The Caregiver & Dysfunctional Families: How are you doing?

(((((lyn)))) time and distance are the things that help me too. After the emotional abuse you have suffered -yes neglect/ignoring is emotional abuse, I don't know how you can care for your parents. A psychologist, Pauline Boss, recommends that those who have been abused do not do direct caregiving, but arrange for others to do the hands on work, and simply oversee from a distance. This is what I have had to do, Anything else is too stressful. Do I understand it right that they are in their own home and you are a hands on caregiver at times? It is appalling that both your parents and the caregivers treat you that way.
Please do not feel stupid over your reactions -they are honest and due to the abuse you had as a child, and still have not healed from. I don't know if we ever completely heal from that abuse. I know I haven't, and need times apart, especially after a session of more emotional abuse.

What else can you do? It is not necessary for you to be a hands on caregiver, (even not wise), but just to oversee that your parents are getting adequate care. It sounds like they are getting to a point where a facility may be the best alternative - not assisted living, but a nursing home of some type. Your own health is suffering by the present situation, the old hurts are being raised up, and compounded with new hurts. I know that scene well. Please look at some alternatives, so you can get out if this and take time, and distance to heal. Have you been in counselling/therapy to help you with your family issues? I go off and on, and it does help.Dear soul, you need a break from being put diwn continually. Others here have done it - and you can too. You can simply state that you are not able to carry the role you have any more, and other options need to be explored and taken. You could talk to Social Services, and the local Agency on Aging about alternatives and see what suggestions and help you can get. (((((((hugs))))) come back and let us know how you are Joan

Thank you Joan, that helps so much. I have decided I have to find a counselor. I am mostly hands off and overseeing, I'm called in just on holidays. I will be back.

Ok. Just a little funny. MIL started the day very cranky. I heard her complaining about gifts to my husband, and decided I was not going downstairs today. I was going to put my feet up and read. I am not entirely unjustified as I had a total knee replacement three weeks ago. The last two days were exhausting. Later, my husband took his mother to the store. I decided to venture down and do some chores and get a snack. I was in the family room when I heard the garage door go up. Crap! Before I knew what I was doing, I RAN to the stairs. By the time I got upstairs, I was laughing. Partly because I felt like a busted teenager and partly because I was so thrilled. I haven't run in years. Yeah!

MyWitsEnd~Now you know the knee replacement was worth it all, Lol!! I don't blame you for wanting to stay away from cranky people. I went to my mom's ...took over a large plate of leftovers from yesterday's dinner. She is having a bad day, very confused about some bills, her checkbook register is missing again. I had her write a couple checks for bills, she started accusing me of messing up her paper work and blah, blah, blah. So I took the bills and left, dropped them off at the post office. I was there for an hour and no point in staying longer we just would have ended up arguing and it serves no purpose. I am glad you got some down time even if you had to run!! Have a good day!

MyWitsEnd -that's funny!!! nice visual...

Wow! After perusing the internet about the "normal" signs of aging, "why is my elderly mom angry all the time" etc... I land on this topic.

I suppose I could be a good example of trying to be a caregiver that came from a very dysfunctional family. Physical/mental abuse, sexual abuse, lots of anger management and control issues for nearly every member of the family I grew up in.

My mom is now 73 and nearly 2 years ago we moved in together, for the second time after she was divorced from her third husband. (the longest running marriage was to my step dad of 35 years - the physical and emotional abuser of us all)

I have to say I never even thought of narcissism, but that is how mom is these days. Her physical abilities seem to be dwindling, forgetfulness and lack of stamina. But what I notice the most is her "mean-ness". We used to be best friends, had been for nearly all my life, and now I can do absolutely nothing right. She's begun to refer to herself as having OCD (something new to me until more recently) and seems clinically depressed (this would be the 2nd time in as many years). She is absolutely appalled and angered by my "type A" personality even though I've been pretty much the same for the last 50 years. And she won't talk, about things going on now, about things that have happened in the past.... nothing. You try and bring it up and she just gets angry at you all over again. She tells me that my behavior reminds her of living miserably with my step dad for 35 years.

Bottom line is, I can't do this. Not like this. And she is NOT willing to go see a doctor, she won't even let me work to get her car fixed for her - she just gets angry. Today I told her that perhaps it's better if she find a place to live where she can be away from me and try to be happy. Where she can sit in her pj's until 2-3 in the afternoon and be on the computer for 16-28 hours a day without any responsibility to anyone. I just don't know what to do for her... but I feel so strongly that her past (somewhat sordid - though no one on either side of the family will do much other than to place blame on the other) is catching up and she's terrified of anyone finding out. So she pushes away...

