Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
It would be better to post your own question than to go through the Dysfunctional Families thread, as it covers many many people and your issues will not get the replies that you deserve when starting off.
Welcome to the site, there are lots of helpful people and helpful information. If you click on Care Topics at the top of the screen, you will get an alphabet. See what might help you to browse. Yours, Margaret
Feel free to post. If people post self-righteous, judgmental responses with interrogating-type questions that only inflict more pain and increase the same plus do not validate your current feelings, I will stand up for you and personally report them to the administrators. I'm sure others here feel the same way.
Any way, it's your choice. You are anonymous and welcome.
It was sad to read recent posts.
Joanne I am not aware of the circumstances but I encourage you to keep posting. Yoda gave good advice.
I came on board broken in so many ways expressing my brokenness as best I could.
I mean we see certain characteristics in those who hurt us in a plethora of ways.
My thing was that in the midst of pompousness and clicks the overriding factor was the beauty of wise and caring people who touched my spirit in a shocking way.
Sone questions interrogations for clarity were addressed openly and at times with trepidation.
Because of my experience and programming and dysfunction I knew my issue in considering the feelings of others tiptoeing around people and knowing deep down that people I tiptoes around in any essence were not good for me due to manipulation shamecand blame. Also knowing that they could not handle any degree of truth when called out or just plain old addressed respectfully when confronted. The result would be either a structured attack in retaliation in guilt blame shame.
So I. This forum from day one the constructive responses and critique was an answer t to my prayers.
Careful not to respond to bait or condescending reactions to how I wrote or responded to others. It amazed me how things can be perceived as insult and at same time thecresponses were in essence the same type spirit in my loved ones tactics and manipulations for whatever reason and needs. Degrading, insulting dismissal ridicule so many violations in so many ways.
My focus was the beauty that was very rare for me. Understanding and most of all knowing me and what it means for someone to even try and understand or just understand because they know. Just care. Relate. Interest concern.
So keep posting there are so many good souls on board here.
This forum is one of the best blessings in my life.
Objective understanding and support and subtle guidance from being in worse or same trenches able to share their own pain experience and wisdom struggles in this arena called life.
SHaring and caring
Much love to you all.
Take care everyone.
Do something nice for yourself today. You really do deserve it.
much love!
Joanne - I think this thread is pretty safe though nowhere online is 100% safe. Hope you are getting therapy to help you recover from your abusive experiences.
turtle - it's great sharing with others who have been there. Validation!
duck - your post touched me. Indeed you have negotiated all the responses to your posts very well.
I realized the other day that I have spent just over 1/2 my life in this city and nearly 1/2 my life in this house. No wonder moving is a bit emotional.
I have changed my plans a little and am hoping to move in November some time. I don't want to spend another winter here. I'll leave a little furniture for staging but move most to the condo. Its time. I'm emptying or reducing the contents of closets and cupboards these days Who needs 6 pairs of sunglasses and a couple of pairs of safety glasses. These are left overs from the kids. That's the trouble with having the space - it gets filled!
Dgd wants dd and sil to move to Edmonton where she and bf are. Dd likes that idea. With oldest son moving there eventually, it would mean lots of us close together. She asked, if they move there, could she grow some veggies on the cottage lot. Of course!!! 🍅 🥒🥕🍆 😊
I had to rehash history with legal intake process yesterday. I was already in a bad place feeling guilty for not able to see my mother in two weeks. Also I guess this was I time I can't stop remembering the ugly from my mother and sister. I even have dreams regularly. I wish I could learn to stop those memories.
Today was another day of tear breaks in public I knew I was bad which is why I wasn't up to the visit routine.
I need help it's coming slowly but sometimes I unravel.
So I'm in process of legal aid. My mother is approved for Medicaid. I call the guardian office to give info and got the number is wrong.
Somehow I had the agency lawyer number so I left message.
So much in my head I'm good but I wonder how I held so much in. Why I cannot be oblivious to this s#$@ like I was before.
Anyways I'm still kind of good
Wishing all the best for everyone.
Golden, I would be inpsych ward if I was moving. All the best. I admire your resilence.
Hope ypu all are well.
Rays of love peace and healing to us all.
Ps. Keep smiling it comes back and feels good.
The move is happening and I am needing to process the many feelings triggered by moving. Takes time and energy.
Dd is looking better and better and very slowly getting more energy back.
Shout out to everyone Do something good for you. For me it is time to get my hair done again - maybe medium ash blonde low lights this time!
we can’t correct this. It’s over $1400 and we are not willing to sell off stock my heart is broken, I can’t make it right this time
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Can he ride into work with a co-worker?
If you do give him money for the car, go make the payment yourself so youknow for sure where the money is going.
I used to buy grocery store gift cards for my daughter instead of cash for my daughter when she was being fiscally unsound, that way I knew where the money was going
Please dont feel guilty, there is only so much you can do .
Of course you need to stop "lending" the money and watch over your own retirement. It is a sad situation. Some companies will help find carpooling opportunities. Don't try to fix it for him. Is he dating? Living with someone?
Is there public transportation? Oh, now I think they are in a large metro area? If it is where I am now remembering, there is a great public transportation system! He needs to figure it out. There are many many jobs available in that area. Maybe he needs to find a new job closer to home.
There are many people leaving that city, costs are very, very high! It used to be a wonderful, exciting place to live with so much to do. Now, crime rates and cost of living are pushing long time residents out. I, personally, would never live in that area again.
