Hello to all my forum friends who were so much there for me over the months of frustration and worry over Mom. On Thursday, it will be three weeks since she passed. I think of her a lot and I wish I could get rid of the pictures in my mind from the last couple of months. It still feels like I'm going to wake up and this will have been a dream. My Dad visited me in a dream after he died, but Mom hasn't.
The memorial service is over, I've found homes for most of Mom's little possessions, pictures, etc and I'm close to wrapping up the legalities, paying bills. I thought once the worry and responsibility was over I would feel so much more relaxed but I guess the after effects hit me.
Our planned 1500 mile camping trip to visit family, leaving Friday didn't happen. I haven't been feeling well for a couple of weeks, maybe from months of pent up stress and I was too sick to go. A doctor visit, and two days later Urgent Care, a UTI and IV for hydration.
My GP had put me on an antidepressant and the very first pill made me sick for four days which aggravated my persistent vertigo.
Wow, I thought I was so strong, that I was dealing with things, but I guess emotional recovery is going to take a while!
How is everyone else doing?
House renos will be completed this summer and now spring is here there's so much to do around the homestead. Too chilly to seed yet but planted potatoes the other day. I don't bend well so I work raised veggie beds sitting on a stool. Getting the greenhouse prepared and chickens coming in a couple of weeks. I can't do everything and my house looks like a bomb hit it but I've only myself to suit.
Take it one day at a time and do whatever makes you happy.
I also thought I would go stay in a bed and breakfast or cottage or visit out of state. Uh No! It has been seven months since mom went into a home and I am just now being able to use my memory! my body has also aged a good 10yr.... Give yourself a break- Oh and dont let other people influence you saying you should be DOING things- I have and it just made me feel guilty that I wasnt.
Your body is talking to you, it needs to decompress and heal.
Plus we have aged ourselves over that time, I feel so elderly myself where before I could do just about anything I put my mind to. Today I went out to pull weeds and I squat down to do that, my gosh I had a hard time trying to stand up and keep my balance. How did I get so old so quickly !! Bummer !!
Yep, good old Urgent Care, they know me on a first name basis. This past Saturday I was trying to carry out heavy trash bags from the basement from my parent's old house and I started to get chest pains... of course I went into full panic mode... sig other took me to Urgent Care as I was scared I was having a heart attack. Whew, turned out it was a pulled muscle.
I haven't traveled in over six years, I really should change my screen name from freqflyer to noflyer. I refuse to get on a plane. I just don't want to leave my house, as it is my comfort zone. I still have my Dad to content with, but he's easy to work with and he's safely tucked in his Independent/Assisted living apartment. So I am breathing a bit easier on one side of the coin, but still a tried mess on the other side of that coin.
We will get through this... hopefully the beautiful spring weather will make us enjoy life once again :)