Some people asked for an update I think. My mom did get moved to AL finally. I went to court and overturned the clause in guardianship where I couldn't move her from her home.
She's not doing well there though. She is being physically aggressive. Her dementia progressed a lot. She is having hallucinations and won't speak in English anymore. She did go to geri psych for 2-3 weeks and just went back to AL. She is being moved into memory care now. I am not sure how it will go because she can only afford the room with the roommate/companion. The private room greatly exceeds the benefits she gets every month. There has been a lot that has happened in between, but that's where things are at now. Feeling a bit sad, I have no family with my dad passed away and I never had a relationship with my mom to begin with. My dad's family was cut off a long time ago and I've never known my mom's family since they're all in Korea.
Thank you all for the encouraging and helpful words. Huge respect for all of you caretaking your loved ones at home because it kicked my ass in less than a year and has probably drained me mentally enough for the next at least ten years.
Start very slowly and carefully, respecting your limitations, building your new normal life. Walk under the trees, hot baths/showers with scented candles, your special brand of tea or coffee, a new book...
You have been and are under a lot of stress. Time to decompress. Take time to smell the roses! 🌹🌹🌹
So use GRIEF. That's what's happening and this is worth grieving. It is sad and it hurts like heck. You both hurt in your own soul and are in agony for your Mom's helpless hurt and pain. That's worth the G-word (GRIEF) for certain.
Guilt assumes you could change the world and wave some sort of a wand so there would be no pain for Mom. You can't. Grief knows you can't. No cure for grief but to carry it.
You do your Mom honor by having the best life you can for yourself.
thank you i appreciate it. i am definitely working towards that
thank you for the kind words. It's still been a bit stressful even with her being at AL. At first they were calling me all day long every day about this and that and I had to tell them don't call me unless it's an emergency or they need part of my guardianship for something. I also ended up having to block my mom's number. She was calling me literally every few minutes all day long from early morning until late night just to yell at me.
It took a while to get over the guilt but my mental health just couldn't take it anymore. And yes it is hard to even imagine how people do it for multiple years. It has left me with so much stress and anxiety
Get lots of rest, let the professionals do their magic, and find peace within yourself.
I too admire those here who are trying to do in home care. I was a nurse and knew from day one I would never have been capable of such a thing for a second; would never have attempted it.
My best out to you and again, thanks for the update.