None of my siblings want to help mom with dementia and she refuses care.
I can't really fault them because she was a narcissistic, emotional bully for all of our life. The only other sibling that will somewhat deal with her is my brother and his wife who came to reside with us temporarily to help out but they have made it known that they are also cutting off ties with her after the holidays when they move next spring. I've called her doctor because she still continues to drive albeit hitting strangers cars, driving in the middle of the night, etc. When I took away the keys, my brother said it was a felony to take away the keys because it it is like stealing property. So now I'm trying to involve her doctor. Unfortunately, she refuses to acknowledge she is having difficulty remembering things and her doctor was a little shocked when she said for him NOT to contact any of her children including me to come with her to doctor visits.
I am completely at a loss because she is still driving which I'm scared she will not only end up getting hurt but hurting someone else. She doesn't give me any private time (sometimes I come out of the bathroom and she is standing at the door waiting for me or will stand by the kitchen table talking the entire time my family and I are having dinner about herself and making up grandiose stories that well all know are not true). I am so stressed that I now have an ulcer and am going through early menopause in my 30s. My father who is still alive (he is remarried) I would gladly help him through this stage but I'm starting to feel not only burnt out but resentful and coming to the realization that I really do not like her at all.
My apologies if this comes off cold and I feel uncomfortable admitting all of this but there is much more (such as her inviting people here over the holidays to a party she wants to have for herself and insisting I cook for her party when I already have to cook for Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years). Last, I heard she invited over 50 people and I had to find this out through a family friend. Maybe I just needed to vent because I'm at my wits end.
For your sake, detach yourself from this situation. Your siblings made their decisions. You can make yours, too. What you are doing now does not sound like a good decision. Totally giving up all contact with Mother does not sound like something you could do and retain your self respect. But there is a large range between doing nothing and doing everything. Figure out what you are comfortable with, and offer ONLY that amount of help.
Are you living in her house, or is she living in yours?
Your brother is bailing and so should you. You've offered help and she refuses. Case closed until she agrees to get some additional help. Get some counseling if this sounds too hard to do on your own. You deserve a happy life and you can still be a caring, loving daughter (which you already are) without letting your mom control you and ruin your life.