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"Get together" is quite a stretchy concept. Presumably you weren't planning to throw the groceries onto his porch as you drove at speed past his house? - so in a sense, a little bit of a get together was involved in your offer anyway (not that you might not have had second thoughts about it all the same).

Compromise: take him some fresh fruit, stop for a cup of coffee, and see how it goes.

Also, he couldn't very well reply to your kindness by sending you a list and not inviting you in, could he; so you should be okay just sticking to what you had in mind, more or less. "Try anything once except incest and Morris dancing," they say. How bad can it be? - and if it's worse (!) you won't have to do it again.
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Well, a grocery run might involve a 15 or maximum 20 minute conversation whereas ducking out of a "visit" that quickly would just be impossibly rude.
I know I'm over thinking this. Fact is I've become something of a recluse since mom is gone and I know that's not a good thing.
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C Willie, I get nervous sometimes just at the thought of making a phone call to reschedule a Dr.'s appt so don't feel too bad about overthinking this.
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cwille,

I suppose you could shoot him an email back and say exactly what Gershun has said, explain that you are recovering from your own health issues and unfortunately don’t have much free time. Does that sound reasonable to you? I would understand if I received a message like that.

You can say that you will gladly run a couple of errands now and then.

When I was on complete bedrest my neighbor offered to do grocery shopping for me when she went to do her shopping. This woman had three young children, taught piano lessons, and so on. She was a busy woman so it threw me that she had the spare time to do a favor for me.

I graciously accepted her offer. When she delivered the groceries she wanted to put them away for me. Again I was surprised. I told her that I truly appreciated it but asked her to only place the cold things in fridge and to leave the rest because I knew that she was a busy woman. She smiled and said she would put the cold items in the fridge and then be on her way.

People don’t mind helping when others don’t take advantage. When my oldest daughter got home from school she put the remaining few groceries away.

Then she would pile up her school books and do her homework by my side. We would play board games in the bed or read books. I always felt badly for her that I had to remain in bed due to a high risk pregnancy but she talks about how fun it was to play board games on a big king sized bed.

Kids are so funny. So cute and sweet. They remember the time we spent with them. Precious memories.
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My problem is that I don't know which would make me feel worse - lying that I am too ill or busy when I'm recovering better than I expected and wasting my days screwing around online, or sucking it up and visiting. If I could only get sister to come along for the visit (she's more of an extrovert and closer to his age), but I know I can't ever count on her for anything.
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cwille,

I don’t think you are lying though. You are prioritizing your time to care for you. That care can be emotional or physical care. See what I mean?

You know that you had a serious situation. I’m thrilled you are recovering better than you expected but you have to admit that it was a serious medical concern that you had to address.

Good idea to ask your sister. She may say no but it can’t hurt to ask.
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CW, I understand. I have social anxiety and always get nervous when getting ready for an event or visiting people, especially people I haven't seen in a long time. Plus, small talk feels awkward to me. I've found sometimes just asking, "How are you?" gets the other person talking about their situation or whatever is going on with them, and I can just more or less listen without feeling like I have to keep thinking of stuff to talk about. Plus, sometimes that's what is needed more than anything is just a kind, listening ear.

I agree with asking your sister. She might surprise you and be willing to come along, especially if she knows his situation.
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Cwilly,

Just breath! I think sometimes we make a situation bigger and more complex in our head then it has to be. I do this myself! Lol! Just send your cousin an e-mail stating that you yourself have gone through some health issues and that you are still recovering. But that you wouldn't mind running some errands for him when you do your own; however you really are not up to socializing. Basically I am agreeing with Gershun and NHWM. There is no need for you to feel like a heel or beat yourself up over this. We all have our limits to what we can or will do.

We all do these things to some degree...we want to help, but we don't want to get to involve. So, we as humans arrange things to fit what we are comfortable in doing!

Personally, I think you should go and just do a 20 to 30 minute visit. I think it would be good for you, but that is just me:/

I am glad that you a getting better. And remember to just breath...it will work out!
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I think you might be overthinking it a little bit, yes :)

Stopping by for fifteen to twenty minutes and delivering his groceries would be absolutely FINE. The man's got terminal cancer, and he's having chemo: short-and-sweet is exactly the kind of visit that will do him most good.

You don't need to tell him anything about your schedule, true or otherwise. But to make you feel more comfortable you could deliberately pick a morning when you genuinely do need or want to be somewhere else. E.g. drop in his groceries at eleven when you're having your hair done at twelve. That kind of thing.

