Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
It will be interesting to see how DH handles it .
If your house is dirty , get up and clean it , don't say "it is what it is"
I've heard people say "I'm over it" I never understood that. A friend of mine was sick of winter, she hates winter. She said , I'm over it, I'm like you might be but I don't think winter is over you.
When you get time fill out the profile and ask or vent away. It's easier for us to understand what your going through if you fill it out.
You never allow anyone to manipulate you into submission to anything for any reason.
How hard did your mother work herself to provide perfection for herself and her family?
I always say, you get what you give in this life. No one can expect from others what they never expected from themselves.
Maybe your mother would benefit from some tough love. It sure sounds like she would.
She doesn't like waiting and gets rude and nasty if her demands are not instantly met?
Too bad. Make her wait even longer and your good time doing something.
Her life traumas aren't your fault. You didn't cause her problems and you don't have to be her solution.
Give her and yourself a choice here.
Either she learns how to be respectful and grateful to you for everything you do for her, or she gets put away in a nursing home and you never look back.
Do not tolerate her verbal abuse and manipulation for one more day. Do not play her games anymore either. From what you say here, she will have to learn the hard way that verbal abuse and manipulation will not give her more control or get her more attention. It will get her ignored and neglected. A little ignoring and neglect will likely be just what she needs to learn this lesson.
Stop catering to her. She lives in your house and you take care of her. So it's going to be on YOUR terms, not hers.
I get it .
Based on the phone call we got today…. Apparently it’s our fault that my MIL has a blood clot in her leg and can’t fly .
Not to mention she also is in stage 4 CLL , she barely walks refuses to use a walker , and is wasting away , skinny .
We told her we are not rescuing her from any travels , especially without POA which she refuses to draw up .
Oh no, way, I just looked up CLL, that's not good! And loosing weight too. Ugh. Lol you caused her blood clot, that's pretty funny and not funny at all , at the same time.
The word of the day is……
ENTITLED .
They both think/thought that if they say somethlng in a sweet but slightly forceful tone they will get their way . And if not , we are squashing their independence .
Newsflash …… I am not the “ independence fairy “.
I have a feeling I will be coming back to this thread to whine .
I've made some huge revelation this weekend. My family and I, are so different. We are not politically the same, religiously the same, even morally different, when it comes accepting people different than them. Worshiping all the men in my family, and being a subservient is definitely not me, or who I'll ever be. But that's there world.
Mom enabled my dad to be a mean jerk, then she raised my brother to be his twin , even looks like my dad.
I left for ten years found who I am, without there influence, and I like me. Now I go back and I'm like a square peg trying to fit into a round hole, and I just don't fit.
No wonder I at times feel like the cheese fell of my cracker.
I gotta go to moms today, but instead I'm thinking saying, I gotta go down the rabbit hole today.
I’m so sorry . I wish you peace .
((((Hugs))))
I have been doing so much mental health work, I feel so good and emotionally healthy and some healing. Cleaning up the fog.
My issue is how the heck do I spend any time with my mom, or anyone in the family actually, when I know they are just a bunch of sad narssasist.
I went to moms today, I had to leave early because If I didn't id say something hurtful, when she was talking about how people should trust family ( family is the last person I can trust)
Honestly I wanted to keep doing this, but I'm starting to wonder if it's possible for me to do.
Any thoughts?
IF you choose to keep going over to Moms’s just try to treat her like a homecare client. Don’t talk about family .
I resorted to that , it helped sometimes .
Also you shouldn’t have to clean the house , tell your brother to hire a house cleaner to come once a week . Why should you do it ? your siblings aren’t cleaning .
I'm actually cleaning a lot lot less. Letting things go and she is surface cleaning. And doing the things she can't , like the bed.
I went out today to bring her some tomatoes that someone gave me, and figured she could use some company. honestly with my mouth now, I don't think my company is very good for her. 🤗
There are plenty of things in the news you could talk to Mom about or you could watch a movie together and just talk about the movie .
Stay clear of family conversations
Then I mentioned that his family shouldnt of been so involved in his business with him.
Mom disagreed, she said family is who should be there because that's who you trust.
Hahahaha , Trust my family, omg they are the last people on earth I trust .
I wasn't planning on staying anyways but I left sooner than I should have , before I said anything.
It's going to take some practice and a bit of time, but I've got to do like you said , take the emotional aspect out of it .
our family dynamics are. You really see your siblings etc. for who they are.
I doubt my family will ever come together as a unit ever. No doubt it will take one of us getting ill for us to try to bond again.
I find I need to emotionally isolate from my family in order to maintain my sense of self. I do love them and pray for them and if they ever needed me I would be there but I can't allow myself to be vulnerable around them.
Hope things are going better with you I saw a post recently that sounded like you were having a hard time?
Yeah, still watching, waiting and wondering how my kitty is
doing. He keeps fighting.
I'll keep fighting for him as long as necessary.
Hasn't visited.. doesn't call.. there was a txt or 2.. but any I send seem to get a reply that could be AI.
What do I *see*?