I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
Ana - sundogs are lovely, and yes, it is dry but anything in the minus 40s is too cold in my view. I know Ontario has lots of snow and blizzards. I'm with you on the doggie diaper and treadmill. Recently my dd was given a very small dog. He is still a puppy and uses pee pads a lot. As they are moving to an apartment I think he will keep using them.
We’re in the midst of a blizzard and the dogs need walking. I’m thinking on the treadmill wearing diapers.
Our weather is crazy. Warm one day and cold the next. We are supposed to have a cold front moving through and we will be in the teens. Very unusual for us!
I can’t imagine living where you live. I would freeze to death!
My whine today is the cold weather at 40 below (C and F) and worse with wind chill this morning. Amazon deliveries yesterday were cancelled due to the cold and rescheduled for tomorrow.
It's now -34 C (-29F) which is an improvement. Supposed to be a few degrees warmer tomorrow and much better next week. I gurss we are making up for a mild December.
Never a dull moment, huh 🤔 ?
I have no words .
(((hugs))))
I have previously ranted about how, 2 years ago, my physically active mother (now 98, dementia) repeatedly ran off on hospital staff (while contagious), then became angry and refused to move a muscle ever again (even closed her eyes and mouth), and so was tested for everything under the sun, and then moved to “comfort care”, where she reanimated and blew a gasket that she was fine and shouldn’t be there, and so was released from the hospital to a care home (because I was done Done DONE), where she continued to refuse to move a muscle except that she kept talking and using her eyes. There was the occasional escape attempt when nobody was looking plus the times she was so mad she picked up her utensils and fed herself.
A few days ago staff sent me a short video. Sitting up in bed, feeding herself and drinking from a mug. Chatting. The staff was stunned. Her nickname is now Mrs Benjamin Buttons.
I’m so grateful that her caregivers have decided to find her entertaining. Her combative and self-defeating behaviour cause me so much stress. I’m sure one day I’ll laugh about it all but I’m not quite there yet.
I kinda love that story you just told us.
You and mom are driving yourselves nuts with this deep dive into an old picture meant to bring joy!
I think that I have an easy answer.
A) buy a lovely card (or a funny one; you know your bro).
B) Insert photo
C) In the card write "Hi Bro. Mom wanted you to have this snap of you. We had it put away to give you at Christmas, but somehow it got buried. Better IT, than YOU. Mom says she hopes you enjoy it. Says you were and remain one handsome son-of-a-gun. We were so happy to see you on the holiday."
Love from your Mom and your doting bro
Sound good?
I would just LOVE LOVE LOVE to get something like that from MY wonderful brother. But he's gone. Do it today. Both you and Mom will feel so much better.
I honestly got a bit lost in the scenario , but “ white lies “ to Mom when you can to calm her down . Ignore things when you can . Don’t always respond to her ridiculous worries. Change the subject.
Im sorry you haven’t found the wisdom to get out of this situation. You are wasting your own life . The fact that your mother does not see that, shows she is mentally ill , not just a worrier .
I would rather leave this earth than have my kids living like you are.
You don't provide much detail in your profile about your Mom (her age, whether she has cognitive/memory impairment). My Mom is 94, has been single most of her life and I'm her only child. She lives next door to me. She has always been a fearful, glass-half-empty, skeptical person (but not to the point of personality disorder). And mercifully, I have always been the opposite. She watches The Weather Channel a lot and "anger-tainment" news. In the past 2 days she called me to tell me how she called her sister in south FL about tornados that were on the complete opposite coast. Like, over a hundred miles away. I couldn't convince her that there was no reason to fret so I just changed the subject completely to something upbeat and then hung up. On the other occasion she called me up on some pretense but really wanted to talk about a recent school shooting in Iowa (we live in neighboring MN) that was just reported. I said "oh, that's awful" then changed the subject completely and then hung up. I refuse to get sucked into her negativity vortex or allow her to wallow in it on my watch. It is relentless and I know if I entertain any of it, it will affect me.
Please make boundaries for yourself regarding your Mom. She won't like it but eventually (if you defend them strongly) she will stop resisting them, or at a minimum it will support your mental and emotional health. You are the priority and need to take care of yourself first and foremost.
