I gave grandma lunch. A bowl of cottage cheese, a single serving container of mandarin oranges and a coffee. Just when I sat down in the other room she called me. I got up and went to her. She wanted me to dump the oranges into her bowl of cottage cheese.....................
She said, then there must be something wrong with your fingers
Since she has dementia she may have forgotten how to do it, or wasn't confident that she could do it correctly. Or she may have concluded that since she is retired from cooking she shouldn't be doing those kinds of things.
But, yup, being called back to dump oranges onto cottage cheese could definitely be annoying!
While standing there...the cat jumped up and mom offered the glass of ice water to the cat!
Guess who drinks the ice water? Cat is apparently so spoiled it requires the water to be ice cold now too!
My plan is to just bring a low ball glass of ice water every so often...whenever I am going to her any way. Save me the time and trouble to deal with it on a separate trip. (Just one more item on the tray.).
Honestly, that cat is a much bigger bother than mom!
I could practically put that breakfast tray together in my sleep. Now, I just regret that I didn't sit with her while she ate. Couldn't spare the hour at the time - who's got an hour to spare in the morning? But you don't get it back again later.
It took some time to reach this stage. It is easier once it is perfectly clear something has changed. Hardest years were before we had a clue what was going on. At one point I thought my mom was faking and had just figured out a way to have our attention. How wrong I was.
PS. On another note: Our three homes were next to each other. (another tip: We had baby monitors in each house so we could hear when our mom woke up at night. Baby monitors worked from across the street.)
Spoon feed her. Ha, I barely even spoonfed my babies back in the day. I gave them a couple of months to figure it out and let them feed themselves.
Okay, I'll share my annoying thing for the day. It is when someone says something bothered them and other group members say that they will feel different after their loved one dies. In many instances I think there is unresolved grief issues that may not be relevant to everyone.
I try to find humor in this (the kids think it's hilarious) but he is the last "generation" of this kind of dinosaur, I think. I see my boys walking through the door at the end of their work day and seamlessly stepping into "dad-mode" and I KNOW I did something right. My hubs wanted a cold drink at the end of the day, and I always took the cap off the soda for him. He never stepped up into child care at the end of his day--that was MY job.
Tired Reader--you hit a tender spot with a lot of us!! I am also a PT caregiver for my Mother and making her lunch salad is like putting together a puzzle--if you put too many beets in it, she pouts. It's crazy, but it's the crazy I know.
Good place to vent--esp today. Fed hubby 2 meals in bed since he didn't feel well yesterday.
My father moved to AL. I did not unpack all his boxes as I thought it would give himself something to do and help him settle in. A few months go by and he tells me he has no warm clothing. Yes he does, I know it was packed. I had to drive 25 miles to lift the lid off a box marked clothing to show him a box full of sweaters. Another time he said I needed to buy him more shampoo. I did only to find a computer sized box in his closet marked "bathroom' filled with bottles and bottles of shampoo and other necessities. When I asked why he didn't go through these boxes he said he just "didn't get around to it". Seriously? What has he been doing for all those weeks???
Does anyone think I am really going to miss all those trips to the ER and wasting more hours than I can count over frivilous and made up ailments? Or all the times he dumped plans with me because one of his nephews were going to visit? Or all the vacation time I gave up to run him to all those doctors? Or all those phone calls that always started with "I've got a problem..."? Or all the conversations that revolve around what he did in the bathroom.
Please caring for an elder is a very hard job. Please don't condemn those of us who do not find doing this fulfilling. Sometimes you just need to vent and have others tell you they understand what you are going through. The guilt trips are not necessary and quite frankly uncalled for.
She said she was going to complain to them about it, and I asked her nicely not to do it while I was in the car. Reason being she gets so loud and confrontational that I'm embarrassed to be seen with her.
So today we had to go to Panera on our way home to pick up a smoothie for my sister who was sick at home. As we're leaving the first window after ordering, she says to me "You didn't say anything about my bear claw." and I said "No, and I'm not planning to. I asked you not to bring that up while I'm in the car." So as we're being handed our order she shouts rudely at the headset-wearing woman at the window "YOU OWE ME A BEARCLAW!!!" The poor woman had no idea what my mother was yelling about and luckily was more frightened than annoyed. When my mother repeated it, the girl just meekly threw a bearclaw into a bag and handed it out the window. This is just typical of my mother - rude, obnoxious, and zero regard for anyone's feelings but her own.
I don't know if it helps...probably depends on your mood in the moment...but she may truly not know how to combine the two - or just fear that she is wrong about how to do it. Hard to believe but it happens. I remember asking my mom what she wanted to drink. We went around it for five minutes and she would not tell me. I asked "do you want coke or milk?" and she would not tell me. I offered other choices with the same result. I was so sick of making every single decision and I just wanted her to make this one decision. Finally, I ranted for two minutes about how it was her drink, it had to satisfy her and she was the only one who could make that decision and I was tired of making all the decisions. Then it hit me like a thunderbolt. I asked her if she knew what the word "drink" meant. She threw her arms out to th e side and said, "I have no idea what you are talking about". In the last 12 hours she had lost the meaning of the word drink.
I had an Uncle with Alz. Who had a rash on his legs so we picked up a prescription lotion for him. My aunt sent him into the bathroom to treat his legs. After 15 minutes he still had not returned. She went to check on him and found that he thought it was a suppository and was trying to figure out how to squirt it into his butt. She had to show him how to spread it onto his legs.
Even when they truly need help with simple things, after a long day it can be really hard to remain patient. There were evenings when I snuck some bourbon into my coke with dinner because it kept me from being snappish.