Bear in mind that you're much more likely to give him reliable, consistent support if you don't hate doing it!
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OMG I am not in the holiday spirit this year. We are doing the holiday meal a day early as I have to work Christmas, and I am ok with that,, but the decorating and shopping are just not in my wheelhouse right now.. but I am trying. So today hubs and I run away for the day.. mom all set up, phone nearby. Off we go for breakfast , auto dealership, shopping and Costco.. and my phone goes off.. Hooray its not Mom!! No indeed, its my droopy friend who is always to sick to go anywhere ( And I try.. several times a month). Her dad passed last week, she broke up with her BF a dang YEAR ago ( get on with your life FGS, the BF, not here dad) It's all drama. So she textes me for over an hour, she is depressed ( yes I get that, I am too), complaining about her mom ( OK, I do that too) But I tried to politely let her know hubs and I had a few precious hours to ourselves.. to try to get some holiday spirit going..why do I answer my phone?? am I too nice? Maybe?
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Pam, don't you just love this time of year! The frenzied Christmas shoppers, the traffic, the endless Christmas carols. LOL!

I was shopping yesterday and there was an Aretha Franklin Christmas carol playing. I said out loud to myself. Shut the blank up! I think I probably just need to paint myself green this year and call myself Grinch. No one would argue. I can be a real downer during this joyous season.
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This is the first year where I am feeling the Christmas spirit, the last 7+ yrs I was the Grinch. My funny and sweet sig other bought me one year the Grinch pajamas the ones that are a one piece with the feet! It made me laugh, but I wore them with pride! Lol! But won't be wearing them this year!

I hope Pam and Gershun that you both still have a wonderful holiday even if your Grinchy! We all still love you both!
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I must get a pair of those pajamas. I'll wear them at my sister's place on Christmas day.

Love to you too Shell!

The Grinch
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Gershun,

I bet you would look cute in them! Plus your sister will get a kick out of it! I would if someone showed up in Grinch pjs at my house.
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Shell,

Those were my favorite pajamas as a kid. I loved them. I used to call them my footie pajamas. Hahaha

I watch the grinch every year! That and Charlie Brown. I love the music in Charlie Brown!
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Cwillie,

my advice - go for a quick visit and who knows, maybe a once a week backgammon game might be something to look forward to
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Thanks, Send

I got the Viking a stuffed kitty which she calls her dog - she occasionally hurls it like a football when she gets upset during diaper changes - 🙀
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Madge,

I love that name, Viking! I smile every time I see you post it. 😊
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Hey Pam,

Bah, humbug! Hahaha 😂
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MsM - hurling a stuffed kitty is so much better than hurling a real one. Or the caregiver😉
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NHWM,

Here I thought I was to old to watch Charlie Brown not that stop me. Love the Grinch also! I guess, we really never grow up...do we? Lol
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Well today was better.. I ran away for 4 hours with my BFF whos hubs just passed, and then this week her niece passed too. But we managed to get the "little stuff" shopping done, and had some laughs and a nice lunch ( she is the opposite of "droopy" and a joy to be around) Even remembering her hubs was joyous and not terrible, remembering the good and not the bad. And to my happy surprise I found a little gift for my hubs that he doesn't know about. It is the cutest gold pug cookie jar with cookies in it! About 14 inches tall, and he can store his cash or what not in it later. He does love that dog, says she has brought some life back into our "old age" house! At our age, in our house, most gifts are "what do you want" or were shopping together and see something.. or gift cards to places we go.. sort of not very spontaneous ..
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Do not drive if you are Tipsy, Buzzed, or Blitzen.
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Talkin abt grinch pjs..... omg i found some adult size footie pjs wth hoodie at walmart today. My mom just laffed and said “ i wldnt b caught dead in those”....another customer said it would be hard to get to the bathroom in a hurry in those. I looked, yep, no backside hatch....ah well, its too dang hot in Florida to wear those anyway...im still in shorts and tank top!!!
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Just returned from a neighborhood holiday party and had a lovely time! And to think I almost didn’t go, almost stayed home with the kids but they said they wanted to walk over with hubby so I went ahead and went. Didn’t recognize most of the neighbors even though we’ve all been in this neighborhood for years. I did recognize a nice gentleman that lives behind us, I met him earlier this year after my kids found his car crying at our back gate. He had a name tag with his phone number & I thought he must have gotten lost so I called & they came and got him. A few years before this, we found their beagle in our driveway, they didn’t answer when we called so we just put him in their yard and secured the gate. So I met that gentleman’s wife tonight and she’s a nice lady. She works with the gal who hosted the papery. Also turns out it was their daughters car that was broken in to over night on Thursday which everyone had been talking about. Luckily nothing was stolen, she had her work laptop and a bunch of clothes in the car so we think the burglar must have been scared off. It was really a lovely gathering of neighbors and I have to say, we have some really nice neighbors! Everyone was so warm and friendly. Most are a bit older than me and they thought I was a teenager LOL but it’s all good, I enjoy being around older people. Don’t really care for people around my own age. Also took a trip down memory lane! It was 8 years ago almost to the day, when I spotted a few suspicious subjects attempting to break in to the hostess’s house! 2 twists of fate that day. 1) is that I had just gone in to the kitchen with my daughter to make a ginger bread house. It was around 3 in the afternoon, our kitchen is at the front of the house and faces out toward this particular neighbors house. I saw 2 boys around 17-18 years old, standing in the corner acting suspicious (like lookouts). And I knew they didn’t live in the neighborhood. I saw a third walk up to the house and go to the fence on the left side. Then one of the guys on the corner, crossed the street and went up the driveway and disappeared. The 2nd twist of fate is that my husband was on his first day of vacation, normally he would have been at work. He was in the garage doing something and when I realized what was happening, I told him and called the cops and then went out and confronted them and thwarted the burglary! When the cops arrived, 2 of the kids were now in the park and the 3rd was found in the backyard. We also found out that the neighbors teenage daughter was home alone! I had forgotten about that.
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OMG! My should say that my husband called the cops, and then when out and confronted the burglars. Heavens no that wasn’t me! I was 8 months pregnant LOL! I was in the house watching everything from the kitchen window!

