I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
And the other thing to keep in mind is that caregivers change and grow. You may find yourself easily handling something you never thought you could do!
My advice: Don't borrow trouble from tomorrow. You probably have enough for today.
I get freaked out reading some of the awful things caregivers are going through...I see my dear mother declining daily.... mornings and evenings are so confusing and scary to her and the future is scary to me. Sigh.
She doesn't always see it when she goes to the toilet as it's worked it's way up her backside leaving no evidence in front.
I find it everywhere; on the bed,on the floor, on the toilet seat and her hands.
She denies it's hers.She blames me.
I'm not sure how,when or why I did it today but somehow (according to her) I did the dirty deed on the floor near her toilet and left a tail of toilet paper coming out of her behind ( No, I don't assist with toileting as she still fights me on that one).
I am sick of poop.I can't get the smell out of my nose and I think I'm getting a fetish for latex gloves(joke).
I never wanted to see my mother's nether regions and now they are more familiar than my own.
I laugh at inappropriate times. I think the methane from her continuous gassing of the room is affecting my mind.
I have a fear that the smell of poop and lysol sticks to my clothes and others will think it's my signature fragrance.
Today I cleaned poop in the yard from my dogs.
A friend called to ask advice on treating her diarrhea.
My daughter called to ask me if I thought her cats bowel movements seemed normal.
Obviously,I am now considered an expert in BM.
This really "bums" me out.
Going to bed.
-Tried to find incontinence undergarments to fit mom's rather large size. One company was gracious and sent us samples of 4 different types - all failed to fit. They are more than wide enough, but not "tall" enough - they all stop just short of the top of her butt crack (sorry, not sure what else to call it!) - not a good fit at all. So we are back to the pads, and I've gotten her to agree to change the pads *every time* she uses the bathroom, I don't care if it's 5 times a day. I'll gladly foot the added expense if it means I don't have to wash bedsheets, the blue chair/bed pads, her clothing, her socks and shoes when she soaks them several times a day.
-Today, because she's extra tired for some reason, she won't shower. I completely understand that she's tired - I get it - but the smell in the house is driving me nuts. I have 2 candles and an air freshener going in here and it's *barely* keeping the smell down...and when she moves or gets up...ACK! She showers every other day, which is really not enough, but it's all I can get her to do. I know that in some NHs, they only get bathed once a week....so I guess I'll take what I can get and be thankful for it. Before I moved in, there was a deep layer of dust in the tub - she hadn't showered in months - so even if the smell is horrible some days, I guess I have to be happy she showers at all.
-Mom has required extra attention this past week due to the incontinence issue and her lack of understanding about the pad-changing frequency needed to keep up with it. (She understands now, thank goodness.) This means my work has suffered and I've gotten behind a bit - and one of my clients is *not* happy. I'm kissing butt and eating crow today in the hopes that I can maintain my relationship with them and not lose them as a client. (sigh)
Back to work now....and off to Amazon to order more pads.....
My mom lives alone and is 89. She no longer drives and depends on me for groceries etc. I am her only contact with the outside world. (She is very hard of hearing and her friends and neighbors all died off).
Also, my dad passed away and so did my brother (age 59). So it s just me.
I love my mom and wish I could spend more quality time with her.
Clock is ticking.
I do the best I can but I resent MIL's attitude any time I am a daughter to my own mom. BTW, my mom is great about it..............but well, that's my whine.
Cap - sorry you missed out on your remodeling opportunity :(... Maybe you could try a rain dance? I'm sure you could come up with some rockin' good music to back you up!
Constant - I hope I don't offend but that seemed like a terribly insensitive thing for your pastor to say to you. If it were me I'd be looking for another church. Hang in there....and don't apologize! You have every right to feel stressed and worn out. Besides, whining is what this thread was created for!
Don't worry I'll soon be "one upping" your whine, I learned from the Master!
im pi**ed, we were promised thunderstorms and theres no thunder.
She always has to " one up everyone"..
No whining for me today....I decided to take Sunday's off and catch up on my shows. Mom used to hate watching any of the Houswives Show on Bravo,,,,I keep telling her it's just mindless entertainment...it worked and now she laughs' at the ridiculousness of the show!! YAY one small step for mankind :)
PB n J all the way today...followed with awesome green smoothies. ( yes, she hated them) but when I mentioned how much fibre and nutrients they had.....sluuuurrrpppp hehe...
I found ten strategies listed on line that sound doable, so I have copied them and will review daily for advice for my actions, etc. You guys are sooo helpful..Thanks much! And thanks, Jeanette for posing the question.. Hugs to you and everyone else. I feel love for you all. Blessings, L
I suppose things in life could be worse - but knowing she's my mother, all the fond memories - and her not knowing any of those or that I'm her daughter - well, the ache it leaves inside cannot be expressed in words. Just the whining of what it all entails can :)... there just can't be a quota on whining while dealing with this.
Happy Sunday!
I hope this doesn't sound selfish of me but reading all of your "whines" made me feel better. I gave up whining to my friends and family since they just don't get it.
Gonna be in the 80's next week. Guess I need to invest in my own personal portable a/c unit or a kiddie pool from wal-mart!
During the years I cared for her I'd spend hours cooking and often she'd just turn her nose up (for a narcissist nothing is ever quite good enough) and it drove me batty.
These days I cook from scratch in bulk - meat, shepherd's pie, spaghetti sauce and quiche - and freeze in portions. Just got to get something to go with whatever and you're done. Frees up so much time.
I agree stew "out", grilled food "in"!
JeanetteB, I thought I'd retire from cooking. Brought a lot of food home from restaurants, bought high-end frozen entrees, etc. Hoped to cook when the mood struck me. That didn't last long as my husband slid into some eating restrictions and while we still went out it was easiest to cook at home.
Now I have two boarders (a son and a daughter) who can eat anything and like to try new things, so cooking is really fun again.
If you feel guilty about lots of fast food, try meals from the deli department and/or the good frozen dinners.
larger whine -having to move mother again -3rd time in less than 5 years. And this will have to be a two or three phase move- get rid of some stuff and store the rest, then some months down the road move mother and what she wants/needs of the stored stuff and get rid of the rest. And I have no assurance from her psych that this will be the last move. I do not want to be moving her again when I am 80!!!
So that's what I'm whining about today. Tomorrow I'll be making stew. Two pots.
Oh... and I'm tired of cooking, too. I only cook one meal a day, but there's only a few things she'll eat. So dinner is boring and totally uninspired. (I don't like to cook much, anyway.)
i got snubbed today. stopped by ednas and she was in the cafeteria playing bingo. pretty low keyed event so i sat with her. about the second time i helped her mark a number she told me if i wanted to play , get some cards. shes doing real well right now and i guess i " demeaned " her in front of her peers.
ya haveta roll with the flow with dementia patients i guess.
jeanette, by dam my mom was a big eater too. shed whack a huge pot of veg soup in about 5 days. id make various bread dishes and her and my kid would go thru them. id bury my head in my ice cream bucket. cooking is more fun than eating.