i just posted about big fight with mom and hating sister. maybe you can find it? i need someone to talk to. it isn't fair that everyone in my family gets treated with respect except me and my mom is mad at me now because i stuck up for myself. i feel really bad. what am i supposed to do? these people, my family, will only relate to me if i let them treat me like sh*t? that's not ok with me. i have had it. i need someone to talk to. i am really upset right now. my sister is evil. i need her out of my life. or i need to be able to get in her face and tell her off which i am fine with doing but if i do it, it upsets my mom... this isn't fair to me. mom isn't eligible for assisted living and won't go. she is stuck here with me for the time being. i did call aging and adult services but we are playing phone tag. what is the most hurtful is realizing (again. i guess i realized it in childhood) that my family really doesn't give a sh*t about me. i don't have any close friends or a relationship either. it's not fair. i matter. i don't deserve to be used and treated like crap.
I've heard it said, you teach people how to treat you. I guess I've taught people the wrong thing. And when I say dress up I don't mean, let's all get all haughty. I mean just show that you have some respect.
Annabelle, I think for your own sake you need to trust your gut about things and love yourself enough to say "Enough!" You can do it.
Maybe it is especially galling right now because you have talked to an objective, trained third party who agrees with that statement. What?! Well, for heaven's sake, if this stranger can see that, why on earth can't your family?!
This is in no way your fault! I suspect that you've been groomed since childhood to play this role. That is how dysfunctional families work. One of the advice columnists used to say, "No one can use you as a door mat if you refuse to lie down." That wasn't really a choice in your childhood, but it is now. Now you fully realize that this is UNFAIR, you need to stop lying down to be walked on!
Easier said than done, especially when you have been programmed to accept bad treatment. I am so glad you are seeing a therapist and only wish your next appointment was sooner.
Your mother is living with you, right? Your house, your rules. You say say that the house has to be quiet after whatever pm. You are the one working. You are the one who gets to set quiet times. Mom doesn't like that? Too bad. Your house, your rules. Not just to be in control, of course, but because you need the house quiet so you can sleep.
Why is it a terrible thing to upset your mom? Why isn't your mom upset with your sister's behavior? So, mom gets upset ... and? What? She moves out? Isn't that what you want? Are you trying to avoid upsetting your mother so she won't dislike you? Doesn't seem to be working, does it?