Follow
Share
Read More
A little side note. We talk about our parents' dementia on the group. Well... this morning I looked at the calendar and saw tomorrow was Labor Day. I went to the family room and let my mother know it was Labor Day. She later came back to my room to ask, "But isn't Labor Day in the fall?"

I thought for a minute. Tomorrow was Mar. 5. But it was written right there on the calendar. I checked again, and there it was "Labour Day"... in Australia.

One doesn't have to have Alz to say the darndest things.
(2)
Report

Jessie, I bet that put a smile on both of your faces! :-) I have also done this with a calendar. I had to do the double-take look! But, you know, really, everyday is a "labor day" for most of us! :-) Take care today! ((((((Hugs)))))))
(0)
Report

Just a brief update. It's been two weeks since my wife's carpal tunnel surgery which leaves four more weeks for complete recovery. She's doing better, but I'm still literally "her right hand" man. She's getting a bit of cabin fever, but neither of us are up to getting out lately. Our so called repaired roof leaked again last week and the folks are going to try to fix it again at their own expense. This is my second week on an increase of B-12 and Folic Acide plus more testosterone since my recent lab work showed me low. However, I'm still having low spells of energy despite sleeping enough. Our youngest son will be home for spring break next week which will free me up to take mom's CPA the paperwork he needs for doing her and my step-dad's taxes. With all of the medical expenses not covered by her long term health insurance plus all of those back taxes from 2004 with penalties to pay, there was not a lot of interest earned from the bank this year. I bet she and my step-dad will not owe any taxes this year. However, he has not even started paying her back for his part of those past due tax years which her money paid for. We went over this last year, but after explaining it to him, he forgets why this must be done and his son who has durable POA refuses to pay on it from his dad's income from his trailer park. He owes my mother $37,000.
(0)
Report

well...i took things a step further and posted something on the family newsletter regarding my wedding yet to be recieved and found out i am having more tough time dealing with everything including dealing with a sister who thinks everything is a contest and i am plain tired of all the bs ...just on my last nerves and still waiting to hear from a friend of mine who i called already..
(0)
Report

Sorry I haven't been here for you all. This time it is my health.

Blessings Jesse, words are not coming to me to express the depth of what I am feeling. From my heart to yours...LOVE.
(0)
Report

ya know the website shutterfly well I posted a journal entry/letter to my sister talking about said item being my wedding dress. I went to the website and she removed it...I am pissed because I think i am handling this maturely but her actions are childish especially concerning me to send her money to send my dress back after all the money we gave her awhile back...i do not believe in compensating for the hell I went thru and it is a simple matter....i wonder if i have to take her to people's court the television show. I mean we even got a letter from the state of indiana asking us about the condemned house they left behind asking us for the taxes on it ..I hate that she feeds off this crap but i did not make her life decisions for her and i should not be abused for it. just a vent bbl later working on my daughter's bday cake she is 7 today...
(1)
Report

Thought I would post a funny (no disrespect to Jesse) just wanted to give you a chuckle.

Fellow passed away and found himself with St. Peter at the pearly gates. He was pretty nervous and St. Peter says " Don't worry. Everyone in Heaven is really nice, and warm, and friendly. Go on over to the orentation center and pick out some housing and I will see you at supper. We usually all get together towards evening." So off he goes and later; he is standing in line to eat when all of a sudden this fellow in a white coat. comes by and starts elbowing and pushing his way to the front of the line. Well he gets really nervous again and sees St. Peter a few paces behind him in line. So he goes to him and says " I thought you said everyone in heaven was warm and nice and friendly; what's up with that guy?" St. Peter chuckles and says " Oh, that's God; sometimes he likes to pretend he's a doctor." PEACE
(1)
Report

