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Hope your daughter recovers soon, Barb.
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Barb: Well done!
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Barb,
When my DH had his last surgery ( he’s had MANY ) , I resorted to telling him “ You are going to do what you are supposed to do to recover safely because I’ve invested a lot in keeping you alive the last 40 years !!! “ The first surgery I took him for, we were 19 and dating !!

The last surgery was a cancer scare , where they told him it was BAD according to MRI . It turned out to be benign . So DH was wanting to forget the whole ordeal and act like nothing happened while he was supposed to be recovering .

Men , sheez .🙄🥺🤔
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Barb, awesome job with the tough love ❤️ Just sliced on through the denial 🤺

The 'I don't need help'...
Separating the current just-home-from-hospital situation from the want of regaining independance.
*Now Vs Goal*
It IS a burden on the caregiver when people stay in that 'no help needed' mindset & the caregiver lacks the ability to cut through the denial or push assertively forward anyway. (My folks are still grappling with this).

Sorry to hear your daughter has Covid - avoid visits! Seems to be a milder strain these days so hopefully she'll be right very soon.
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Oh dear, Barb. Hope your kitty is OK. I'm not sure Rocky is doing it more often, just in different places. Back home she always left her fur balls in the basement on the mat her litter box was on. She started that here and now is spreading her "gifts" around. This is new behaviour, but then it is a new environment.

I am so sorry that your dd has covid. Wish that darn bug would go away, I don't think it is as serious as before but still bad enough. Your plate is more than full!
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Golden, our cat is throwing up more often to. And drinking too ons of water I need to get him to the vet soon.

Did I mention that my middle daughter just tested positive for COVID?
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Barb - Great job at getting through the denial! So glad your hub is getting what he needs. He's very fortunate to have you.

My whine today - I got up for the usual middle of the night task and stepped on a furball with my bare feet. Yuck, yuck, yuck! Rocky seems to change her preferred place for upchucking and my bedroom rugs are it right now. 😝
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Yes, Alva. Thankfully, he remembers none of the ER and maybe 10% of 6 days in ICU.

Look, I am grateful to have learned from my mom (not someone I had a great relationship with) how to say "this is beyond my skills."

At the end of my dad's journey with leukemia and the resulting kidney failure , she stoutly stood up to both him and the hospital discharge folks and said "I cannot care for him at home unless he gets stronger."

Even when you love someone, you need to know the limits of your skills.
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@ Barb,
I, like Need, think you are one of the most valuable people on this Forum, always the voice of reason, always kind and patient, always spot on. I trust you to use that with Hubby, too, and sounds like you did. No anger, no argument, just QUESTIONS, which is the way to go, and making him work through it in his mind. He KNOWS only about one half of what you are/what you did, because there is an amnesia that goes along with ICU. Just look it up. It's a REAL THING. Amnesia and ICU will get you tons of info. Let alone that fact, he had such a low blood count half the time that the O2 going to his head was not worth much, gaga or not. He wasn't clear headed. And had he been he would have looked over at you in all that chaos and said "Hey, Barb, you ARE taking your blood pressure meds, aren't you???"

Glad you made him work it out for himself, and listen to you.
You are one great private duty nurse, registered or NOT!
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Barb, you can congratulate your DH on having his brains intact. All he needs to do now is to use them!
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Barb,

I bet traveling to a beautiful, far away place would be delightful just about now.

I think you got your point across to your DH very well!
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Interestingly, I had a very serious discussion with DH last night, who, like lots of folks, thinks of himself as invulnerable and denies serious diagnoses.

I told him that he needed these services from VNS and that he was not going to minimize his needs. Because that would result in ME doing more. And I am SO in over my head and above my pay grade.

He seemed to think that he was completely independent.

So I said, so if I leave on a plane for Bermuda tomorrow, that'll be fine? (And man, am so ready to do that..)

He paused. And said no. So I asked him-- are you diabetic? He hedged.

Bermuda

Yes, he is diabetic.

Have you had 2 strokes?

Well, I'm not (makes gesture indicating someone who is gaga).

I waited. Yes, the MRIs show that I've had strokes.

Me: so, you are going to talk about the fact that you're not ready to walk two blocks to PT yet?

Yes

We've gotten to a good place here.
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Barb,

You are one of the best examples of advocacy on this forum.

