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Whine Moment: My Dad has been an abusive bully all his live to myself and to my brother - and to Mom when she was alive. I keep telling myself " You're 67yrs old now - You don't have to take his crap" But here I am - still taking his crap! He's 95 with progressing dementia/Alzheimer's and a very sharp tongue! Uggghh! Calgon Take me away!!! Just Breathe..................
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To all who replied to my “poor me moment”. I thank you
the very thoughts I’ve been beating myself up over. I’m not helping my health and I’m certainly not helping him. The time is now to make the move with or without him. If legal separation is to be done so be it. I will not continue to be a cry baby but never do what’s necessary.
And yes we will be fine
I really needed this.
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DaSweadie, normally I would have PM'd you this, but newbies to this forum often don't check it. I must correct what you are attributing to the Lord. He *does* give us more than we can handle. To say otherwise is unbiblical and not a Christian concept.

"... my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me."
2 Corinthians 12:9 

and

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light."
Matt. 11 Verses 28-30

Also, "the Lord helps those who help themselves" is also not scriptural nor a Christian concept.

Don't hesitate to call upon the Lord. Don't wait until you are wrecked. He should be your first call for help, not your last. Blessings!
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Dear Da: About “The lord will not give you more than you can handle”, just remember what the Lord gave to Jesus. Don’t get crucified for your third unsuccessful try at married happiness. Ask your kids for help and advice – they may be very willing to provide it.
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Da: Welcome to the forum! You will be able to find support here.
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Da, make the move. Your hubby can come with you or stay where he is. Begin by seeing an attorney for legal separation and division of finances.

As to the Lord not giving someone more than they can take, I wouldn't murmur that one around a person losing a 5 year old to a brain tumor. We take things because there is no way round them but to jump off a bridge. We take things because there is no way around them; we must pass through them. I am not a believer, but if there's a god out there passing out Job's woes to people, he wouldn't be the guy (or gal) for me. And if you are a believer you might choose that adage about the Lord helping those who help themselves. I AM glad that your faith brings you comfort.

Take care of yourself. Find time away from this guy at the very least.
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Da, welcome!

Why does your disabled husband get to call the shots?

In your shoes, I'd arrange the move. Start packing.

Don't give him a choice in the matter. You know better.

If he doesn't want to come alone, he stays where he is.
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New to this forum but not to my whining I am 74 in I would say pretty good shape for an old broad my husband is 84. He’s my 3th. My children from first husband thinks he’s an arse. Which he is and now worse because he can’t hear so tv/radio blaring political crap only. He’s not steady on his feet I do everything cook clean take care of an 87 lb golden that he just had to have and only shouts at him and never plays with. But truly I love the dog way more than I do him. My kids and grand kids live in Tennessee. I want to move to be close to them. He is adamant and actually cried when I told him we have to move because the house is now too much and we need to be close to my family now. Screaming craziness ensued. That was 2 years ago. We live in illinois and I cannot even think about one more Midwest winter. I do have a high school boy that mows grass and takes care of snow at least I have that going. I am venting just venting. I’m struggling because I am one click away from packing a tooth brush one clean set of dainties my dog and running away. I keep telling myself remember the lord will not give you more than you can handle. But my yapping here is really the tip of the iceberg and I’m clawing my way to the last lifeboat.
I am breathing and I say “in with the peach foam..out with the green slime”. Everything will be ok. I’m feeling a bit my relaxed now that I’ve spilled my stuff to total strangers.
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sounhappy: Hoping that you're doing better today?
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sounhappy: Breathe. Caregiving is hard.
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Stress.
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Poodle, thank you. It’s a nightmare. I don’t know how this will end. I’ve met a few bad people in my life, but not as bad as certain “family” members.
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I can relate. As soon as I clean up from one meal I feel like it is time to start another. Yesterday I let him have ice cream and then pie. He had said right before that he was not hungry so I decided to let him do his thing as I was so tired anyway. I mean how many times do I come home from caring for him and have a bag of chocolate colored pretzels or ice cream for dinner because I am too tired to make something or just plain sick of preparing meals...and overall just exhausted from caretaking?
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Thanks Sounhappy.

