I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
ana - I'm sorry your account was deleted. Maybe admin can restore it. I found I had to prioritize self protection. Otherwise it was too hard on me. It's no good getting bashed again and again. Can your hub or kids do the supplies? Or, as way suggested, have the staff get them from you in the parking lot.
I agree with Golden , you can drop things off with her name on them at the receptionist at the front desk lobby , the receptionist can have the staff bring them to her room . I did that with my Mom periodically as well .
For awhile though , I couldn’t drop off because my mother loved to sit by the front door to watch who came and left and she would ambush me , yell at me about how I was such a “ rotten daughter”. She got satisfaction of having an audience see her berate me . The small open lobby where she sat was at the corner of the big common living room full of other residents sitting . So I then started calling the front desk first before I went into the building to see if Mom was sitting at the lobby . My Mom sat across from the receptionist who answers the phone . If Mom was there , the receptionist would send a staff member to the parking lot to meet me at my car to get supplies .
One time the activities director was there when Mom berated me . The director turned to my mother and flat out told her . “ If I was your daughter I wouldn’t visit anymore .” My mother came right back with “ well you aren’t “ .
After that whenever I visited and the activity director walked passed us , my mother complained how she didn’t like that woman . 😝😜🤪
By the way, I am the same Ana(banana) as before. My entire account/history was deleted overnight.
Visited my mother. She was speaking very rudely to staff. My husband had opted to come along, so went in and calmed her. Distracted her. She responds better to men.
I came into her field of view (after replenishing her supplies) and he absentmindedly referred to me by name. And that’s when she ordered us out. He was shocked and asked if she meant for us to leave. She made herself clear - in no uncertain terms.
Silly me, still hoping she’ll stop being nasty to me. I get it - she’ll always direct all her anger and blame at me. She’d rather have no visitors (I have cousins who visit 2x year) than see me. My friends think I’m pleasant and fun. So he, I and my hurt feelings left.
Some people get only such short lives. It breaks hearts & is so unfair. I cannot imagine the family's pain.
So sorry ,
It’s terrible for a life to be cut so short. And of course you empathize with the parents losing a child and your daughter losing a friend .
No they don't get easier.
It's been a little bit since we have had a traumatic death in are town. But some never leave your mind.
One was 2 young boys digging tunnels in a snow mound, then the dump truck came and dumped snow on them. My friends son survived buy the skin of his teeth , his best friend didn't. Therapy started the day after, and I think he still goes.
But it's all so devastating. Times like what you are going through I usually go to a parking lot and cry my eyes out. No clue why it's just what I do.
I also think sudden deaths are horrible hard and even more hard when there young
It will as time goes on get easier for you and your daughter and family. But the now just plan sucks!!
I can't imagine loosing a child, it's the worst tourcher a human can go through
Thanks. These things never get any easier, do they?
I will never get used to losing people that are so young.
I suppose that we aren’t supposed to dwell on the number of years that people have lived.
We should be grateful that they were in our lives for any length of time, no matter how brief.
There are times when I believe that we are all assigned a number. When that number is up, we die. If the number isn’t up, against all odds, we live.
I had a gun pointed directly at my heart. I begged for my life. I was only 18.
I was told by the man robbing me that he was going to kill me. It wasn’t my time to die.
And to find peace in your life
That's so sad and I'm so sorry, for you and your whole family!
Thanks, after the shock wore off, I cried over her death. I can’t seem to unwind this evening. Going to try and get some sleep soon though.
I have photos of her in my home with my daughter.
She was a sweet girl. Beautiful long blonde hair and blue eyes.
My girls have always been social butterflies. They always had their friends over.
I would like to express my sorrow to her parents. I don’t even know what I would say. I think I will send a card for now.
I know that nothing I say will ever help. No words are ever adequate in these situations.
I can’t help but feel, that if I ever lost either one of my daughters, I don’t know if I could ever cope with my grief.
It seems like the pain would be overwhelming and never go away.
Support for your loss, your daughter's loss, and the young woman's family's loss. It is very sad to lose someone you have known, and at such a young age.
You are going to need many hugs, here are some heartfelt hugs I am sending you! {{{{{{hugs}}}}}} 💝💔💝
My condolences.
Mind if I join you in needing support right now?
I am devastated at the moment. I just got off the phone with my youngest daughter.
One of my daughter’s friends called her to tell her that she just heard about a friend’s death. She didn’t know any details about how she died. My daughter was shocked.
Her friend was 28 years old.
I’m heartbroken. This child was at our house from elementary school to college. They remained friends after graduating.
Her friend was an only child. Her parents adored her.
I feel horribly for her parents. I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child.