It saddens me, and reinforces the feelings I allow her to put on me that I'm a terrible daughter, quite possibly the worst ever, but I can't live like this. I'm already a cancer survivor and the constant walking on eggshells, only to step on a land mine, in my own home is too much.

Welcome NeverKnew! I'm certain you will find a lot of support here.

I have one question. Other than your mother's depression, what other reasons are there for her to live in your house which does not sound healthy at all? I like the idea of her getting her own place to live, but doubt it will make her happy, but it will be a good idea for you.

Your mother sounds like a pro at using emotional blackmail on you.

Know this that you didn't do anything for her to create the idea of your being a bad daughter. You can't control how she is nor can you fix her. All you can really do is place yourself on a healthier path than walking on eggshells by setting some boundaries with concrete consequences.

Love, hugs and prayers for you.

I had a very strange Christmas Day. My husband and me were ready to go out the door, then my husband began to have stomach upset. I had to wait for another hour and a half for him to resolve it. Poor thing as he felt pretty terrible. He encouraged me to go to sister's and moms alone, but I couldn't leave him in this condition. Well he felt better after a while, and we got out the door.
Since we arrived late at my sisters for our Christmas celebration my sister's daughters, one niece's husbands, and their baby had already left to another dinner at her half brother's home.
But my youngest brother, his wife and two grown daughters were at my sister's house, as well as sister's beau, I'd written about a week ago how my sister had called telling me they were on the verge of breaking up. But he showed up.
Anyway, later my other brother and his clan of four grown kids & their babies arrived.
My sister in her usual busy, busy can't stop mode was back and forth in the kitchen warming food, getting drinks etc. At some point, I noticed something was up w/her. This was already towards the end of the gathering.
She and my sister in law have had history of tons of tension. At one time they had words, and didn't speak to one another for the next 15 yrs. They made up. But there's always been this unspoken tension between the two of them. They're both difficult people. My SIL and brother moved away about 60 miles from mom's and the rest of us. SIL is the type of woman who made sure to it she alienated my brother and their two daughters from the family. So this made it difficult for any of us to bond w/them.
Then my sister has her two daughters who have their rather strong personalities.
So before I arrived at sister's Christmas Day, my little great nephew who is only a little over a year, was trying to communicate in his own little way w/one of SIL"s girls. The baby was attempting to give her one of his toys, you know that cute thing babies start doing, when they want to connect w/people. This girl, my niece ignored and wouldn't respond to the baby. Then to make matters worse, my SIL and the other daughter did the same.
So at some point my sister whispered to me that this was the lousiest Christmas she'd experienced. She even started to cry, while she told me this. Of course knowing that this is quite possible for my SIL to do, and totally believed it had been done I was so mad to hear this. SIL likes to do dirty doggy while my brother isn't looking, and we're afraid that she's encouraging her daughters to behave in the same sick manner. But also, my sister's daughters have strong opinions. IMO, sometimes I feel they don't act the best way possible towards their cousins.
Anyway, my sister said, she was infuriated that SIL & daughters had behaved this way w/her grandson. So of course I sympathized about that! But then my sister started to involve her boyfriend in this scenario, stating that he also seems to have issues w/her daughters and that he even behaved coldly towards her grandson.
A big part of me, of course felt very badly that family members would dish this awful attitude towards a baby, because they don't like the grownups. But I also feel that each and everyone of these people involved, in their own way many times exhibit very ingratiating behavior. So they don't have a leg to stand on, in terms of me defending any one of them, including my sis & her daughters. Anyway, the last thing my sister said was something about her boyfriend's participation. She then said, "He's involved in it too, & I hate him." This was so demoralizing for me to hear on Christmas Day!! I asked myself then and there, then why in China get together, if this is the REAL way people feel about one another. I was feeling a mix of being fed up too of hearing at every gather lately where my sis is at the helm of the planning nothing but negativity and perpetual complaints about someone! Yikes!
Anyway, I find it kind of ironic that my husband felt his stomach upset, then we still showed up, and look how it turned out. I don't know, but I'm getting more inclined about thinking of even going to these gatherings in the future. Anyway, I'm glad it's the day after and it's behind me. Margeaux

NeverKnew- you should NOT have to walk on eggshells in your own home. There is a book and workbook suggested by many here called Stop Walking on Eggshells. Get it. It has helped me alot. You have to be realistic about what you can do and what you cannot. I told my husband about my "running" incident today. Honestly, I thought it was funny, but it made him sad. Tomorrow, we are going to look at an assisted living place near us. We have always had a peaceful home, and now we are all walking on eggshells. My husband has tried so hard, and every effort has been met with ugliness. It is not good for anyone, hopefully, tomorrow will be a good step in the right direction. Look into the book, NeverKnew. I will help deal with the present, and might help to understand the past.