Some companies in the area offer financial counseling. Maybe that is available from your son's company. Look back at messages I have sent to you. There are also free credit counseling for those with financial difficulty, and it should be free! They can renegotiate loans, etc... Can he get a roommate? There are many people that need to do this because of high costs!
golden, we are budging in helping them this time. We have bailed our son out more than once even in his first marriage. Never has he paid us back. Yes eating out is expensive , like I said my hubs I have not gone out in a year or more expect for fast food
Glad, from what I understand he is getting a ride to snd from with a co worker.
everyone, part of what I see the problem being is my dil is in couceling, even with co pays etc, counseling is expensive. She has scheduled a breast reduction for February of 2023. She has all types of medical issues with chronic kidney stones, back issues. She is trying to get on permanent disability. Her dog has been called an emotional support dog so she Carrie’s everywhere. This type of dog does not need certificates or training. You can get a vest from Amazon for an emotional support dog. It is a trend. She showed me a picture today for a tortilla press I’m assuming she ordered from Amazon.
while my son is not innocent in all this, he needs to put his foot down. Stop going out to Texas Road house , stop the donuts for breakfast and eating out for breakfast. We all want to treat ourselves now and then but not weekly. He was not raised to have dinners or breakfast out this often. He does not control his fiancés well.
I’ve detached and am staying out of it. I can’t spend my life worrying about him.
I went to the dr yesterday. Another possible issue of an abcess in the groan this time. They were able to lance it this time. They told me it would not hav3 clear up on it own. I’m on an antibiotic and hopefully it will clear up without going to wound care. I don’t understsnd why this is happening to me. I can’t worry about my son.
Sorry to see you have another infection but glad it is being treated. Have you had a checkup recently? Is your blood sugar OK? I know you are on some medication, or you were anyway, to help control blood sugar.
Hope your hubs is doing better with that.
Yes, you need to look after yourself.
Now a situation where my wife may need to retire early and there goes out insurance. 4 more years until medicare. To be honest we need her income. I can just try to sell more...... gee never thought of that.
more stress on us on top of dad living here.
Our daughter is having a baby soon so we are over the moon about that. Just the stress of not being able to get away to clear out heads without worry and having to have him looked after. Not a fan of strangers in the house, TBH not ever going to happen.
Just the planning and logistics are painful. He is using a walker now when he goes out and I think he likes it because everyone comes running to help him. Opening doors etc. I find it painful to watch as I see him at home and how mobile he is but when he is in public he becomes a cripple. He needed to use the walker and a friend who picks him up to take him to the lodge said he wouldn't unless he had one as he fell a couple of months ago. But amazing he will let people cater to him. I go the other way and make him do as much as he can within reason. Others may see me as I don't care but they don't live with him. Funny, when he is going out for food he can move like Johnny Lighting. Otherwise, he cant move a muscle.
Without insurance, which I do not have I owe the dr $1,300. I’m paying $100,00 a month. While speaking of bills, I called the bank to ask for a lower interest rate on my credit card. They agreed and cancelled my card, which was fine. Because we got a rebate from the state of Idaho. I paid the bank $4.00.00 this month. I should get the bank paid off after the first of the year with my yearly mandatory IRA
distribution and income tax return.
I will get Medicare in December this year. I’m getting Medicare advantage which is cheaper than original Medicare.
my sister is adjusting to living in Kentucky. The humidity is very bad there especially in the summer. She lived with her daughter for about :3 months before painting, new carpets and other thing in the homes she bought.
sendjng love and prayers for everyone.
Sharyn l want to share that I used to get boils a lot which are similar can turn to access. Anyways so very painful.
I started wondering why I was getting them so often it was scary..I was told it was a type of genetic predisposed this went on for years very painful I soon learned techniques even ordered boil cream. Saw doc many times. Years later I realized they started when I had a lot of stress.
Also years ago one of my wise 3G's inboxes me about castile soap. Been using it ever since made a very signicsnt. Improvement.
Tg hang in there.
The 31st is my father's anniversary 42yrs. Sometimes it hits like yesterday at any given time
On that note thanks for repeatedly advising me about self talk.. it's up and down for me but better when im feeling good about my self. Still working towards counseling. Its a tad overwhelming and I kinda almost shut down and froze because all the things I was tryingto address came back to back I couldn't keep up. Pension check without taxes' lawyer reaching out retelling my issues to social workers and lawyer and the underlying stress about my visit to see my son for his promotionband Thanksgiving
Knowing it's in my head.
Anyways thank you all. Much love for you all.
This forum means a lot. I honestly think ofbyou all at every issue.
I pray you all are well. HUGS any rays of love and peace to us all.
Still a recovering caregiver, seven years later.....
It takes a long time.....😢😢😢😢
Why is there still so much traffic out there?!
sharyn - hope that infection clears up quickly. A lower interest rate on your cc is a good thing!!!
duck -hang in there and get that counselling. It will help! I still think of my father. and my parents' wedding anniversary a few days ago.
glad - only 2 lots showed up here, 6 kids total, and I didn't have anything to give out. It has been steadily going down for years. I used to get around 75. Glad you had fun with it. I hear you about being a recovering caregiver. We do not recover quickly.
I had a wood fire on tonight and thoroughly enjoyed it The move has slowed down. R is overwhelmed with shutting down the farm and I still have things to do and am OK with that. One step at a time.
Take care, all.
My Dad was not breathing right and my younger sister and I could not wake him. Mom was not home, so we asked a neighbor for help, thinking he was dead. His breathing settled into loud snoring, and we were taken to the neighbors home overnight.
P.S. Forgot to say Dad was drunk and passed out. Breathing was loud, gasping for air, then not breathing, then snoring.
You are right though. Things happen for a reason including childhood experiences.
Extreme, gasping for breath, could not arouse from sleep, abdomen spasming.
No drugs or alcohol in urine. Getting it checked out.
Thanks for weighing in Gershun and Golden.
I got Part G because I am fully covered for a major illness. My understanding is that you cannot switch from Part C to Part G if you begin to have serious health issues. Part G is the better coverage?