I'm tired of cooking/preparing 3 meals a day. It's just the two of us but boy oh boy can that woman eat!! She stays slimish, I get fattish. It's bad enough I do everything here much less start making her one thing and me the other. At times I feel guilty when I buy her fast food cuz of the nutritional value....not to mention I eat it too.
*^^##}{]!!!!!
Your girl is 41. Mine is 61. I think you and I can agree together that they are grownups now. Mine is going grey. They have to learn to survive without us. Your girl has a hubby. She has friends I have to assume. She has Uber and Lyft and if she doesn't she has 911.
I still remember my caregiver tendencies nearly killing me off. I had to ge guided through by my shrink to learn to say "No. I am sorry. I can't". It was tough for my girl to hear. Hard. She said "But you are the only one responsible enough to help me do blah blah" and I had to say "What I am telling you is that I cannot be responsible for that now. Can't anymore. That you have to take care of it yourself". She was angry. It hurt like hell. I had made her believe I would always be mommie no matter how grown up she is. But it was the beginning of real growth for BOTH of us and for our relationship. Now, at 81 and 61 respectively SHE is often MY wisewoman, instead of the other way round. I don't know what I would have done without her when my bro was ill, when he died.
We have to stop enabling them, let them cut the cord, let them learn to THRIVE and SURVIVE on their own. That is not being a bad mom. THat is being a GOOD mom because it makes their self esteem grow exponentially.
It's tough for us Moms to learn that we don't have all the answers, that we can't always help our kids or save our kids or be the answer for our kids. But it is part of the life cycle.
I agree with others here that no one who knows you could ever fault you for a lack of caring love. NEVER. You are known for it here, and I would imagine everywhere.
You perhaps feel hurt now and I know what it feels like but the truth is that this is a good thing.
Hope your girl is OK. Hoping this isn't a kidney stone. I had diverticulitis show up referring pain to flank of all things. Hope she's doing OK.
You always are reaching out to so many with sane advice. When I first joined here and knew so little about so much regarding elder care issues you were one of the first posters to reach out to me. I believe your inner voice guides you with the correct decision choices. I hope your daughter heals.
You love your daughter and it shows.
You’re being reasonable by following the instructions not to drive. Hopefully, she understands that it isn’t a good idea for you to be on the road tonight.
I hope that you and your daughter start to feel better soon.
Bounce is right . You did everything you could do . You got her to go to the ER . That’s most important .
I think Mom grief is in our DNA
You are not negligent . You can’t drive today . It is what it is.
I ask if she has called her doc (who is the MIST responsive guy on earth). She says "I can't do that until the morning."
Whaaaast?
At my urging, she calls, he tells her which ER to go to.
She emails "can someone pick me up?"
Am I a terrible mother? I said I would CC an Uber. I gave blood today, badly and was told not to drive for 24 hours.
I am done here. But I feel so negligent.
It makes so much more sense knowing the justice you are hoping for comes out of a court case in the law system. Looks like the case is done and you are waiting for a judgement to be handed down that favors your side in the matter. I wish you very good luck with it. And whatever the outcome is, I hope that once this "dispute" is settled in the court you will be able to move on with life, knowing you have done all you conceivably could do.
I will now know what your "let justice prevail" messages to us means, and will be able to send positive thought out to you. I surely wish the very best for you.
My kids avoid seeing MIL .
They get interrogated about their lives .
I have had tinnitus since my 20’s and I hate silence because I notice the ringing in my ears so I have my phone under my ear. So, it’s either a podcast or music on and I fall asleep listening to it.
Oh, and I listen to wrbh radio. They are a nonprofit organization that read unabridged books to the blind in our community but just as many sighted people listen to it. I love that station.
Sounds stressful! I suppose that it’s better than my 100 year old cousin who still drives. Get this, she argues with the cops who give her speeding tickets!
I gave up on telling her that she shouldn’t be driving and that she should be using the shuttle bus at her facility.
As predicted , her first question was if she’s getting any great grands soon from my son and daughter in law . And when is my daughter getting married 😤😤
My ears and tongue are hemorrhaging . Good thing I have 180 mile buffer again when I get home.
She still thinks she “drives well “ and she will “think “ about getting POA papers drawn up. She is finally using a cane ( but needs a walker ) when she leaves the house after yet another bad fall on the sidewalk last week and 6 hours in the ER getting scanned since she’s on blood thinners. Her face , arms , hands are bruised and scraped etc. I guess that’s progress.
Thanks for letting me vent .
“What goes around does have a way of coming around in time too.”
Boy do I wish for that.
I do dog rescue work, so I can so identify with you. We are getting way more picky now, fearing that one of the other of us 80-somethings will break our silly neck on the stairs with dog-duty. We have a nice back yard and they need to be able to access it themselves!
Good luck with the sleeping. Let us know what works.
Yes Pam I’m only venting. Scared, worried, bullied. Let justice prevail in court.
Have you ever tired podcasts for sleep. I love them waking or sleeping, but if I ever have one of my very rare sleepless nights I find that true crime podcasts put me out like the proverbial light.
"Bullies" don't stop bullying.
It is well enough to hope for justice.
But it is a bit like "hoping for rain". Unpredictable.
Best thing for bullies is to stop waiting, stop hoping, stop weather reports, and just cut them completely out of your life with a surgically sharp knife.
Then don't let them near you again.
Try it; I have found it to have better results that "waiting" and "hoping".
The bullies (family members) continue. But I see some justice.