We just moved Grandma in 1 month ago. I am so new to this. I am actually an RN, but nursing school was 20 years ago and we did not learn how to live with our elderly grandparents. Our geriatric rotation was 5 hours and then we got to go home. I can do anything for 5 hours. A 93 year old 24 hour confused room-mate is harder.
I feel like the only reprieve I get is when her caregiver is here in the morning for 3 hours (I escape to the gym), or when I am working, which is not all that much of a break!
It's the dementia that is making it so hard. She asks the same questions over and over, and she hardly ever stops talking!! Sometimes I just have to ignore her because I feel like I will lose my mind if I tell her one more time that yes, she did have lunch, would she like a snack? I don't remember her being this chatty when I was a kid. She wants to talk non-stop. If I leave her to do laundry, dishes, dry my hair, clean her room (you get the picture), she gets all weepy and tells us she is in the way and we should send her to a nursing home. She actually isn't in the way (and we tell her this over and over), but we cannot sit and visit with her all day. I have stuff to do! I did remind her of her crochet project and that helped for a couple of hours. And I had her help me with a sewing project I am working on (even that was hard, I asked her to rip out 2 seams and she asked me at least 10 times if I wanted her to rip out both seams. I finally wrote "rip out both seams" on a piece of paper but she was still confused). THIS IS SO HARD.
We know her days are limited and we want her to feel loved and wanted, and she was just wasting away in her retirement community because her mobility has become so limited. She wasn't leaving her room. She lost 30 lbs in 6 weeks. Every time I went to see her she was sitting in her pajamas alone watching TV. We take her out almost every day. Yesterday it was just a walk around the park in her wheelchair, but she got out. Today she got her nails done. I know for the most part she is really happy here. We have kids and a lot of activity.
OK, I feel better. Just needed to vent. I don't have anyone to vent to. My mom is racked with guilt because she didn't want to move her in with her, and my sister has a million kids. So thankful for this forum. And wine.
Just wanted to say "welcome to the board" and - I am only a part time caregiver to my Mom and by the end of the week I am ready to pass her back to Dad but I do have a teen with special needs and she LOVES to repeat things over and over again. (OCD-constant need for assurance) And it is hard and yesterday I locked myself in a room in the house and just bawled into a pillow and this is my daughter! I mean , I am her Mom and should have better patience than that but --it just gets to you!!!
TardisTT -gave some good ideas-- wish I could give you more. Just know you are not alone and this is a good place to vent. Good luck!! And welcome! (((hugs)))
Would it be possible to get her active in some kind of senior daycare program? It would be a few hours each week that would allow her time to socialize with others her age. Another option is to give her a daily set of "chores" to do. My mom and dad both have severely limited mobility, but they both have chores they do on a daily basis. Dad gets the newspaper in the mornings, checks the mail and is in charge of making their morning coffee. Mom washes their dishes in the morning (usually just 2 coffee cups and 2 small saucers) and makes up a grocery list of anything they are running low on. (I do all the shopping, but for example, I don't drink coffee, so if they're about to run out, I wouldn't even remember to check it most days!)
It's not much, but it gives them both something to look forward to doing each day that they are both used to. Dad used to wake up early for work, and he loves being able to go take mom her morning cup of coffee, while mom loved clipping coupons and making the weekly grocery list.
Another option would be to look into a 'sitter' type person for her. Someone that could just come over daily or weekly and sit and talk with her, or just be with her while she watches tv or reads, or (if she's up to it) could take her on walks around the block while you get things done at home.
You are absolutely right: It is the dementia, and THIS IS SO HARD!!! It is hard (in different ways) whether it is your grandmother or your father or your spouse, and whether it is Alzheimer's or Vascular Dementia or Lewy Body Dementia or some other kind. Caregiving for someone with dementia is HARD!
It sounds like you are doing an excellent job, in spite of how hard it is. I'm glad you get the 3 hour respite in the mornings.
This isn't going to last forever, but it could last a few more years. Pace yourself. Be sure to arrange to take some vacations.