I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Since 2019, the year my bro fell ill I haven't had the guts to get the two buses, do the walk through a portion of the park (now closed to cars) just to GET to it, and then deal with the crowds and the cameras and all, but this year I talk myself into it.
I Arrive early, before "the ladies who do lunch". And after a round with the camera I have stamina for a second round without it, and THEN decide I can do one more exhibit yet a third time, one I really liked in a small gallery off to the side. Not knowing....................................
That way lies disaster.
So how it happens I cannot exactly tell you. I think BOTH of us mid 80s folk, me and the good doctor I took DOWN to the ground, were looking not where we were going or who was around, but at some spectacular floral arrangement.
I think we bounced off one another's shoulders. I think at 85 his balance was just four years worse than mine at 81 and he was the one who landed on the floor to the collective gasps of all.
Guards there immediately, taking the report, wheelchair called for, and his two KIND daughters comforting ME as much as him. (They were SO kind I could have sworn I was in the Midwest. Even in the South. ("We can see you're upset; is someone here with YOU? Would you like to come to lunch with us. These things happen. He will be fine. He's a doctor. Don't worry. Accidents happen. If you want to give me your number I will text you tomorrow to reassure you there's no damage done").
Meanwhile I cannot believe I just brought someone down to the floor in the middle of a crowded gallery, he has a small cut over his eye, he's hit his head and I am the one on AC daily admonishing you ALL that a fall is "often the beginning of the end". He cannot get up and is told not to try until the w/c comes. He is offered an ambulance and says he is fine, doesn't need that.
I just keep repeating "I am so sorry; I am so sorry".
I am telling you. I will be whining about this one for a while.
At least until I know he's OK.
Last thing the one daughter says to me is "I love your earrings; they are hand painted aren't they. They match your mask".
Yup. My home made earrings I haven't worn in years, worn now for this special celebration of my gutsy foray out into civilization.
Civilization is still there. And riskier than ever!
I arrived home to have N. telling Frieda the Foster "Your Foster mother just took down a DOCTOR, Frieda!" Take care.
Try to stop making things so easy for your POA brother . Hopefully you can think of specific ways to dump some responsibilities on him . So far this is working out well for your brother which is why he’s not willing to do anything different .
Give him the next doctor appt date . Tell him you won’t be in town .
Your mom’s house should be sold for her care. It isn’t your brother’s home.
Your brother should be concerned about your mom’s needs, rather than having his eye on her house. Is he the brother that has POA?
If you suspect that your mom has dementia, how capable is she of knowing what is best for her?
She may not agree to going to an assisted living facility. Her POA should be included in these conversations.
Ob is good, and bucking up, he is just an the undiagnosed autistic, and a man. But he is doing good.
I am absolutely going to start pushing and hinting to mom that she can't go on like this forever, I think I have to start being more direct with mom about all this. Kind of like needs said. Instead of just pulling the plug all at once , but it is definitely coming to that day.
I know old brother is trying to keep her out of AL because he wants the house. Young brother, I have no clue what he wants. None of what they want is of interest to me. I want mom safe.
As far as being emergency contact, I think thats bs mom doesn't want me to be but then like way said maybe she is doing me a favor and if I do end up , throwing in the towel, I'm better of not .
Thanks a lot , for helping me work though all this messy crap.
Call assisted living facilities in your mom’s area and have them send out brochures.
Place the brochures on the coffee table for him to see when he’s watching the Hallmark movies with your mom! Hee hee, 😛
Give notice to your brother that you are not able to take Mom to her doctor appts any longer . That Mom’s mobility/balance
problems are too much for you to handle .
I would stay off the emergency list for now until Mom gets placed , so your brother will have to deal with the next emergency .
Talk to your brother about having Council on Aging doing an assessment of your mother’s needs.
He may not be listening to you because you are his sister. He should listen to you but that may be what you are dealing with.
He might take things more seriously if he hears news from an outside source.
If you are the person taking your mom to the doctor appointments, why on earth would your mom and brother not want you to be on the emergency list.
So, an emergency happens and they call your brother. What is he going to do? He will end up calling you because he is at work!
Geeeeeez, I had myself and my brothers on my mom’s emergency list.
Did you ask your mom why she didn’t want you on the list? Do you want to be on the list or would you rather let your brother handle emergencies?
I said the exact thing that you did. I suggested that they hire a companion or caregiver for her mom.
Maybe you didn’t see my previous post, where I said that I knew someone who was a companion to an elderly woman.
She took her to doctor appointments and other errands. It worked out well for them.
Of course, Nacy shouldn’t be overwhelmed with her mom’s needs.
Her mom and her brother are taking advantage of her kindness. Some people view kindness as weakness, and will push others past their limitations.
Nacy will have to tell them that it’s becoming too much.
Since her brother isn’t able to do these things himself, due to working long hours, then he can easily hire someone to help.
Nacy posted that her family doesn’t want to pay for any additional help.
My brother working isn't the problem, the problem is my brothers lack of communication, or believe me when I say she needs help or has some demtia going on.
And mostly I shouldn't have to find out from my neighbor that my brother is in Texas for 3 weeks.