There was an old picture of one of my brothers that I found a couple of weeks ago while looking for another picture of my mom and the friend of hers who recently died. My mom let him know about it and I put it in an envelope and intended to give it to him last week while he and his family were in town visiting. However, I accidentally forgot to bring it to him while delivering the Christmas gifts for him and his family. It was under a couple of things in the house and I literally forgot all about it.
I realized I forgot it earlier tonight when she asked me if I gave the picture to him. My mom's afraid that she accidentally came off as passive aggressive and spiteful. She wants me to tell him that she wanted him to have the picture and that I accidentally forgot to bring it to him. She's afraid she accidentally made him think she was withholding the picture because of her voicing disagreement over memorializing my dad's FB page or because of an old plaque my dad got that still hasn't been found, at least to this point. She's complaining about how so much has gone wrong of late and went on about how he and my other brother are unpredictable and that the older brother didn't directly thank her for the Christmas ham she got him. They're from my dad's first marriage and they and my mom didn't have that good a relationship until he passed. It was more them than her. I should note while texting the oldest brother a couple of weeks back, he told me to tell her thanks for the ham.
I was planning on texting him and simply say I forgot to bring the old picture to him...and note that the forgetfulness is most likely a sign I'm suffering from caregiver burnout and just leave it at that. But no. She wants me to start it off by noting she intended on giving it to him and THEN note I forgot it. I highly doubt he'll make a big deal over it, but mom thinks I'm naive to believe that and to never take anything from him for granted. I really don't think he'll be that bent out of shape over it and that he'll understand that forgetfulness sometimes happens and there was zero underhandedness going on.
My mom has admitted on some occasions she worries too much about things and I'm willing to bet this will be another one of those moments.
You are correct.
So many focus on the rights of an elder who is no longer capable to make decisions on their own behalf. And then walk away.
I say their loved ones need to take action on their behalf, both to benefit the elder, and to secure their elder's rights, as well as safety.
You said, and I agree:
"If someone is on the fence regarding their parent and there is a choice then please make that choice. These elderly individuals are no longer capable of making decisions and what they think they want is simply not feasible...."
If someone is on the fence regarding their parent and there is a choice then please make that choice. These elderly individuals are no longer capable of making decisions and what they think they want is simply not feasible and most likely won't result in feeling any happier.
Oh my word, my daughter is a brunette who has the blonde highlights. Whatever…it looks pretty on her but she pays a fortune to keep it up!
They are wearing more than one dress nowadays for weddings. It’s hard for them to decide what styles they like.
I hear tons of stories from my friend’s daughter who is a wedding planner. She only does one million dollars and up weddings. My girls say that they would spend that kind of money on a house instead of a dress.
Some of her clients spent a fortune just for their dress! Then they have another dress for the reception! It’s crazy.
Rich parents! We aren’t rich! We are middle class.
Your daughter is going to be a beautiful bride no matter what dress she wears.
I understand !!! My daughter keeps sending me pictures of wedding dresses. She’s all over the place . One week it’s one style the next it’s something else .
And BTW she already bought one online that is in her closet at my house and she’s having second thoughts . So now she’s thinking of wearing the first one for the ceremony and getting a different one for the reception. 🤷♀️🤦♀️. But neither is expensive .
I didn’t love the first one . But she did , so I said I did not to ruin it for her.
Now I don’t know what to say about her second dress choices.
And she recently had her hair dyed back to her normal blonde color . She’s been dying it dark since she got out of college , to make herself look older and be taken more seriously at work . So now she looks like she’s 16 again .
Oh my gosh, my daughters are so much like me. No one can tell them what to buy or wear. I don’t know how my mother put up with my eclectic tastes when I was a teenager! LOL 😆
My girls are still a pain to shop with. One is 35 and the other one is 27. I have heard that sons are easier to dress. I don’t have any sons.
Well, my oldest daughter has specific taste but isn’t a diva like my youngest one. She’s more practical.
My mom said that I would ask which outfit that she liked and then I would pick out the opposite one. Well, she said that she started telling me the one that she didn’t like so I ended up with the one that she liked. Hahaha 😝
I would ask my girls, do you like it? If they said yes, I said that I loved it. If they said no, I said that I didn’t like it. It saved me time from explaining why I didn’t like something! Plus I wanted them to develop their own style.
I get a headache when I shop with my youngest daughter. She’s tiny and has to try everything on. It. takes all day!
Need,
I agree , I don’t see him getting strong enough to have any success at PT.
