Rant only, please excuse me
So many of you have been so helpful here, thank you! So many of you have taken the time to explain your situations so that I could relate and feel better. I can't thank you enough! I think about you guys, and I send you good wishes through the airwaves, not that it helps but I just wanted you to know that you're well thought of. I am so angry about some things, and one of the people here suggested that I come here to get angry and get it out. So that's what I'm doing here. I don't know that I could be of any help or anything else, and please excuse me because I don't have a question, this is just for me. I guess for selfish reasons I am writing it here instead of just writing it to myself where no one else can see it. I am so damn angry! I'm angry at everything and everybody! Things are nowhere near as bad for me as they are for everybody else here, but for some reason I just have to say this. I'm so angry that my amazing mother has been reduced to repetitive behaviors and frustration and sadness. I am so insanely angry with myself for not being able to remember that this is not her fault. So many of the things she says and does are similar to things that have been issues for us before. Now, however, she can't fix any of this and she can't understand it and I keep expecting things to be better like an idiot!! I don't like being stupid! I'm defensive about it, and I think my mother probably said something when I was a kid like I could do better because I was smart or whatever because it's such a big issue with me. She has an oppositional style of conversation or communication, and that's something that I had to work on myself to correct so that I didn't do that as much to other people. I'm trying to be more assertive and less passive aggressive, but she can't improve, she doesn't even understand it, and, I'm just so upset. Thank you for letting me get that out and giving me a place to do it and for suggesting it. I hope I have haven't bothered anybody.
Golden put it in a nutshell. And Carla, you were right on point with realizing we dont have control.
Joanne you have come to the right place, so vent on and on. It has saved my sanity and brokeness to be able to expresss myself openly and not feel foolish or selfish.
There is a great wealth of info coming from some awesome folk as you have seen. Each one reaching out to help and support. you reach out and someone is there. I
So here we are, being a caregiver with no job experience, no pay, no employment benefits, and everyone expects us to be Mary Poppins... Hazel... June Cleaver... Dr Quinn Medicine Woman... Dr. Joyce Brothers..., a member of CSI.... and Supernanny.
I know there were times when I wanted to go running screaming into the night.
Nobody likes to have their life taken out of their control. This goes for you as well as her. It's her illness and disability, but you are as much a hostage to it as she is. You can't walk away any more than she can. And that's especially infuriating because you still have a life to live.
Feel free to vent if it helps. You need to do whatever you can do to make yourself feel better. And please, have some compassion for yourself. You're in an awful situation. It's natural to be angry. And you're not alone, even if it feels like it. You have support here. We're on your side. Be good to yourself, please.
I'm pissed off at the world for totally destroying my life. Oh sure, I'm alive as others tell me. But the two people that my life revolved around are not available to be. So I'm basically alone and so damn angry over what has become. I'd rather stay alone than be with others smiling over their perfect lives. Believe me, I feel you.
If it's any consolation, I suspect that caregivers of those with cancer, muscle degenerative issues, other aging relates issues are facing similar challenges. If you can find a support group, that also could help.
And, you're not alone. Aging well is a challenge for anyone.
Right now, just treat yourself to some activity that isn't age or care related.