You will have to just stop then. Why do you continue to put up with this? Your mother and your brother need to accept that there's going to have to be outside hired help or your mother will have to go into assisted living. The best bet is probably to bypass homecare homecare and just put her in AL. If you want to try homecare first, you will have to neglect for a little so she and your brother will understand that you mean business and will not be doing this anymore.. Do not 'baby' your mother or cater to her. This always makes the situation worse. Get homecare. If she gets fussy or throws a tantrum about it because she only wants or will only "allow" you, let her. Give her the same choice I gave my mother. Either you make it work with the homecare aides or you get placed.
@NHWM
You know I usually agree with your good advice but I disagree with you about the Anxietynacy's brother. Having to work is not an excuse. Nor is it acceptable that he does nothing. The mother is his mother too. No excuse. If he can't put in companionship hours with his mother he can make arrangements for homemaker/companion service to go to his mother.
I work six days a week and arranged homecare for my mother. She knows that I am not at her beck and call anymore and my sister never was. She also knows that if she doesn't make it work with homecare, she gets placed and not placed in my home.
The brother can help arrange homecare.
Yeah, since he’s the golden child who has POA, your hands are tied. What a shame.
POA is moms golden child. So does no wrong and she loves it because she can pretend she doesn't need help.
Doesn't like much because she knows I see, what is going on and won't put my head in the sand like the other two
Need has a good idea .
Do you think your brother would be opposed to hired help for your Mom , even to be with her part time at home ?
Anyway , at some point your Mom won’t be able to live at home anymore based on what you have been saying .
Do you have any ideas of AL’s to suggest if/when “ it happens “ whatever that may be landing Mom in the hospital ? Since your brother most likely won’t .
Your bro will have to listen when she can’t walk anymore .
I get it , I dealt with Lo “ doesn’t have dementia “ naysayers too . It stinks .
Including him being busy he has to travel a lot. And has a week a month that he has to get his espogus scraped
No one will listen to me
If your brother is working two jobs, then he doesn’t have time to take mom.
If you find it is becoming too much for you to continually run around with your mom, tell your brother and your mom this.
Your mom can hire someone as a companion. I know a woman who did companion work for an older woman. It worked out well.
She took her to doctor appointments, hair appointments, grocery shopping, out to lunch or dinner, etc.
She is getting to weak and frail to be dropped off and picked up.
It's not the bringing her that bothers me, I'm going today anyways, its the fact that she needs AL or something, she needs more something, but my brother doesn't do anything about it
But he knows everything and I can't talk to him , and at this point I don't want to.
I'm starting to feel like I'm enabling this dysfunctional family
My youngest daughter is terrified of spiders. Several years back, a spider got into her car when she was leaving our home.
She noticed the spider when she was driving on the interstate and freaked out.
So, she pulls off and drives into a gas station and begs the employee to please get a spider out of her car. LOL 😆
Thankfully, the guy working at the gas station got the spider out of her car.
She called us before she pulled over to the gas station and was having a full blown panic attack.
Gershun,
I am with you. The flies are a pain if they come inside.
ITRR,
Interesting, about the pennies. I wonder why it works.
Golden,
I hope the rest of your day goes well.
Nacy,
I hope your mom feels better soon. Is your brother retired or still working?
In our area, Council on Aging provides shuttle buses to and from doctor appointments.
I always took Mom to the doctor because she couldn’t hear well and I needed to be there. She had one ear that she wasn’t able to get a hearing aid for. The other ear could only be helped slightly with a hearing aid.
I'm starting to think the only way for my brother will buck up and do what a POA is supposed to do is for me to completely walk away. I just hate to do it. This just sucks!
Another thing that really works is to put a few bright, shiny pennies in a ziploc bag and hang it by the door. Keeps them out of the house great.
Moths and cedar spray really does work. I keep it on the door frames of the closets and they don't, so far, get into the closets.
Just some ideas from a person that doesn't do bugs in my space and will do just about anything to keep them away.
Good luck being rid of the pests.
Golden, one of those days! Hugs!
My bright spot was the groceries were delivered on time this afternoon and for the most part were what I wanted.
I am enjoying the brightness of having no blinds. The plants will love it!🌿🌱☘.
We've tried DE and recently started spraying cedar oil cause I've heard it will deter them from entering your domain. Before anyone says anything I know there are those who think it's useless but I'll try anything at this point.
There are so many flies this year too. Outside on our patio. I have to do a bug check every time I open the door. Summer sucks in a lot of ways. :P
Outside on the front porch, many spider webs, I had to duck to get back in.
Told dH about it, he was oblivious, standing in the web.
I am realizing that I can no longer task my dH with a lot of things, both of us needing a break.
What that "break" looks like at my house, is me doing what he was doing so he can have a break.
Outside temps are in 3 digits now.
Instead of sweeping spiders, maybe decorating early for halloween with more spider webs. That way, no one will come up to my door, lol. I am just sick.
And husband must be loosing his tools, because I keep hearing him , wondering around mumbling bad words.
So I'm gonna go help after I get my stomach settled.
So it could be a lot worse venting, but it's not a great start anyways
Hint...I'm not one of them.