and wanted to add....what was ice about this “holidays in the hood” party is that we realized how many of us are connected in various ways and didn’t know it until now! Like the lady who’s cat came to our house one day....found out that her ex FIL, who’s retirement party she just attended, worked for the sheriffs dept and worked closely with my husband when they were both in their respective departments narcotics unit! Another neighbors son is my husband coworker, but my husband & I already knew that because this neighbor is also my husband’s other coworkers BIL. This same neighbor is the head of the probation department and was part of the evaluation panel when my husband got his promotion. I have seen a police car at their house a lot over the last year and thought it was their nephew visiting, he is also on the force. Turns out it is their son and he still lives at home. There were just a lot of interesting connections between everyone!

point is.....I hope all you have nice neighbors too. Don’t be afraid to introduce yourselves to them too. One of the gals at the party lives on the street behind us and for years, for many years, I have seen her walking her dogs past my house and never said anything! I feel like I know her and her dogs because I’ve seeb them regularly for as long as I can remember! But I’ve never so much as waved or smiled! Took a neighborhood holiday party for us to actually meet. And this got me to thinking....we should all know our neighbors. And look out for each other.
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Worried- you had me worried, :) when I first read you confronted them. Glad it wasn't you, especially being with child. :)
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"What if Christmas, 'he thought, 'Doesn't come from a store....what if Christmas, perhaps, means a bit more? - The Grinch (Dr. Suess)
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I am off work for the next 3 days! And we had a light snow, and I had already decided that I was not leaving the house for any reason but a medical emergency ( My own families, not a work one..and indeed they did call to see if I could come in.. NOPE) I actually got a lot done, and am feeling more "Christmassy" Gifts wrapped, a few cards done ( only 4,,and am I the only one who is not in the mood to do tons of cards this year?) I am feeling a bit more optimistic,, horray!
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I’m usually fairly serious. However, my son, his wife and three kids have no boundaries. Occasionally my 15 yr old grandson will say they’re embarrassing. My granddaughter 11 is into unicorns. I was shopping online and found her a pair of footie, hooded unicorn pajamas. They’re white with pink, lavender And other pastel touches (on the horn, mane, tail). I picked out her size and realized I could get them for the whole family. So my 40 year old son and DIL, plus kids 15, 11, and 6 are all getting unicorn pajamas for Christmas Eve. I offered a Christmas cash bonus for all who will ride their bikes or sleds around the neighborhood and post on Facebook and Instagram before 9:00PM on Christmas Eve. Year before last, the kids got scooters. They had red polka dot footie pajamas and posted family photos of themselves out on the sidewalk in front of their house in CA. Now sure how this will play out in their new very formal Illinois neighborhood. I also sent a pair for my son’s MIL. I think she’s spending Christmas with them. I wouldn’t want her to feel left out.
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