I went over to my mothers house last night at 6:00pm. Her door was locked as it usually is. I unlocked it and said hello. She kept saying hello, hello. I went in the living room and she wasn’t on the couch. I couldn’t see her.
I went in the hallway thinking she might have gone upstairs. I could hear her saying hello. I went in the living room and she was laying on her stomach on the floor next to the couch.
She was awake and alert. I called 911. They told me not to move her. The EMT’S would move her. I held her hand till they came. She was alert and conscious.
They took her to the hospital and I met her there. The doctor took off her sock and said her feet!! Her feet, the skin is falling off her feet. I told him she won’t let me bathe or soak her feet. She is suppose to go to the foot doctor on Saturday.
The doctor said when was the last time anyone saw her? I said I was there Sunday night and don’t know how long she had been laying there. I found her Tuesday night.
I explained how she takes call a bus once a week. She doesn’t want any help.,She won’t let me bathe her or wash her hair or change her clothes.
They did testing. She had a stroke on her right side and pneumonia in her right lung.
They will do a brain scan on her. She didn’t know what month it was. She didn’t know where she was. She told me to get married. I’ve been married 36 years. I can’t stop crying. I held her hand. I just got home from the hospital and will go back tomorrow.
I feel guilty for not finding her sooner. I should have gone over on Monday. I’m feeling overwhelmed with guilt.
She was at the hospital receiving whatever care was appropriate and she didn't linger too long.
Remember her well and be good to yourself.
Thinking of you today and hoping you are not just taking care of the necessities that losing your mom brings but you are taking moments, even if they are small ones to take care of yourself. If necessary, take advantage of grief support groups via Zoom if you need the extra support to work through the many aspects of grief.
It's very hard to believe two weeks have nearly passed and I know for many of us what happened affected us as well in various ways.
Continued prayers especially as the holiday season is upon us - those seem to be some of the hardest times for all those who are grieving.
I know there are many things to take care of so I don't expect you to have the time or inclination to let us know how things are going so just know that you're in many of our thoughts and continued prayers.
Hope you are taking a few moments in between the tasks to take care of yourself.
I am so very sorry for your loss. May God be with you in your time of need.
Sending you lots of hugs.💕
Do take care of yourself - the worst is really over now, just the lingering mundane tasks to be taken care of. The "reminders" are hard. It takes me some time to get over the loss of another kitty, missing one who would greet me at the door and annoy the bejesus out of my old girl, just because, his willingness to allow the other "girls" to get into a snuggle bed with him, etc. My old girl, who I just lost, is really tough. She was with me over 21.5 years. Every feeding time, sitting at my PC, coming in to see if she's up and about in the morning, all reminders that she's gone. :-( Being retired, her presence is all the more missed, because I am home most days, all day. Good memories too - those help a bit.
If possible, when you feel up to it, do come back. You have a lot of wisdom and suggestions that may help others. Even just commiseration is helpful, to the many who think they are on these journeys alone. Virtual hugs sweetie!
Rehab lowlights:
*Medication error while I was standing there and nurse refused to admit it.
*The rehab admitted a street person. She was a mentally ill addict or alcoholic as far as I could tell. This large, imposing woman arrived with no clothes so they gave her a set of scrubs. The woman roamed from room to room and the confused residents thought she worked there. I sat in my mother's room until midnight that night with the door locked, then left her window shade partly open and sat in the parking lot another half hour, checking to see if anyone entered the room.
*At the rehab, mom acquired a staph infection on a bit of open skin on her spine---shared bathroom at rehab probably related. It was treated with a topical antibiotic and then left alone. I didn't follow up on it because a new serious medical issue arose: a mystery tumor in her arm that was advanced enough to grow cells to attach to her circulatory system! Three weeks later, after mom had settled in to a nice secured memory care, the doc there discovered the tiny pimple on her spine had grown to a massive abscess on her spine that required twice daily treatment and bandage change, with risk of infection going directly into her bloodstream. It all began at the crappy rehab....
Advice: Avoid a rehab in a poor neighborhood. Find a rehab in a wealthy suburb. You don't need the duck pond or the grand piano, but those types of things are the signals to let you know you've (probably) arrived at a decent place.
More advice: I spent 4-6 hours with my mother every day she was at the rehab, 4 weeks. I had to bring her food and cajole her into eating it, because the food was so awful and no one had time to sit with individual residents and get them to eat. My mother was underweight before she fell, definitely underweight after lying on the floor for 3 days semi-conscious, and then a week in the hospital unable to swallow. She needed to eat!
With your mother recovering from a stroke and needing intensive intervention and monitoring, you might even consider bringing her home instead of rehab, if you're not allowed to visit and stay long periods at rehab due to COVID precautions. If your situation allows, hire caregivers at home where you and other family or friends can be there. Even in a good rehab, she'll be getting one-on-one attention total of 3 hours per day max from physical therapist and speech therapist--that leaves 21 other hours where she's lying alone in a room with a TV.
For my own guilt and regret level, I felt more guilty for the crappy rehab than anything else.
Hope this helps someone.
You’re mom did it her way until the very end. I can’t help think of Frank Sinatra’s great song “my way” right now. Your mom is probably dancing in heaven right now with all her family & friends!
I'm especially thinking of you this morning/today - the first full day after can be the most "surreal" and "unbelievable" moments a person experiences after losing a loved one (I still remember "the morning after" my dad passed away 16 years ago - where we lived, where I went out on the back patio to stand, what the sky looked like - even which way I was facing).
I hope you have a good relationship with your brother and that he is able to stay with you for awhile before heading home.
What a whirlwind of a "week" it's been for you and your family.
I continue to pray for you in this next and final part of your journey - please take care of yourself ---
Sending you a hug!
When the pain isn't quite so raw, you're going to be able to celebrate your mother's unique life and the fact that she lived it how SHE wanted..........and left the Earth without a long, drawn out illness, thank God.
Come back & let us know how you're doing; we all care.
I lost my mom 2 1/2 years ago, so I feel your pain. Wish I could give you a hug. Lean on your faith to get you through this.
We mourn with you, as many of us walked this path recently. You have our sympathy and understanding. You are surrounded by love.