Welcome NeverKnew. It certainly is too much!

Your mum may be becoming narcissistic with aging, it may be part of depression, or she may be in early stages of a dementia. You can find warning signs of dementia on the alzheimer's society website, or just google it. Mood changes, anger and irritablity are among them, as well as the other signs you mention.

You might want to document her behaviours and discuss them with your doctor, and if you can get her to her doctor on some pretense, get the documentation to him/her ahead of time.

I certainly see why you do not want to go on like this

You have quite a family history, and are a cancer survivor and need to look after you, as do we all. I wonder if you could get a professional e.g, a social worker into your house to interview your mum, and make at least a preliminary assessment. and discuss options. You really do not know what you are dealing with here, but I agree you need to protect yourself. Is there a senior center in your community, a dementia society, or the agency on aging where you could get some guidance/help? You sound like a resourceful person.

Can your mum still cook, clean, etc, care for herself properly? Maybe she doesn't feel safe to drive any more so she doesn't want her car fixed as an excuse not to drive. In any case, from what you have said, an assisted living environment may be a good place for her, but she really should have a thorough evaluation to find out the cause of these changes.
How very difficult that she won't cooperate. Maybe someone else here will have some more ideas for you.

Good luck - and come back and let us know how you are. ((((((hugs))))) Joan

So nice to read some experiences from others. Feeling very isolated being a caregiver. Thanks for sharing.

Last night I was a bundle of very frazzled, overwrought nerves; in fact: I became eerily calm & told mom, my adult daughter, a couple of nurses in the room that I was so much in favor of my (debilitated) mom controlling her own life that she should "fire" me as dual-POA & executor-- or that I would just "quit". Long story short: me being a long-divorced, middle school teaching woman who lives in a modest house I bought my self 8 years ago; not dating much; and the only offspring of four still living willing to help with a very difficult, widowed mother. It being the holidays and my adult daughter and her significant other in town with visits to MANY friends, his family (2 hours away), and wanting to visit with me; Mom wasn't getting enough response to her usual beck & call; or whining; or screaming-- whichever works (in her mind). Mom had a hissy fit over the hospital trying to tag her DNR according to the advanced directive SHE SIGNED-- alone, with her social worker-- last August.
Now that she has recently signed the dual POA and last will/testament she has said: "A DNR makes me feel that you are trying to get rid of me". I won't (and am sure here I don't have to) go into all the hours and dollars that have been spent in the past 8 years trying to make her comfortable and happy, as well as healthy.
Oh, me...
Last night I dreamed that everyone concerned was yelling at me: criticizing and accusing; and I responded by getting in a packed car & trailer and running away from home-- for good.
May be closer to the truth that I would have previously thought...

8 siblings and I am tired of us pretending that we are a family when we are not. We don't call each other, we don't visit each other and we don't send xmas cards to each other. We are so distance that mom's massive stroke one year ago has not drawn us together. It's been like this for about 20 some years. Mom is in a nursing home, and all four adults with homes that could take mom in will not do so. It breaks my heart because I don't have a home to take my mom in. I can't bear to see her withering away in a nursing home. It breaks my heart. So I am so tired of my family pretending to be a family. Dad died some 35 years ago, he was the backbone of the family mom was not. After dad died mom no longer wanted to be a mother or a grandmother. She started a new life with her boyfriends and we all were cast aside. Mom never had xmas with any of her grandchildren, she never brought gifts for all 18 of them. Now mom is 84 years old and no one really knows her, She is very angry and meanspirited. We don't know what to do any more. We are all burnt out. We have tried to do our best for her but that was never good enough. I am so tired of the verbal abuse coming from my mom's serpent tongue.
I feel for those caregivers who are doing their best for their aging parents, but at times you began to realize that no matter what you do, it isn't good enough. Happy Holidays.