How can I deal with people who remember my mother from my childhood but have no idea how abusive she has been and they know that she now has Alzheimer's. To be more specific...I posted on facebook that tomorrow was a mom and daughter day for me and my daughter who lives out of state and I have not seen in 7 months. I am very excited to spend this time with my daughter, however, her trip out here is a vacation for her and her husband as well as a honeymoon that they did not get when they were married 2 years ago. A woman on my friendlist whom I have known since childhood and who also knows people that I have discussed abuse issues with, responded to my post...give your mother a kiss from me, she was always kind to me when we were kids. I know I should not let this bother me, but it does because she, as well as others who never experienced abuse, don't accept it and have no clue what I have gone through as a result of my mother's abuse. I spent 4 years in therapy during my 30's because of my mother. I have two siblings who are alcholics (one is in recovery), another sibling will have nothing to do with any of the family. To give you an idea of my mother...she could never discipline us children...she did not want to be the bad guy so she put it on my father. If he did not discipline us as harshly as my mother felt he should, she would shew out horrible things regarding his manhood and how he was a failure as a husband and father. Because my father was an alcoholic, after days of listening to my mother's poison, he would get drunk and unleach his frustrations and anger on the offending child by beating them. My mother would watch the beatings and say, "You deserve it". When things went too far, she would blame my father and tell us how horrible he was. How can I explain this to someone who saw my mother as the personality she developed for other people?? How can I explain to people who have no clue that my only desire is to see that my mother (in her elderly years maintains her dignity and independence when they have heard otherwise from gossip?
(0)
Report

sharynmarie, wow what an abusive childhood you survived! That was horrible!!!! You mother obviously has some problems to be able to appear so nice to people outside of your family, but be so mean at home. Possibly, the friends that you have told about the abuse have not said anything to that one friend from FB that you mention. Their memory was that of your mother's public mask. Your memory is what you experienced behind closed doors at home. If these people will not believe your history of abuse, then they are rather shallow friends or totally ignorant of things like personality disorders. I guess all you can do is tell them is your experience of my mother when you saw her was not what I saw actually living with her as a child day by day. I just don't understand why some people don't believe folks when they speak of their experiences of childhood abuse. I could go into my own experiences of abuse, but I'm trying to focus on your question. Are people questioning your motives and what is this gossip saying that you want which is not true? I really don't know what else to say and hope some others on this thread will respond. Love, hugs, and prayers as you walk through this mess.
(0)
Report

cmagnum, you are right she probably does remember her public persona. My experience with people has been "everyone has been abused". I don't tell people the details like I did on here simply because those who have not suffered abuse can't get their minds around it unless they work in the area of dealing with abuse, etc. I think I reacted so strongly to the comment my friend made because I was having a mother/daughter day, something I can't do with my mother and I felt guilty for being able to enjoy my time with my daughter. I wish I could have had that with my mom. Enough self pity because I know others hurt and have been hurt much worse at the hands of their families and I thank you for responding. Love, hugs back to you and everyone on here who is dealing or been through abusive situations♥!!
(1)
Report

sharynmarie, enjoy your time with your daughter without guilt for you are not your mom, you didn't make your mom they she is, you can't fix her, nor can you control her. All you can really do is take care of you by choosing a healthy path like you have which included therapy which is great! I can understand grieving over what you do not have with your mom, but try to let go of the guilt for it is not your fault that your mother and you are not close. I've been in therapy several years dealing with my family of origin issues which mainly have had to deal with my mother. One thing that I came to see was that she repeated with me what she had grown up with in her own home. I ended up writing her a letter, read it to my therapist, burning in a trash can and throwing the ashes to the wind as I released it all into God's hands. My wife and I have felt much closer with each other through all of this as I experienced with her dealing with her mom in therapy. I thought that I had already either seen how verbally abusive her mom is or heard past stories about it from my wife's childhood, but no as I've shared things that my wife did not know, she has told me things that I did not know. However, the very depth of my pain and anger only my therapist knows. Have a good day and enjoy your time with your daughter! guilt free!!!
(0)
Report

i totally agree and in my case my mom sat while my dad beat us in a drunken state and only threaten to leave him one time. I have gotten over al that but I cannot accept my sister as my sister. I told her not to contact me and that I am leaving the wedding dress subject me and she call me a selfish brat....when hello...who paid rent and property taxes just to watch her and family waste money like it was in a piss pot. I do not get a chance to talk to my brother or my baby sister...what ticks me off is that family is relative and blood is relative. What happen to the waltons ...what happen to those lil house on the prairie times...what the hell is wrong with ppl these days. I am not the attention getting type of personality...I am trying to survive and yet my own flesh n blood sister thinks its a freaking race or some type of competition. She would go behind my back to talk my husband into giving her POA status which was none of her business. She is misery and I do not associate with misery and dolores claibourne can hang out and dish it out. I have been accused by his family and his doctors etc that i am hurting my husband and when i only ask for one thing from my sister she throws all out of it context and finds a way to make it about her...i do not think she has mature by bunch yet i love how she hides her true personality and I have seen it in action...enough rage venting...i got to see if i can talk hubby into seeing the heart doctor today.
(0)
Report

