Many of us, myself included, come from a dysfunctional family which adds a lot of weight to the challenges of caregiving. I have read stores on various threads on other topics and decided it would be good to have a thread just for this topic for people to share, vent and discuss.
The idea for this thread originated on the thread named "The Caregiver....How are YOU doing today?"
Thank You! Margeaux
Where are you? I'm just wondering, since I'm well aware of the transitions that occur after someone has passed away I hope that you are taking care of yourself first and foremost of all, then hopefully the care of your mom is a bit calmer for you. Send you love and lots of light. Margeaux
So in the spirit of Spring time, let's try to sew/sow, (not sure which one) both are good, of positive change so that we may grow and invite fresh energies into whatever it is we are doing in our lives. Que bella la Primavera! Margeaux
I hope that everyone has a nice spring weekend!
We found out my moms cousin (who has been more of a sister relationship to her) , Is now in a NH.. She is not handling this well at all.. se calls here crying.. se is in a horrible state of depression.. Infact she asked if she could come stay w/me since I am home and her daughter works.. well I couldnt get "NO" out fast enough!!.. Im sure if I did not have the serious issues with my son I would of probably said yes.. but I have to put him first.and that is not so easy as it is.. When this whole situation came up with moms cousin, Mom took this also very hard.. she sobbed and begged me to never put her in a NH.. she kept repeating how scary it would be to live w/strangers.. I will say "it broke my heart" to see her.. this woman that was always so strong now like my child.. and her whole life in my hands.. Ive tried to put myself in her shoes.. and think how I may feel not knowing what the future holds for me.." will someone get tired of me".. So now I know after seeing her and how it took me so long to just calm her down.. I could never put her in a NH.. I know there are some very nice ones.. (and in no way do I down anyone who chooses NH care for their loved one).. but for my mom she would die.. and I would never forgive myself.. I dont know how Im going to do it.. I really just move through life lately as a robot.. I see my mom some moments of the day somewhat like she use to be.. then other times she cannot remember if and when she last ate.. One day at a time is all I can do.. and for now.. my son has to come first..
I do often wonder.. What God's plan is for making life so difficult this past year.. There must be a reason why everyday he adds yet one more thing to the pile of problems.. I tend to try to analyze every situation.. and I know that is why I feel God has some kind of plan for making life so difficult..
I wish everyone a beautiful, blessed weekend!
Enjoy the rest of the weekend, take a bubble bath and relax because you deserve it!♥
Good for you, that you said no to your mom's cousin. This would have been difficult isn't even the word here. Well, I hope you and yours are doing better.
Margeaux
You are always so supportive of people here.
I was trying to go back and read more about your story, I guess it's way in the beginning of the posts. But I do know we have some family issues in common.
Hope you're well! Hugs, Margeaux
dysfunctional family. He & wife live together, but communication is zilch. They're adult children still live w/them. A few of them have their own kids now, and seem to be bringing them home to my brother's house.
So my sister took it upon herself that she was to go and have a talk w/brothers kid's; since they don't appear to be the concerned nor accomodating types. Up until now, they've been the takers. Well, Ms. Fixit did just that, and discovered that his kids weren't aware about what's going on w/our brother. So the oldest of the sons showed concern and said he'd go to the next appt. w/ him. GREAT! My sister then informs me, that she's going to take the day off from work and go w/them.
I stayed silent on the other end of the line at hearing this! I then, asked her......whether she's asked my brother: a) is your wife going? b) would you like me to go w/you & your son? Assume, assume, assume! Anyway, as I posed these ideas to her, I could tell definitely she didn't like it. I admit, it did take some courage on my part. My relationship w/my sister has been one of dominance, I realize. Many times, yes I admit... to keep the peace, I've said nothing. But this is getting OLD!!!!!!!! Later, low and behold, I find out that wife is going to the next appointment w/her husband. WOW, I was so glad to hear that! All I can say about my sister, is that she's a complete boundary crosser to the umpteenth degree. Now remember, she's living w/mom w/ALZ. My friends who I confide in, all tell me, that she's behaving like a complete nut! I realize she thrives on drama. O.K., enough! But I feel good that I didn't allow myself to be drawn into the continuing dysfunction. I read & reread Emjo's post, "Letting Go." Thanks again, Margeaux
Thanks,
Kathy
If your parents are reasonably sound mentally, then just focus on saving yourself. It's not ideal, but you do have a roof over your head. The more you focus on saving yourself, the more you may get to a point where you can leave their home.
Maybe you can find a group home to move into eventually that will help you get back into the mainstream. Don't give up on yourself. Don't think your life is over and you must continue to live in a dysfunctional family situation. Your parents have made their bones and are comfortable living the way they have always lived. You can't change that.
How long have you been living with them? Maybe you think that if you can hang in there for several years and they have to go into a nursing home, the house will become yours. That's a possibility, but you must measure the pros and cons. You can still take the steps I have mentioned. Take steps to help yourself. Best wishes, Cattails.
God Bless!
Kathy
Willow-- I so understand your feelings towards your dog.. I have more then one! And Ive often said "I like my dogs much better then most people I come across"!! .. I know it is on mind if you were to find a shelter of some sort they may not welcome your dog also.. But I know some of them do.. Please look into ones in your area.. you cannot live like this anymore.. this way of living is beyond stressful.. its horrible for people who are suppose to love you to treat you like this.. I know your health is not very good.. but stress also plays a part on how you are feeling.. how can you feel good on any level living in this Hell? This is just an idea-- But I would privately call your parents primary Dr.. I would tell him the situation.. Especially if there is a danger of your mother falling.. And then I would explain to the Dr that your S-dad is a threat to you and quite possibly other women because of his sick twisted way of treating you.. Bottem Line Willow.. Its time to fight.. for you!!.. Their primary will have to offer you some help.. you were a nurse (as I was) the Dr cannot by law turn his back on the saftey matters you will bring to his attention regarding your parents..
This all may sound really "mean" but really its not.. You cannot sit back and allow your s-dad to treat you this way.. and you cannot leave it up to your mother if and when she wants to involve outside help.. Can you imagine what your life will be if your mother does break a hip?? And since she would refuse a NH that will be up to you to take care of her.. and even if she did go into a NH as you said you cannot be alone w/your s-dad.. You need to let someone know of this entire situation and I would begin with their primary Dr.. He may get things going.. You have to start somewhere.. I dont see this all getting better.. it will get worse if you leave it in their hands.. and if God does reach his hand out and they both get placed somewhere.. you will not have to leave that house right away.. meaning in the meantime you can figure out plan B-- Right now take one day at a time and make that phone call.. Remember you have all of us here praying for you!!