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Thank you all, you don't know how much this forum helped me. My sister and I left the hospital last night around 8:30. The attending nurse said her vital signs looked good, it would take a few days. My sister called the nursing station at around 7:15 this morning and they told her no changes. Sis came got to my house around 7:40. I got the call at 7:45 that mom had passed. Mom was on comfort care only, so I know she wasn't in pain. In a way, it was a blessing, not sure I could watch her take her last breath. Mom was out of it since yesterday. I haven't had a truly good night's sleep in 12 days. I had so many concerns for her, could I change a colostomy bag? could I keep her comfortable? do I have to sell her house to pay for her care? will she rehab enough to be able to take her home with me? did I care for her well enough? Those questions went away today. All that's left is to settle her remaining loose ends. Pay her bills, sell the house, etc... BIL made all the funeral arrangements. Mom left her wishes well known to us. Only a small gathering of remaining family like my dad (maybe 6). She will be interned next to her husband of 65 years. May she rest in peace and see my dad again. I'm OK right now, no need for sympathy. Save your strength for your struggles. I'm probably going to lurk here for a while to see if I can be of any help. Everybody's situation is different, I can only offer possible solutions or suggestions that I have some experience with. Ultimately we all must make our own decisions, I don't have any answers for you. Peace all.

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SandyB66: So sorry for the loss of your mother. My former wife told me the same thing (we divorced as friends). Both her parents passed with the caregiver being away at their passing. She surmises either they want to spare their LO's the grieve, or that they can't let go with LO's present. That was the case for both my parents. My dad passed in his sleep with my mom holding his hand as she slept. I was sleeping in the same room. No, it's not bad you didn't cry. Death is the inevitable outcome of life. The memories of your mom and her values still live within you. I hope you find peace and tranquility after the shock wears off.
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May the memory of your mother be a blessing to you. Hugs, NYDIL
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Bless you and your family, and my condolences on the loss of your mother.

I too lost my 91 year old mother with Dementia, on August 26th. I had finally decided to get her into memory care as I could no longer provide her with complete care. She was hospitalized for three days first, and then to the memory care. They wouldn't allow visitors at the hospital, so I saw her at the facility, and she was so out of it. Only one of the days did she seem to know me and smiled. She kissed me back when I kissed her.

The night before she passed they called at 12:30 AM and said she wasn't doing well. I asked them to call me back if there was a change. At 5:30 AM they called to say that she had not improved and they didn't know how long she would last, so I went there immediately. She was on oxygen and totally unresponsive. I sat with her, holding her hand, for six hours. I told her how much I loved her and that if she was ready to go, that it was okay. I then left to get lunch.

The facility called shortly thereafter to say they were sending her to the hospital. They called me then from the ER. She had a DNR/POLST, so they wanted to send her back to the facility, but as the doctor was talking with me, he said she just passed - no pulse and no heartbeat. I saw in this very place, that sometimes they wait until the family leaves before they "let go".

We had the Neptune Society, so I called them and they took care of everything. I was just glad that she was not in any pain and no longer suffering. Although I am very sad and miss her terribly, I did not cry. Is that bad?
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Prayers for you and your family. Sorry for your loss.
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A brief update. 97yroldmom truly hit the nail on the head. Even though our parents will pass on, they live within their sons, daughters, and friends. I see it in myself now. My dad was the kind of guy that when I took him shopping, he would always tell a complimentary joke, or words of kindness to all the employees. I find myself doing that now. My mom was the put your head down and work person. I did that for many years until I retired. I'm still working on a contract basis, and enjoying it more now. I do miss telling my mom of the new projects I'm working on. She wouldn't have understood it (very technical), but she would've loved to hear it anyway. I can't thank you all enough for the support you have given me. I wish you all the best in your caregiving journey.
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So sorry for your loss 😢🙏🏼
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I’m sorry for your loss. Also good to hear that you’re doing okay and your mom was at peace. I did the whole house clean out and sale last summer, along with paying last bills, etc. It was tiring and hard. I hope you’ll have ease with it and stick around here and help others.
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I'm so sorry for the loss of your mother. Prayers to you and your family.
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Sending you condolences and a big hug.
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My condolences on your great loss, CTYankeeinOr. Your family sounds wonderful.

My mom peacefully passed in her sleep a few years ago. This forum saved my life (I didn't have a wonderful siblings). I still lurk as a way to give back.

May sweet memories of your mother bring peace to you all.
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I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm glad that it was peaceful.
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I am so sorry for you, but I understand your feeling of relief. Take care of yourself.
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I'm so sorry for your loss. She is at peace and not in pain anymore.

Thank you and Blessings
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To Billiegoat: I'm a son, I know it's sort of rare on this site. No offense at all and thanks for your kind words. Men are wired a little differently, we can be amazing caregivers and supportive, we just tend to hide our feelings. I shouldn't make generalizations like this, just observations from personal experience. There is no right or wrong when it comes to caregiving. Most people can't do it, that's OK. I have no right to judge anyone's decisions. My journey has ended, my thoughts and prayers go out to all of you who have to continue the struggle, no matter what your situation is. Peace from CTY.
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I'm so sorry for your loss. Please stick around to share your experiences. We have too few men on this site!
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Dear CTYankeeinOR,

I am so sorry for your loss
My thoughts and prayers are with you in this difficult time.
-Bevel
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My condolences
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So very sorry for your families loss.
But very grateful that her hard trial is over and she is no longer suffering.
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CT, Thoughts and prayers to you and your family on the loss of your mother. May you find peace and strength with the special memories of your dear mother. Hugs.
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I just went on here and saw this post. I'm so sorry about your mom's passing, CTY.

I don't know you but you sound like a wonderful, caring, understanding, loving daughter and I hope you realize that. I'm sure your mom did. Again, without even knowing you or her, I can tell a lot about a person.

I bet you feel relieved and a bit in shock right now.

If you need someone to talk to or just to listen, please know you can count on me.
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This is still very new and fresh, so please be kind to yourself, and do allow yourself to properly grieve, when you're ready.
It is comforting to you I'm sure to know that now your mom and dad are back together where they belong.
I pray that God will give you His peace and comfort in the days, weeks and months ahead.
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CT
I just want to tell you that your mom left a living legacy in her children. I hope you honor that and take good care of yourself. Caregiving can be so overwhelming that we sometimes don’t check in with ourselves to see how we are doing. So take extreme care of you and be careful. Wishing you and your family a peaceful and bonding service for your mom.
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What a special share, thank you. Sending lots of positive energy to you and your sister.💐
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I'm sorry for your loss, may you take comfort in knowing she is now at peace and beyond all pain and disability.
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