I am sick over her death. I watched this kid grow up. I feel so bad for my daughter.
I know what it’s like to lose close friends both when I was young and recently.
I lost two good friends who committed suicide when I was young. It shook me up horribly.
I lost my best friend that I had known forever not long after my mom died. She was in her 60’s.
Sometimes. I still can’t believe that my friend is gone. I still want to pick up the phone and call her to come over for lunch. Or, go out to get a coffee, grab lunch, etc.
Hearing about other deaths always brings back memories for me. Grief is real and it’s very hard.
We expect older people to die. When people are younger, it throws us for a loop.
Thanks for listening.
I blocked the people who need to be blocked. But they have a very big network of flying monkeys.
I will find a way.
Does anyone have PoA? Do you have a plan for after money runs out entirely?
I am sorry this is so stressful for all of you.
Sending support your way today. Wishing you peace.
I am trying the cortisone cream that cw suggested. So, we’ll see.
You say that you cannot avoid these people.
That well may be true....we have families and we have jobs and we cannot always avoid people that have a bad effect on us.
I am here to tell you sometimes we get ILL. (Hee hee sometimes we do Cancer TWICE because once wasn't enough, right?).
Life just isn't about happy all the time, and that some folks are odious--well, just let me say I have never been all that much a fan of the human animal and I hope we AREN'T made in the imagine of any poor god or another.
What we can do is change our way of thinking from habitual concentration on things that aren't working, haven't worked, can't work. I tend to be a bit OCD and I know how it can get when I start the circular thinking of what is "wrong" and what "scares me" and what is "troublesome", "worrisome", "uncertain", "painful". Our brains latch onto this repetitive litany of woe, and just repeats and repeats it.
I don't know if you have a good cognitive therapist, but boy, three times in my life (I am 81) I have had to run kicking and screaming to one. Each time I picked someone tough, someone who would participate, have input, shake me up. And while it was PAINFUL, it shook me out of a habitual approach that was a harmful continuous stirring of a distasteful stew.
Eat right. Exercise. Above all take classes or get a new hobby, painting, jewelry making, writing, collage, something that involves the mind and hands in a sort of Zen. Once I refinished the floors on a bad bout of angst after a divorce from a man I truly loved. No wonder my knees hurt now (but my heart--not so much).
Wishing you the best. Life is definitely not about happy-all-the time. There are times that can even last a couple of years, that are fraught. We may face down an illness. We may have something we must endure for a time. This is a part of life. You say you were once "bright and shiny" and I gotta say, that's rare to maintain. And can't last.
I don't want to minimalize what you're going through; I haven't the slightest idea the severity. I can only say I am glad you have hope. Know that we do as well. It's always good to hear from you.
No questions, I promise.
As I said, I respect your privacy. I don’t need to know personal details to care about you. I care simply because you have been a part of this forum for a while.
I understand how you feel. I strongly disagree with people prying into another person’s life if they don’t want to share it.
I know that you have struggled with your situation for a while.
I can tell you that many of us have felt trapped by our circumstances at certain points in our lives.
Sometimes, we are indeed trapped until we find a way out. Other times, it is a struggle to find our bearings after being lost for quite some time.
Just know, that whatever your situation is, there will always be people on this forum who are here to support you in your journey.
Just like there are no overnight success stories, there are no overnight stories of people who have healed instantly.
I can tell you that sometimes things do happen spontaneously, so don’t lose hope. Without hope we have nothing. I believe eventually, you will find your way.
Wishing you peace and joy in your life.
You asked if it would be impossible to return to being myself. It’s not impossible. I’m working on it.
What’s it about? A deep unhappiness. I can’t look at myself in the mirror, because I don’t like seeing myself so unhappy. I’m a bright and shiny person. Just writing this out gives me tears. I’ll find a way back to myself.
How did it all happen? What made me unhappy? It’s completely out of my control. There are some people in my life I can’t get rid of. I have blocked these people. I don’t want to explain. Please no questions about it.
I’ll find a way back to myself. For now, I’m very, very unhappy.
I am experiencing irritation on my skin now. It is itching and I am seeing whelps. I can’t wait for my time to be up and I can mail this monitor back.
If I am not being overly inquisitive, what would it take for you to feel like yourself again? Unfortunately. I can’t supply a time machine for you to go back in time 20 years.
You don’t have to share anything about your life with publicly. I respect your privacy. I’m just wondering if it is possible for you to find the person who you wish to be. Or, is it impossible at this point?
Your post are usually vague and we don’t know what you are going through. Whatever it is, I hope things will eventually work out for you.
Sending you love, support and hugs today.