Not a question, fast forward 5 years...

March 14, 2020 - my dear sweet mommy died. The last five years of taking care of my dad finally did her in. Ok - it’s not that simple..but here it is in a nutshell: 2015-2016 Dad continues to have multiple medical issues and do nothing for himself. Mom continues to enable him. Their life is becoming a blurred stream of doctors appointments and waiting for the mail to come so he can badger her about his VA disability appeal. In August 2016, he nearly ruined my son’s wedding with a low sugar episode (not prepared, not planning ahead as usual), so my mom had to leave the reception early and take care of him all night at the hotel while he had one of the first of many “s**t storms” that were to come. 2017-2018 brought us increased intensity as dad began to fall more, pee dribbles became outright incontinence - so the daily cath routine became a full time job for mom and she was officially imprisoned in her home. The medical conditions and VA treatments were endless (sleep studies, CPAP, oxygen, a parade of therapists, nutritionists, dieticians, etc). None of which he told the truth to and was compliant with any of their advice. But, if he could get a scooter, grab bars, or more meds for “free” from the VA - keep it comin’ love!

2018 brought a breast cancer diagnosis for mom. She had surgery and did radiation. Dad was very hurt when she refused to bring him along for her daily radiation treatments. He was “left out.” I guess it didn’t matter that on a regular day, just getting him ready, dressed, in the car, out of the car and back home exhausted her. He still carries this torch in bitterness even 4 months after her death. After mom finished radiation treatment, dad had a setback that caused him to need rehab and he was placed in a nursing home to get strength so he could be home. Mind you, there is still no home health care help involved yet. In 30 days, he managed to be moved to 3 different homes, assaulted a staff member, escaped out of the emergency exit, got sent to the hospital on psych and eventually after relentless phone calls to my mom and sister that varied from wailing, screaming, threatening, crying, begging - they couldn’t take it anymore and took him home. The upside? He (and she) did finally accept home health care and they got an aide. The rest of 2018 went along with s**t storms increasing and mom’s already minimal coping skills worn to a nub - dad adapted to the aide pretty well - mom completely underutilized her and clung to her own stubborn ways. 2019 was a year things went downhill steadily. Mom was increasingly overwhelmed and began to show physical illness which was chalked up to “caregiver” stress/syndrome. Dad continued to be an endless pit of neediness and the fights between them escalated. One morning, neither of them were feeling well and I made her call the squad for him. The EMTS tested for carbon monoxide and it turned out that their furnace was leaking and that is why they were feeling so poorly. My mom said to me that she wished she hadn’t have called the squad and that the gas would have just ended it for them both. Many many more expressions of wishing herself and him dead followed. I’m almost out of characters....to be continued.