Take a deep breath. Get the best advice you can get, from knowledgeable people. Bullies don’t change. They get worse. Protect yourself. Don’t trust them. Some people have no shame about how low they’ll go. Expect the worst from them.
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I’m in such a horrible situation and I don’t know how to stop it. Bullies.
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Geaton, Poodle, get well soon!

My situation, extreme stress. Family bullies, horrible. I hope justice prevails!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Geaton: Good luck to you with your health.
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Geaton,

My mother died at age 95 in 2021.

She did rehab a few times after falls (Parkinson’s disease). I was amazed by her stamina. She cooperated and did what was required in home health and rehab. PT helped with her strength and balance.

At one time mom did have cortisone injections for her knees. They helped some.

Towards the end stage of her Parkinson’s disease was rough for her and she died in her end of life hospice care home

It sounds like you did extremely well in rehab. I went to PT after a horrific bicycle accident in my 40’s.

I had an open compound fracture and had two steel rods placed in my arm. PT was brutal, three hours long, times a week. Still, I felt like it was easier than the work out that the people who were there after knee surgery!

I used to watch people do pool workouts with their physical therapist. It’s a work out!

I don’t blame you for not wanting to overdo the Tylenol. My husband and I are the same way. We take as little pain medication that we can after surgery, including non prescription drugs.

PT was very helpful for us. I have some permanent damage from my accident but overall I did well. I have about 80 percent range of motion.

My husband had two rotator cuff surgeries and he did well in PT also.

I hope you will continue to improve!
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Need, I just started my 6th week post-op. First 4 weeks went swimmingly to the point where PT kicked me out but now told me to go to my fitness club and walk the pool lanes and use some of the weight machines (like they taught me at the appointments). So today was my first day doing the pool for 30 minutes so I'll see how I feel tonight after the Tylenol wears off. Both my knees are feeling more pain this past week and I'm trying so hard to reduce or stay off the Tylenol just so my liver doesn't fail. Thanks for asking! Knee replacement is best done when people are well enough and in a position to do the rehab vigorously and religiously in order to make it worth the effort.

Has your Mom pursued gel injections or cortisone shots for her knee pain? Medicare pays for the gel 2x a year and cortisone at least once, I believe.

The labor shortage is more intense right now because all the college kids have returned to school and the businesses are scrambling to find replacements.
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Geaton,

Hefty price, huh? Geeeeeez!

Are you in a lot of pain with your knees?

I wish my mother would have been a candidate for knee surgery. She had the bone on bone situation and was always suffering with her knees.

I am thankful that mom was able to use her walker and avoid a wheelchair. I hope you aren’t suffering badly with your knees.

It is amazing how short staffed people are. I was speaking with my brother in DC yesterday. He was telling me that there are full service restaurants in his area that have had to go to ‘take out’ only because they can’t get people to be servers.
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My whine du jour #1:

Just got my single knee replacement surgery cost - $40K (my portion is $4700). They said I can pay it over 36 months with no fees or interest. I have to pony up for a new CPAP. Cost = $1800. Also said I can make payments. Therefore, everyone should know that part of the outrageously high cost of healthcare are things like this. The cost of shouldering installment payments is being built into the up-front price of every medical procedure and device (at least in my state, MN).

Whine du jour #2:
I just returned from a CPAP appointment. I called as soon I pulled out of the driveway because I knew I was going to be late. I was on hold the entire 25-minute drive (they never picked up). At their check-in reception desk was this sign:

"The whole world is short staffed now.

Be kind and thankful for the ones that showed up today and are helping you. Thank you for your understanding."
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sounhappy: You're very welcome.
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Do you want to talk about it, So?
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Thanks a lot Llama!

Things are getting worse and worse. Bullies are being extreme. I so much hope I can tell you all one day, I came out victorious. Let justice prevail, please.
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Alva: I'm not far behind ya at 76! Every day is a new adventure - not always a good one.
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sounhappy: I'm sorry that you are having a very, very hard time. Hope that things improve soon.
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Poodle: You're welcome.
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Having a very, very hard time. Connected to caregiving for LO. Some people are bullying me, behaving horribly. Terrible situation for me.
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Alva,

As Good As It Gets is a great movie!
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Alva,
Giggling has sent pain killing endorphins to your brain, therefore adding another 5% to your well-being!

Feeling great yet?

I feel better a bit too, on Patriot's Day, memorializing 9/11.
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