I've posted on here before and I get criticized for complaining. If you people would walk in my shoes then I'm sure you would be more forgiving. As usual, my life with my 89 1/2 year old mother is a living h*ll. She complains constantly and argues. her old age and illnesses have made her this way. She's always had a meanness in her, but the old age has made it worse. She expects me to constantly be at her beckon call. I have no life not have ever had a "life".
My father died when I was 15 and my life story was written out then. I was ridiculed and harassed by my mother when I tried to date or get a girlfriend. She always thought that she came first and I was giving her up if I found a girlfriend. Does this sound bizarre to you? It's very bizarre! I'm 55 years old now and I'm miserable at the lifestyle that has been forced upon me. I'm a 24/7 caregiver. My mother will cuss (4 letter words), yell and argue. She can be a terror. I literally gave up my life, but this is what my mother expected of me. I was never able to experience the normal things most people do in life.
You are correct Roscoe, to get out of the trap you are in, you either need to release your parent to spending her own money on herself or looking into her qualifying for medicare so that someone else can care for her 24/7 in a nursing home.
BTW, what are you going to do, where will you live, how will find a job, and how are you going to handle getting old, once your mother dies? I don't know for right now your future looks about as bleak as your present unless you can find some way to force yourself to get outside of her crazy control and start building a life for yourself.
My mother was very controlling of my life, never met my emotional needs, but used me to meet her needs which was easy for her to do after she left and divorced my dad and became a single parent. I was always her little man and said that I was the man of the house but that was a lie for I became more of a substitue partner for her as I grew older. Many, many years later she told me that she knew that she had not met my emotional needs and how she treated me had and was going to cause a lot of pain in my life which is true. But she also said that she could not help it.
I escaped her by going to college and graduate school which my dad paid for. I had to go into therapy myself to complete getting my freedom. I was 31 when I got married to my wife.
I say all of this to say that you can escape, even at 55, you can find a way to get a normal or basically a normal life that most people experience. There has got to be a way for you to gain the freedom that you never have had there in Weirton, WV.
Sounds like your Mom resented the fact that her husband [your Dad] died leaving her to fend for herself. And throughout all those years, she was afraid that you would leave to live your own life. When was the last time your Mom saw her primary doctor? Something as simple as an urinary tract infection can cause an elder to become mean and uncooperative.
Now is the time for your Mother to live in a continuing care facility. If money is an issue check with Medicaid to see if your Mom will qualify. If Mom refuses to move into a retirement home, tell her she has only 2 choices.... the retirement home where she will be around people of her own generation, or she will be living alone. You are no longer in the equation.