My mom is 89 years old. Still lives in her home. I live an hour and a half away. My brother that has personality disorder lives with mom. My family is disfunctional. And that has caused lots of problems. I try to help mom with her life but her mind is fine. And legally she can make her own decisions. Still, I feel responcible for her life. Even though she will not listen to me or anyone. There is a situation going on now that is very dificult. Part of the reason for the situation is moms bad choices in the past. Yet I feel responcible for fixing what I can in the situation. I feel sick.
Any advice or help you can give would be appreciated.
Barbara
Find a good counselor who can help you learn to separate with love and do what you can do (if possible) in a healthy way for you!
When we make ourselves I'll trying to maintain other people's independence, we contribute to the delusion. Strong words, I know. But I've been through it.
In reality, I can do some things to divert and sometimes avoid bad situations. BUT at the end of the dementia trail, there really is nothing you can do to fix the person or fix the past. Really you can not even fix the person. So the brutal reality is that if you are not totally in charge of the person, you may for your own sanity, step back and let the chips fall. That is harsh, but we kill our own souls sometimes trying to fix others. That is not fair to ourselves or our spouses and children. Hang in there, go do something for yourself, even if for a couple of hours.
I think this is a "woman thing" - I have to fight to not want to fix things and jump into a situation if something isn't right. And sometimes I just have to accept that I can't change or affect outcomes made by others who are capable of making their own decisions.