* meant be lol
(0)
Report

Thank you again cmagnum, your wife is a very lucky woman, God Bless you both. @ Christy, I too am over the abuse but there are times when something gets said that hits me like I explained in the other post. My sister and me are best friends but I miss spending time with her because her health is not good and lives out of town. We talk on the phone and laugh alot together. My family has been torn apart because of the abuse and my dad was a peaceful drunk except that living with my mom and how she would incite him in a rage. If she had not done that, my dad never would have been physically abusive. I have forgiven him and my mom. My husband is my rock, I am so blessed to have such a wonderful husband. Take care and keep the humor flowing!!
(1)
Report

I am reluctant to post here because my sister is very much computer savvy and she might see what I am posting. Anyone else have this problem? All I can tell you is that I have an elderly mother who is depressed, has dementia, is cranky and crabby, and lives in her own home. Sister has taken over and Mom won't listen to me and I have been told by sister to stay out of the helping of Mom. She says she is in charge and I am to back off. Then the following week she says I am not helping enough. And an honest thing is to say is that we are trying to preserve our inheritance. There I said it.
(1)
Report

Your sister sounds very passive/aggressive to me. Who has the durable and medical POA for your mother. How are you trying to preserve your inheritance?
(1)
Report

Sister has the POA. By keeping her out of the NH.
(0)
Report

@ Brandywine, I am not sure what HN stands for so my suggestion to you is to see and elder law attorney. Not the attorney your mother uses. A consultation is free and they will give you the time to state your concerns and advice you. Your sister cannot trace you here on this site so don't worry. If your mother has a Will and has set your sister up as DPOA, the only way the will can be changed is if your mother changes it. If you think your sister can influence your mother to leave everything to her, then I would seek the advice of an attorney. In the mean time, you may want to document everything you do for your mother etc. My sister and I share DPOA and we work together. The problem we have is our mother (Alzheimer's and Schzoid Personality Disorder) make it almost impossible to help her until the Alzheimer's progresses further along. I am so sorry you have to go through this because it seems that when it comes money, it can tear siblings apart. It is so sad that people let their ego get in the way of being a family. I have heard many stories from others where this has been the case and after the parent has passed, siblings are not longer speaking to each other. I will keep you in my thoughts and hope you see an Elder Law Attorney for advice!!
(1)
Report

it might as well be the same for my husband...we move to Az thinking his Family would help for a change and no got the same kind of treatment nearly to what we had living with my sister. It is always about the money not the person who is ill and I cannot afford elder care lawyer but I know his siblings think they deserve something at his passing not gonna happen. I been married to my husband for nearly 11 yrs and have 2 children and Ill be damned if they take away what is given to me. Yeah it gets crazy but blood is all relative nowadays and just recently I ended contact with my sister cuz she was too lazy to send my dress cod after all my family did for her and yes the greenbacks are her god. She goes nuts if she doesnt see a paycheck. Where as I been able to budget on less than 1100 a month that is combine his ssdi and my paycheck from the agency to be his aide. I go through hurdles not to waste money yet money is a trap. Do what ya have to do ...do not let ur sister bully ur mom...no matter the issues all children deserve to have something from their parents.
(0)
Report

Christy, you can see an attorney for one visit only (consultation) with a no fee. In your case, an elder law attorney would not be necessary since your husband is not elderly. I suggest you call around because they will give you very helpful information which will help you in ways you may not be aware of now. My sister and I saw an elder law attorney, spent at least an hour with her if not more. She looked over the DPOA we have from my mother's elder law attorney and explained many things we had not considered. You don't have to have DPOA or a POA to see them. Look into all areas even if you think it will be the same old answers.
(1)
Report

It stands for nursing home. NH
(1)
Report

Hi I am going to jump in here-just got home from 12 days away and noticed I did not get any postings from AC while I was gone-have they changed things a gain -before I went away they were sending many posts in one line and also sending those from each thread-so now I will have to go to each thread and read up what I missed I guess-it seems strange that I did not get any commets.
(0)
Report

