to deal with limitations. He can learn to use assistive devices such as the little grabbers to pull up socks, pants, etc.
Think in terms of training a toddler.
Put him on a schedule and let him know the schedule. For example, schedule snack at 3 pm. That's when the pudding cup gets opened.
By any chance did you mean to type Bengay? If so, where is his pain?
As long as you are meeting the most important needs - things like meals, meds, toileting/hygiene - things like crickets and pudding will just have to wait. Be clear that you have a lot on your plate, that you are organizing his care to the best of your abilities, that you are trying very hard to learn about everything that needs to be done for him, but that he needs to exercise some self-restraint. Just because he wants something "NOW" does not mean he gets it right away.