You evaluate the situation and then proceed with finding the proper resources regarding workable solutions.

I have complete faith that you will oversee these transitioning times and encourage your husband to do whatever is necessary for him to regain his strength.

Wishing you and hubby all the best!
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Barb, Hoping your DH gets back on his feet quickly and back walking those NYC streets very soon. All the best to you both.
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Sounds like good followup for hubby Barb. So glad you are BOTH home and recovering from it all.
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DH had his first visit from VNS! They are setting up some nursing visits to monitor him and will give in-home PT and OT.

He can walk well indoor and in our quiet parking lot, but the quality of his gait is still quite stiff and guarded. It doesn't appear that walking on NYC sidewalks is where he should be just yet
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Need: You're welcome.
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Llama,

Thanks, I have Mardi Gras fever this time of year!
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Need: Love your new avatar!
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Yay! My whine about our weather for the parade on Sunday looks like it will not be a big problem!

As we say here in New Orleans, “Let the good times roll! (Laisess la bon temps rouler)
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Barb, such good news (excepting of course the other relatives and more problems.)
Go glad things are going as well as can be expected.
Rest up. Continue to throw money at those problems when you can. It's a good use of it.
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Don’t rain on my parade! Weather looks questionable for Sunday’s Bacchus parade.

Should be nice for Mardi Gras Day (Fat Tuesday.)
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(((((Hugs))))) Ali. How frustrating!!! It's rotten when other students do that. You'd think by the grad level they would know better. I would have done as you did. Just get it done and count it a bad experience. True - it is like caregiving can be - there are some who do and some who don't or won't do.

Barb - you both are dealing with this very well!!!
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Alva, I was advocating for him to go to rehab even when we were in the ER; (the nurses humored me; I didn't get get just how close to dying he was.)

6 units of blood later and 5 nights in the ICU, the guys gets up and walks two city blocks. So, no in-patient rehab.

He's home, will go to our patient PT once he can walk the 2 blocks there himself.

We are both knackered right now. And of course, the other grandparents are out of state right now dealing with another family member who had a medical emergency.

I saw my daughter whose child needs schlepping to activities during the week briefly on Sunday evening. I handed her $100 and said "this is the money I'm throwing at this problem, tell me if more is needed". She was able to manage getting gdtr to dance on Monday and will do the Hebrew School run tomorrow. I took my gdtr to art today and then for pizza

She asked good questions. Wanted to know how her GPA was feeling. Told me that she was afraid he was going to die. Didn't understand how you could bleed on the inside.

I'm grateful that my children are so transparent with their kids about this stuff.

Ali, learning to deal with team members who don't cooperate is one of the great lessons of grad school. Go and talk to your instructor, not to tattle, but to learn how to manage this sort of thing.
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Barb, Great progress for you both. Hope it all moves forward in the right direction.
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Alibobali ,

That is interesting . I never made that connection. But it’s true , in group projects in school there were always those who did and those who let the others do . Similar to what many of us experience in caregiving .

I hope it gets better for you .
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I've wanted to come to this thread a few times over the past week and whine about this horrible group project I just went through for school.

It was TERRIBLE. I tried early on to organize my group of 5. I did the entire assignment myself because others were lazy, unavailable, and inept. Sigh.

It triggered some memories of caregiving. It's as if when we are the one who shows initiative, and others don't want to do the work, then they stay unavailable... and they know you'll do the job.

Weaponized incompetence. Something like that.

I was furious at times. I have to get over it quickly because I'm working on the most demanding and complex final paper/project I've ever had to do.

I can do this. Deep breaths. Keep moving forward, keep putting in the work.
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Barb, I'm really happy for you and hubs that he's come through this ok, and things are returning to normal. He IS lucky to have you keeping him well, haha. Keep yourself well, too. 💜
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I'm glad to hear it, Barb.
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Barb, I so watch for your updates. I see you are getting things into the place for a thought to homecoming. Has there been no recent need for transfusion? I am waiting to believe there are no bleeders, small or large happening. Do they speak at all about a brief go at rehab? Would you be amendable to that? If you bring hubby home what support system will you yourself have? How is the BP and are you taking better care.
So glad of your husband's great fortitude in all of this, but so glad that you are the "standing patient" there for him.
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