Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
🏆🥇🏆🥇🏆🥇🏅🎖️🏅🎖️
There should be SOME reward for putting up with dysfunctional families,
SO the Oscar for best supporting role for a caregiver in a dysfunctional family goes to.........................
SOUNHAPPY.
(clap clap clap)
Sorry about the best SUPPORTING thing, but we have had to give the Oscar for Best role for caregiver with Dysfunctional Family to Midkid, because she's been here longer, and dealing with it longer. Keep working. There's always next years Oscars. Start on the gown and acceptance speech now.
Just stay away from my “family”.
I had about the best parents in the entire world. And certainly the best bro.
I gotta say it hurt like Hades to see them go from me.
But my PARTNER???
Now he had the MOM from Hades. And when SHE went he just gave an odd kind of smile and said "Well, no more Sunday morning phone calls!", and went cheerfully on his way. Turned out he had loved Sundays, but the thought of getting through that short weekly call was so onerous it almost ruined his day. Now Sundays were HIS free and clear. And he made great use of them.
Not a lot of compensation for having had a Mom who threatened to commit suicide every day from his pre-teen years, and NEVER DID IT. But, some.................
my niece is keeping me on standby because neither of us know when would be the best time for me to come. If I come out now, being at the hospital for 4 weeks where I’m there all day stimulating my sister and say it’s helps but then I have to leave. Is it best to wait until she is released to come home? We are playing it by ear.
I have decided I refuse to get a hip replacement unless they can numb me from the waist down while using a conscious sedation drug like they use with a colonoscopy. No general.
i
we are waiting for results from MRI and ct scan that a new hospitalist ordered.
this dr feels there is an underlying issue causing the delirium. This will be done on her legs. Keep you posted
I think about this aspect of elder care, as part of considering more overt behavioral issues in gerontology folks. I think physical discomfort (and confusion, of course, and other things... but, yes, PAIN) is a big piece of elders' noncompliance with care in general.
How do we better assess and treat pain in the elderly when they can't speak directly to their discomfort? I don't know, but I want to learn more about any research supporting improved assessments here. I think back to my time as a caregiver, both to GM, who couldn't verbalize her pain, to my dad, who could speak to his but most often it just came out as him being a big jerk and blaming everything except the pain/discomfort. lol Does that make sense? Post-surgery was always the time when he was crankiest and most likely to behave badly.
Looking back, I missed the signs in my GM, because I didn't know what I was looking for. Good on ya for picking up on it, and being an advocate for your mom.
Sharyn, I'm so sorry your sis is still doing so poorly. You already know this forum is so helpful in suggesting things to look into, so after you go there and get a better idea of what's happening, maybe start a Q&A thread about your sister's situation on AC...? I hope things turn for the better soon. (((((hugs)))))
Sympathy out to you. My daughter, now 61, struggled with clinical depression all her life. She used both therapy when needed and medication when needed. It got a whole lot better for her post menopausal, though I would say the "anxiety" component of it all is very much still with her.
Glad you set boundaries. You can do so gently and kindly, actually, even with someone who is borderline abusive, and the perfect words are the ones you just said to US: "I won't abandon you; I know you're lonely. But I am struggling to keep my own boat afloat."
Those words are perfect. Be honest with him. Allow him his own reactions and remember they aren't aimed at YOU, really--they are "him".
And always know--engrave it on your heart--you didn't CAUSE this for him and you can't CURE this for him. You aren't a Saint and it's a bad job description anyway. You get slain and then they pray to you for eternity to "fix stuff".
Hang in there. This is what it is to be human. We hang in there.
Ali it's so wonderful to hear your progress towards completing your masters I wish you all the best.
It bought tears to hear about the breakthroughs during communication with your mother. Such a blessing.
Barb! I will be forever grateful for your wisdom, guidance and advice over the years. Always in my heart. I have tears remembering how you and other special angels and members in this forum helped me through one of the hardest periods in my life.
I am still a work in progress. In a better place for the most part. Still crying still tearful getting better and a tad stronger.
So much to share. I just had to reach out and wish everyone rays of love light peace and happiness especially throughout this holiday season.
"And still I rise".
Keep those words in your ❤️.
Wishing you peace during this difficult time.
Much love to you all.
Hang in there Allusedup.
Yes Barb! Still I rise bought tears again. You will always hold a special ial place in my heart. And that quote mean as much today as it did years ago.
Needhelp thank you I cheered up reading your post.
So much to share of my journey.
Sharyn so sorry to hear about your niece I pray she continues to make progress.
You've been through so much. Remember to care for yourself.
Rays of love and light to us all!
I am having a similar issue over my mother.
She has been in nursing home for almost two years. I have been an emotional wreck since the onset of her dementia.
The thought of losing her was to hard to bare.
Its still there, always will be. Especially during the holidays..
I used to boo hoo during my first visits to nursing home..
I stay in prayer. There are times I unravel. One thing was this forum was my greatest help. Especially when I was advised to watch my negative self talk.
I also find that my focus on hurt and memories from the past can put me in a funk.
I am a work in progress just sharing my experience.
Another thong that helps is smiling embracing and showing kindred love in my daily interactions with others and associates it come back to you and is uplifting.
Also self care. You have to take a break.
Every time I beat myself up because I did not make my visit with my mother because I was physically unable or overwhelmed I would find her just fine and okay.
Take a break for yourself. Also keep posting. A response or a post can make a big difference.
I am wishing you all the best in your struggles.