If you don't pay attention to her then you are slighting her. As this is 2013, I bought champagne for midnight. She told me that she might not make it to midnight. I asked (it was 8:30) if she wanted the champagne now. She said yes. It was 11:30 and she said that she is going to bed. I noticed that her attitude was (what I call) weird. She woke up this morning giving me short answers to my questions (how did you sleep or do you want your tea). When I asked what was wrong, she told me she wanted champagne at midnight. She went to bed because she was tried of waiting for me. My mother likes to hold grudges. I live in her house free of charge. However, I am the one who takes her to the doctor and shopping. I am tired and have no place to go and no money. I have to live here. Any suggestions?
i like how the non caregiver family members tell you how you could be doing a much better job. when you can let that crap fly over you without responding then your becoming one heck of a strong person. also not responding to them tells them that their opinion doesnt even interest you or warrant a reply. i know ive strayed off subject a little but not letting others' control your emotions is a good step towards getting healthier yourself..
"She has always been like this but with age it gets worse "
i think thats an important observation. its harder to discount spiteful or manipulative behavior as a health or age issue when you know this person has had these issues as long as youve been alive. my only advice is try not to set the record straigh or rationalize with the oldtimer. their thinking is not rational and youll only end up more frustrated.. trying to rationalize also gives the oldtimer a brief victory because they have you stammering to defend yourself. im not new at dementia caregiving. been at it for 6 years now. at this point id matter of factly tell her i dont give a damn if you ever drink champaign and walk away. shes trying to get on top of your head. it is not a time to show weakness.. sound harsh? not as brutal as living your every waking moment for someone else only to end up emotionally and physically ill yourself..
ps, letting your mothers bs bounce off of you will cause her to respect you ultimately. i was cooking chili dogs last nite when my mother told me how she would be doing this task. i told her " im happy for you " and never missed a beat.
meh, it takes practice..
You need to set boundaries and take control of your life. Call your local aging services group about what options may be available for your Mom. Talk to her doctor about home health providers. They will do an evaluation of your Mom needs and offer whatever assistance she qualifies for.
I truly do not believe we are to sacrifice our life, wellbeing and health to take care of our parents. You have to take care of yourself first to be there for your Mom.
At the minimum, perhaps your sister can give you a weekend off each month (either in person or by paying for a caregiver) so you can have time for yourself.
Good luck and God bless!
My question is this, I assume there are siblings who do not want to be involved and leave it to one child to deal with. But why is this....I would like to hear from one of these sibling who does this.
Thanks for listening
Did your mom forget that she had champagne at 8:30, per her request? If so, might there be some dementia here? That really would change the nature of my answer.