His muscles have been slowly wasting away . However he gets into magical thinking mode . I told DH going to have to just ignore it if he asks about PT , or fib , or just keep reiterating that he’s not strong enough to walk .
He called twice at 5 am and 6 am this morning , saying no one has come in to tell him “ what the treatment plan is”. He’s getting more forgetful , confused and anxious at night . He’s been calling up early the last few mornings saying he had a lousy night and didn’t sleep and one morning he said he had a panic attack at night . And when he’s uncomfortable he calls DH instead of using his call bell . DH said the nurse gave him something for anxiety the other morning but he can’t remember the name . He gets a sleeping pill also ( taken it for years ) maybe will have to change it or add something . I also don’t know if the anxiety pill is being given automatically or as needed . Will see how it goes , but I fear many more phone calls from him instead of using his call bell .
He sounds like he is getting weaker and weaker. There isn’t any way that he could have continued going out to restaurants.
A wheelchair would be helpful. He is fighting being in a wheelchair, but he isn’t strong enough to be independent anymore.
FIL was barely walking when we were there on Saturday , He stopped walking on Monday I think . His Covid symptoms started Sunday . We had to help him get up from his chair . He’s been refusing to use the wheelchair , or to sleep in the bed because he could not get out of it and he didn’t want the aides helping . He’s been in his recliner all the time . This is why we have been expecting the call that he was going to get kicked out .
We were not taking him out to eat because he refused to sit in the wheelchair and we weren’t going to deal with him falling in a restaurant . Also it was too difficult to get him up from a chair in a restaurant because they don’t have arms for him to push himself up . He would literally grab hold and hug the edges of the table to try to pull himself up , meanwhile we would be trying to lift him up . What he was doing was working against our backs . This is another reason we wanted him to sit in the wheelchair in a restaurant . So we brought the food to him instead .
When is the last time that your FIL walked on his own? It’s been a while, hasn’t it? You and DH stopped taking him out to eat because he wasn’t able to handle it.
It’s sad that he feels like he will be able to improve when he can’t.
Well, one day not long after we were married I decided to make meatballs and spaghetti for my Italian husband.
For some reason, she jumped up onto the kitchen table and started eating the bowl of meatballs! LOL 😝 My husband was a little upset about it but then said, “I guess we are going out to dinner tonight.”
The only thing that my cat destroyed was all of the ornaments on our Christmas tree!
Again, it was shortly after we were married. We were renting a small townhouse. When we came downstairs we saw that she had demolished our Christmas tree! She knocked all of the ornaments off and was playing with them.
The dog didht want to be fenced in . Smart dog .
OR he’s only thinking short term …. get med for pain and stay out of hospital or SNF . This is what we fear .
If he feels better he may go back to his magical thinking that he will be “ independent “ again . He’s had 2 goals all along
1) maintain his version of “ independence “ which includes ( only ) dressing self and walking , no wheelchairs , and no help from the aides .
2) No SNF and for the past 6 months no more trips to the hospital .
He does not realize that he can not get PT if he is on hospice . He hears what he wants and discards the rest . This is the man that pitched a fit over going to rehab last year because he felt he could go straight back to AL from the hospital if he wanted to because he was “ paying the rent there” . This is just one example of how there is always some part of something he wants changed . He’s pitched fits over the most ridiculous things as well . They got new plates and coffee mugs at AL and he didn’t like them , he wanted the old ones ( which were thrown out ) etc . I bought him multiple mugs , told him pick one he likes and bring it with him to the dining room in his storage under the seat on his walker. That wasn’t good enough .
He mentioned the other day he will need PT after he gets over Covid . We will see what happens . Every episode he wants to pick from an a la carte menu when he can only choose from column A OR column B .
Just saw this on television today. A couple was saving money to build a fence for their adorable dog. They had $4,000 on the kitchen counter.
The money disappeared from the counter because the dog ate it!
They took the dog to the vet and they recovered over $3,000 of it back. It was a very tedious process!
Oh my gosh! I can’t even imagine how they were feeling when they saw that the money was gone!
They showed a photo of the dog. Of course, he was absolutely precious!
My daughter’s dog is fast! I took a roasted chicken out of my oven and placed it on my counter to cool before cutting into it.
I didn’t notice the dog going into the kitchen. Yep! He snatched it up. I heard the crash. He wasn’t happy when I took the chicken away from him.
I wasn’t happy with him but I learned my lesson about leaving food out where he could jump up and grab it.