I honestly wish I was no longer part of the sandwich generation. I hate being relied upon with my elderly mother. She lives independently, but has limitations.
I live 35 miles away and it is difficult to juggle my life with her needs. I wish she would move into assited living or hire in home care and stop trying to use me for free care. It gets tiring having to keeps my boundaries up with her. I have talked and talked with her about this and she keeps saying she is going to hire help, but hasn't yet. She can afford to pay help and has someone willing to come in, but so far she just talks the talk while complaining she can't do this or that. I am tired of this emotional manipulation game she is playing. She is not mean and very grateful for the things I do for her, but she needs to also do her part and take responsibility for some of the things she needs help with.

Hi all and welcome to the new people - quick answer here from me as I have a busy day ahead but want to at least respond a little. I will mention that I posted some info on detachingt a few pages back and that may be useful for you. Also google daughtersofnarcissisticmothers and find that site - there is much useful on it,

LifeOnHold it is great being able to share with others, Do come back and tell
us more about your situation, anamaya - sounds like your mum does have some control issues. You cannot make someone else happy - some people delight in being miserable, and jerking others around . Sounds like you need to put yourself first Detach and decide for yourself what you will and will not do and stay away from her when she is mean.

lily - you are right - for some it is never enough, and also they will criticise what you do do. My mother is like that - narcissistic. There is no reason in them - just self centeredness. You need to put yourself first, and stay away from her when she is abusive. Practise detaching.

Debralee - I understand about it being tiring to keep resetting the boundaries. I have found that it is useless to talk to my mother about anything. - especially if it involves the impact on my health of doing things for her, I decide what I will and won't do, and tell her. She doesn' like it, and gets mad, but she gets used to it. She gets mad about things anyway. Since she can affford tro hire help just inform her that you will not be doing thise jobs anymore. You donlt have to justify yourself or explain - Just as of a certain date, to give her time to find someone else, you will no longer be available to her. And after thatr say No. ti her demands. It is a bit scary at first to say NO, but gets easier in time.

No one has to be at anyone alse's beck and call. and no one has to take abuse -verbal, emotional or otherwise. If it is easier to begin with for any of you. limit the days/times when you will be available. And then looks after yourrself -do things for you,m and slowly cut back the days you will help. If you want to provide information about home care that is available in your city.

Hope this helps. Gotta go

((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))) to all. BTDT and don't do it anymore and my stress level is down and my life is better. You can do it too. Come back and post some more -maybe we can help with some specifics. Joan

Hi Everyone,

I admit, I feel as if I fell off the Detachment wagon!
Welcome to all the newcomers to this thread, as I notice there are many new people.
It seems the recurring theme also is rejection! There are many cases of people griping about the gifts they receive, rejection of ideas about how to make life easier for an elderly person who can no longer fend for themselves. In my case it was the rejection unfortunately thwarted upon my great nephew in some of his first attempts to bond w/his aunts, because the aunts bottom line don't care for the baby's mom, and the grandmother, (my sister). How awful if that?
But I'm going to re-read, and meditate a lot about what Emjo posted. I totally need my booster shot! Much Love & Light to all! Margeaux

Sharynmarie,

I'm so happy for you the turkey came out good. I almost bought a turkey, to see whether I was going to cut it up and make some tamales w/it. Now that all the family craziness is behind me, I may do just that, it's my therapy! I didn't know one could cook a frozen turkey at low temperature, I learn something here all the time.
Much Love, Margeaux

Lilyvalley,

I find it very noble of you the fact that despite this very selfish behavior by your mother of just being concerned w/her own life and the boyfriends, you still however find it in your heart to not want her in a nursing home. If she is angry and mean spirited, I mean I don't know your siblings. But it could very well be that they just don't want to deal with someone as such. Also, not everyone can feel this way either, given the fact that it sounds as if your mother ignored everyone.
We had a terrible situation going on in mom's household last year. Aside from my mom having ALZ, she had her older sister w/many health issues. They lived together in our family home. Since our aunt had no children, we by default ended up taking care of her. She wasn't easy either, complete narcissist, and ungrateful.
Truth be told she cause much division between my siblings and myself, or at least she tried. This of course was the most difficult on my sister who is the one who moved in w/mom & our aunt. She died almost exactly a year ago. But at the very end, on account of all the abuse she dished, I often would try suggesting to my sister she look into some other living arrangements for her.
Never the less, it sounds as if you have a very big and forgiving disposition in all of this. Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Anamaya,

