i just posted about big fight with mom and hating sister. maybe you can find it? i need someone to talk to. it isn't fair that everyone in my family gets treated with respect except me and my mom is mad at me now because i stuck up for myself. i feel really bad. what am i supposed to do? these people, my family, will only relate to me if i let them treat me like sh*t? that's not ok with me. i have had it. i need someone to talk to. i am really upset right now. my sister is evil. i need her out of my life. or i need to be able to get in her face and tell her off which i am fine with doing but if i do it, it upsets my mom... this isn't fair to me. mom isn't eligible for assisted living and won't go. she is stuck here with me for the time being. i did call aging and adult services but we are playing phone tag. what is the most hurtful is realizing (again. i guess i realized it in childhood) that my family really doesn't give a sh*t about me. i don't have any close friends or a relationship either. it's not fair. i matter. i don't deserve to be used and treated like crap.
mom is currently at sisters for a few days. Yea!!! so badly needed it's not funny. we didn't have a discussion, she just asked her over. I realize as I am typing this that I am very tired and it won't be a long post. in near future I need to ask sister if she can commit to doing this regularly for my health and sanity. brother is coming in a few weeks to visit. going to therapy in a week or so. need to talk to therapist about many many issues. it is very overwhelming. overall, I feel exhausted and sad but I am hanging in there. it's very hot where I am and I work outside which isn't helping. I often wonder why I exist? I have no close friends, I am used by my family and possibly not truly loved by any of them, have horrible financial problems, bad physical problems, and on and on. but the weird thing is, I don't want to die. I feel like I have been a super decent person my whole life. I just can't seem to find my niche or that special person or persons to share my life with who respect me. I guess this is kind of off topic but it's not in that this is coming up even more because I am being faced again through caring for my mom with family of origin issues. i feel like i got a really bad start and want to find some true love and happiness before i die. i feel like i deserve that just as much as anyone and i'm not going to get it from my family, nor would it even be appropriate i guess at my age. I guess this is long. i'm not really looking for advice right now, i just wanted to post.
It sounds as though you have some tough issues to work on in therapy. Therapy is hard work and can be exhausting, but keep at it!
You need to learn to love and value yourself, which it sounds like you are starting to do. Finding friends can be tough, but try being around people without stressing over whether they are the right fit.
Read books from the library and join a book discussion group, online or at the library. Discussing books with people often gives one insight into whether they think the same way you do.
Be well!
I'm glad to hear from you, too! That's so good that your sister stepped up and took your mom for the weekend. I am a total procrastinator and admire that you are taking steps to deal with all this. You do deserve to find happiness and companionship (and to have some fun!) I hope you will enjoy the rest of the weekend!
Hi Annabelle,
I hear you, my friend. Please know if you need anyone to talk to, feel free to private message me. Take care of yourself. We are here for you.
Be your own advocate Annabelle. Love yourself enough to not let people discount you and your feelings. I've grown a back bone through all the strife and sadness I went through during my Mom's final days. It fits really good. I think I'll keep it.