Dad has been pretty mopey for a long time. Now that I have cancer he calls me every day with a conversation that seems like death warmed over and I lost it with him. He’s calling me for him, not for me. This led to kerfuffel where I almost called 911. It was kind of elder drama but you still have to check.
Anyways there’s absolute deniability that he’s ever been hard to work with, not even once. Never went crazy over the mail, and all kinds of things he’s magically forgotten.
I need positive energy, not the bullsh*t I get. It was so bad I almost blocked his phone number, which would have meant wellness check after wellness check and a lecture from some asshole in blue. Ask me how I know that would happen.
As an aside, I hope your family shows up better than mine has if you land in my situation: one tried to pick a fight, one hasn’t help at all, and one told me, inspirationally, that she knew someone who lived a whole year. Ironically, they all got pulled from the will, the dickhead most of all.
So I got an idea, homework for dad.
1st project, tell me a joke or I’m not taking you to lunch. HE THREW A MASSIVE FIT, started yelling at me. I hung up on him. But, he did it, with all kinds of whining about my being mean to him.
2nd project, tell me something from history I didn’t know. AGAIN, HE THREW A MASSIVE FIT! But, he found some city in Peru that was kind of cool, and then I had to hear about aliens visiting the planet but still a million times better than the usual conversations.
His friends all cracked up about it because they’re probably as tired of the whiney depressed bullsh*t, too.
Anyways, it was a bit of fun in a place that’s been no fun for a long time.
Hope it helps at least some of you, and be committed to it, walk if you have to.
In a way I'm doing similar with my dad. He whines and complains so much, sometimes I tell him, " Dad, tell me some more stories from the 1960s when you moved to London". Then his eyes light up, he starts some stories, and we actually both enjoy that time/ discussion!
I became a 'listening post' to a friend who had slid into depression years ago. Night after night calls of Woe.Is.Me. It felt selfish at first to try to re-direct.. but I realised any dialogue had slid into a MONOlogue - had already become selfish. What I needed to do was restore the balance.
Just as you found - whoa! A FIT. How dare you!!!
I've since seen my DH do the same with a sibling. He's more blunt. 'I'm your Brother, not your therapist. Get one'.
As to family showing up.. ha ha.
There's the battle of the trumpet blowers (I'VE done ALL this..) some flying monkeys & one that brings cake. The quiet background doer of good deeds is not related by genetics. A golden gift.
Bring on more alien chat YES!!!
I love your post! I adore your sense of humor and your ability to outsmart your dad.
My favorite people are the ones who tell me my ATTITUDE will determine my outcome with stage 4 cancer. Oh really? What a really STOOPIT thing to tell someone, to suggest that their frame of mind dictates what cancer is going to DO in the body. But hey, thanks for the "pep talk".....
I'm glad you came up with such a clever idea to stop dad from carrying on with constant misery and negativity!
Good to hear you are keeping on keeping on Someguy.