Whoah, and welcome! This sounds like a very similar situation we went through w/the narcissistic aunt last year. Any decision made by her, even her own end of life decisions, later she'd unleash her venom about them upon my sister the main caregiver of we siblings. My aunt also had this odd relationship to her money.
She grew up in the Depression era. She and my mom had to find work at a very young age. Actually, they did quite well for people of that era, financially speaking.
So as we were growing up as children, I've 3 other sibs, I noticed that both my mom and aunt seemed to have a "one buys love w/money," attitude, not w/deeds, nor real attention. So in my aunt's case in later years, she thought she was holding her nieces and nephews, (of which I'm one), hostage to her inheritance.
Good for you, that you've told your mom and others about being fired. It's good to put people on notice, that you are not available to be their doormat! I'm all for that!
Welcome to you too, Anamaya! Much Love & Light! Margeaux

Yogibear,
I read some of your posts. I'm really sorry that for you, you are close to your mom, not like others here who have the narcissistic types. Then, that on account of your own disabilities you can't care for her any longer, especially 24/7. Well, my dear one can only do what they can do. But please do not allow your siblings to try these guilt trips on you. You've done what is humanly possible, now it's their turn.
Do look after your self and the high blood pressure. These kinds of situations can influence the HPB. I've a friend who has been stressing out too much also the last year or so, and she was in ER for the same thing. Cinnamon in a hot tea is great to reduce the blood pressure, as well as garlic. O.K., I hope you feel better, and concentrate on you! Much Love, & Light! Margeaux

Margeaux~Sorry your Christmas with your sister was so tense. I think it is a good idea for you to do something like you said such as making a turkey dinner for you and your husband. Do something for the two of you that will have to erase the bad taste of being at your sister's.

I gotta go cause my mom is having a really bad day again, thinks she is going to be put in prison. Gonna see if I can get her into the dr. Talk with all later, have a good day!

Hi Everyone! Welcome to those new posting here or returning posters. I'm a procrastinator. I haven't yet printed Emjo's Detach/Boundary information. I haven't cleared out my bedroom. Since both parents are bedridden and mom needs constant suctioning, I've spent 99% of my time in the livingroom with them. My bedroom is usually - a drop stuff and will get back to it situation. I walked in this morning - OMG - I'm becoming a Hoarder!!! When I said in my head that I will get rid of stuff, the though popped up, "No, I might need it later on." That's a Hoarder's mentality!! I've watched enough of those hoarder reality show. A person can be normal, then one day, under strong stress (death of a loved one, losing a job, etc..), they started clinging to everything ..and now is a hoarder. I will definitely need to start small and start letting go of stuff.

Hi book - I tend that way too, and Gary is much worse. Maybe we need a list of how to get rid of clutter!!! ;)

Spent part if the morning trying to sort out these latest ideas of mother's to move to a peaceful place. Ain't gonna happen. Where ever she goes she brings strife with her. Talked with a nurse who has visited her, and we agree she is best off where she is, possibly with a little extra help - but that has to be someone with psychiatric training who can handle someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (which mother has,) as mother alienates people pretty easily. This nurse has some contacts and will look around. Part of a real problem she has, is that the home care she gets in the ALF are not well supervised, so they rush through things, or are not on time. Possibly, also, they do not want to spend much time with her because she can be quite difficult. I have asked someone else to look into the supervision of the home care staff. Meanwhile I am trying to get ahold of the person who is trying to set up a group home for seniors, and warn them that mother will cause havoc.

Now I have to concentrate on getting supper together for Gary, my son and dil tonight. I already nearly burned some cranberries.

margeaux - not a nice situation over Christmas with your sister. My goodness, they will go to any ends to cause trouble - even dragging a baby into it. I am with Sharyn - make your own Christmas and let them wallow in their own misery, Detach, detach, detach. Do what is good for you and refuse to be dragged into these messes. It is stressful isn't it?

sharyn - hope you get your mother settled down -what next!!!

Gotta go and cook etc Love and hugs to everyone - Joan

Hey Book, Emjo, I'm just the opposite. When I moved 3 years ago, I got rid of everything. I hardly have anything except for important papers and a few odds n ends. My roommate is opposite. Keeps everything. I feel like Oscar and Felix! LOL

What I have found helpful with eliminating "stuff" is to commit to spending some time daily doing just that. You don't have to spend all day on it, just set aside some time, be it 1/2 hour or 1 hour. Anything you have not used in the last 6 months, get rid of it. I am not a hoarder, but I do procrastinate and choose to do things I find more interesting, Lol!!

I went over mom's and she refuses to see the dr. She was accusing me left and right so I did not stay but 5 minutes. She wanted a scapegoat and it wasn't going to be me. She is safe and not a danger to herself so I left.

I went to the pharmacy to get my prescription for Voltaren Gel. This is the greatest anti-inflammatory drug without the side effects of an oral anti-inflammatory. I use it for Plantar Fascitis in my left heel and tendinitis in my right arm. With the tendinitis, I use it twice daily for a few days and don't need again for several months. I was going to go shopping but I forgot to bring the gift cards with me. I came home and maybe tomorrow I will go shopping.

Joan~I read about your friend with cancer. It sure is heartbreaking when this happens to people we have a relationship with for a long time. I agree with you that where you mother is currently staying would be best for her and having someone who is knowledgeable about personality disorders look in on her. My mother is the opposite as she alienates her family and is sooooooooo sugar sweet to non family. She accused me today of writing checks to myself. I told her, YOU wrote a check to me back in October for medication I bought for you when you fell and your toe was infected. Here it is in my purse, I have not cashed it yet and you can have it back if you want. I took it out and showed her the check. She pulled in her horns when she recognized her own writing. I left after that, Lol!!

Enjoy your dinner with your son and dil. Sounds like a yummy dinner so enjoy the time with your son!! Hug to you!!!

Hi yogi - I wish - I am a pack rat from a way back and Gary is worse, so I have to do better -sharyn I wish he would spend some time regularly as things accumulate,.and he doesn't want me touching them. I am a little better as I do go through things once in a while, and toss out the junk - not daily though. Sorry to hear about your mum, sharyn, I know it is not pleasant, I haven't had that kind of accusation but I get others,
had a turkey fiasco - I put a smallish fresh turkey in the little apartment frig in the basement and it did not smell right when I took it out today, so I rushed over to the same store, and got another one which was bigger. My oven is not a fast one.so I cranked the temp up. covered the breast with foil and hope I get it cooked decently in time. I have lowered the temp now, but have no idea when it will be ready. I will just have to keep checking the internal temp. Stove top stuffing will have to do. I thought I had enough brussel sprouts, but I may have to take another trip to the store for those. aaaargh - not well organized today, but I think we will have a good evening anyway
(((((((hugs to all)))))

Sharynmarie and Emjo,

Yes, I totally agree with both of you that I must detach from all of this in house fighting, back biting that is going on between my sister, her daughters vs. sister-in-law, and her daughters. It's plain ugly, and I w/not have any part in it.
Besides, I understand my sister wanting to go out of her way doing these Thanksgivings, Christmases. But she ends up doing most of the cooking herself.
Her two daughters never really pitch in to help. Part of that is also because of my sister's control element. She does this, since I know she's thinking this may be mom's last one and all of that. But the rest of the family....nieces and nephews are all grown up now, and I see they never literally bring anything to the table either! Well, at least my brother's daughter this year did bring some deviled eggs.
That was good of her. But the rest of the gang, they just come and chow down.
So I did talk to my sister the day after, and I think next year w/be quite different.
She too, is stubborn in this effort to get too many people together, especially the sister-in-law, and basically they don't like each other. Heeeelllllloooooo! Then I say, well quit inviting, and do one's own dinners.
Thank you for the suggestion, also. Most times my husband and me are so busy going to other people's invitations, that we've not really established our own customs in our little apartment. Well, I have some tamale husks in the cupboard.
After I also get rid of especially kitchen clutter (old pans) I can't even use anymore, I'm going to make some kind of celebration and invite my friends! Thank you once again, I really appreciate it, you guys are my family!
Much Love, Margeaux

Bookworm,
I had a good laugh reading about your room. I have a couple of drawers like this.
But we too over here, live in a small apartment. I don't have a lot of stuff. But here comes the but.....my husband, Oy vey!!!!!! He has lots of things, and he even brags about how long he's had stuff. But honestly, I've been wanting to buy some new cookware, and haven't partly because I won't have space to put it. So I guess a little at a time is the way to go.

Emjo,
Isn't it funny how your mom has this idea about trying to find a peaceful place to live in. She hasn't figured out, that one has to work on creating one's own peace.
So what are you cooking for dinner? Well I'm sure whatever it is, have a great one with all of your family. Burned cranberries, that's cute and funny.
I've burned raisins and chocolate chips. Much Love, Margeaux