Sad News I had to cut ties with my sister because she took the wedding dress issue out of context. She told me I was stuck in my own world and that I get everything I need at beck n call. She took advantage of the situation and now she is trying to be a bully again. She had the nerve to say my husband is a slob and my children are the devil spawn. I am hurt by all this and yet it was a simple matter...so I blocked her on my FB and on my cell phone ...I do not her drama and I do not need to be criticized for the hell I am going through. Her and I have never seen eye to eye and she always I am projected better thou attitude tho I know for a fact she isn't satisfied with her life. I have made peace with our family circumstances and I accept what is happening. I am not crying over money when there is none to be had and I am just done trying to mend a relationship that is never gonna happen so I have to accept the loss like i have of my brother and my half sister which I can't explain that one..I guess its part of the golden child syndrome but I can't tolerate Bs from someone who lies and manipulates everyone to get her way because that is not me . Personally some ppl still need to grow up..
(1)
Report

* need
(0)
Report

Burned: When are you going to get over the wedding dress? You have been talking about that forever. Let it go and let your sister go. What does it take for you to find a new way. I think you are wallowing in this "wedding dress" and "sister" issue. You have enough on your "in your face" issues with your husband and your children. Maybe the facebook stuff and you sister are just a distraction that you go to because things are so difficult at home. Nevertheless, enough is enough. JC, stop with the wedding dress drama.
(3)
Report

burned - personally, I don't mind hearing about the wedding dress, which I know is just one of the issues you have with your sister and in your situation. It is easy for someone to say "Get over it", but until they walk in your shoes...
austin - good to see you back and hope you had a good break - re the notifications, they have a new system and for me it is not working as well. I wonder if a word to the administrators is in order.
brandy - glad you came out with it. I know it is frustrating for you to be told both to "butt out", and also that you are not there enough.
jessie - wondering how you are doing and how mum is. The time after can be hard and needing a lot of adjustment
sharynmarie - sounds like you have been through and resolved a lot. I am glad you and your sister can support one another, considering all you have to deal with. I understand about things that still can trigger the past. When people say how great my narcissistic, emotionally abusive, manipulative mother is, I just say something neutral usually, or once in a while give them a clue.To some people she is great, and that's good for them.
cmag - it seems all the work you have put into therapy is paying off - great!! Hope you get that $37,000.
wondering how ucantcare2much, banshee, margeaux and, of course, izabella (still in my prayers) are - and anyone else I have forgotten.
I have been away as G had business on Vancouver Island for a few days, so we combined it with some sight seeing which we thoroughly enjoyed. It was great to see some flowers in bloom, and green grass, as well as the ocean and mountains. A swim in the pool, walking in parks, and just a break really does help!
Love, hugs and prayers
jo
(2)
Report

I did get over and i told her to keep the damn thing but I lost my grandmother last yr and tied with the verbal criticism that my sister tossed in my direction when I helped with her no complaint and got use in the end. yeah it may be a tired drama but its my dress...just tired of her bs and her taking things out of context. I can't depend on my sister or my husband family for anything so if you do not like the drama then bring up on of your issues ok. I have been going thru hell dealing with my husband's various illness and govt trying to keep things smooth and keep my job as his aide if that ain't enough for you to like then ignore my posts. You do not understand the negative impact of having no real familial support which I should be having. I have no one to watch my husband while i do errands and I take care of bathing besides more and raise 2 young children and if you think ur drama is better than mine go for it. I am dealing with the forget it issue as it stands so again try living in my shoes battling the world and wishing you had someone to actually listen too and not treat blood like cash cows and slave labor then we can talk until then is my rant...so if you do not like my statement of who i am or what I am going thru then ignore my posts...its that simple ...I am on this site for support for many different things.
(2)
Report

Good for you Burnd this is the place to discuss our problems and thank goodness most people are supporting and helpful.
(2)
Report

jo, thanks for wondering how I'm doing...pretty good, thanks!...My MIL is still recovering from her emergency gall bladder surgery...she is doing MUCH better...my SD( w/early onset ALZ) had a "small issue" with his meds...but he's OK......sounds like you had a nice little "vacation!"....You deserved it! ((((((HUG!))))) Take care!
(1)
Report

Izzy, haven't seen you on here in awhile...how are you doing?....how's your mother?...I hope everything is OK......You are both still in my thoughts and prayers :-).......(((((((((Hugs!)))))))))) Liz ;-)
(1)
Report

Start a Discussion
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter