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Sharynmarie,

So your mom is getting in suspicious mode? Yes, my did this recently concerning receipts w/my sister. Does she react at all when you return her check to her, or understand any of this? But I know you have a great upper hand, attitude about it. Good for you! Margeaux
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Thanks for this post, I am new to this forum. I wondered if it is common for step siblings to argue over the care of the parent/step-parent. My step brother is claiming that my father is verbally abusing my step mother. They are both 84 and step mom has Parkinson's. I am the one around them the most and don't see it. My dad is living in fear that my step brother will take my step mom away. He is full of anxiety and it is affecting his health. My step mom is stressed about it, too. It is so sad. I just want peace and tranquility for both of them.
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Margeux~My mother is getting increasingly frustrated because she can't keep track of her bills and she hides things around her house then can't find them. She refuses to accept that she has any part in this therefore in her logic, we are taking things from her. She needs someone to blame it on because she certainly would not hide things in her house, Lol!! She called me late yesterday sweet as pie asking if I would take her grocery shopping. I went over there this morning to take her and she looked at me and said, "What do YOU want?" I said, "You said you wanted to go grocery shopping, I didn't come over to argue so if you want to go, let's go." She threatens to sell her house and move back to PA. She says I have many nieces and nephews back there who will help me, Hahaha, these nieces and nephews don't keep in touch with her and they are all in the 70's or older. I guess she thinks PA is unchanged by the passage of time. I don't think she understands, really. Just too much confusion for her and she can't organize anymore.
Book~I know about about clutter and it accumulates quickly. I need to go through closets to get rid of clothes no longer being used. I did weed out a bunch of old craft supplies in the spring. I have 3 consecutive days off next week and I plan to finish painting.
Joan~I hope your dinner turned out well...a nice visit with your son and dil. You have been very busy with the holidays, good for you!!

I went to target yesterday and bought a little computer desk for the new computer which I haven't set up yet because I want to finish painting first. Then I went to JCP to buy a new pair of slippers and OMG, that store was so hot. It must have been 85 degrees in there. I started sweating just standing in line. Come on move this line faster, menopausal woman is having a melt down here, Lol!!
Gotta go, so everyone have a great day!!
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Welcome art - it seems common for siblings of any kind to argue about the caregiving given by the major caregiver, and other family members argue/criticise too. It is much easier to criticise than to do the caregiving, Can you ask your step brother to document what he is concerned about? It may be his (dysfunctional) way of dealing with the decline of this mother. Has your step brother any authority e.g, POA to take your step mum away. Perhaps it would be a good idea for your dad and step mum to appoint someone they trust as medical and financial POA.if they have not already. I am not familiar with akk the versi9ns of POA in the us but others here are.It is not good for them to live with this kind of anxiety. Are your dad and step mum living in their own home? Perhaps it is time to discuss alternatives with them -e g an ALF which would providee them with professional care and also, presumably alleviate your step bros concerns, as their interactions would be monitored by the staff. This iwould be a very sad situation of your step bro acts on his feelings. If you are tbhe one whi sees them most, i susoect you have the truest picture. Perhaps to back you up, you could talk to the local Agency of Aging or Social Services and ask them to check on your dad and step mum to ensure that all is well, and reassure your step bro. Wishing you all the best - and let us know what happens (((((((hugs))))) Joan
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sharyn - I think you handle your mum very well. My mother throws out ideas about moving he or there to be near a niece or nephew, and I think it is only her attempt to manipulate me. I ignore them but inside I am thinking "If you think that would be best for you, go ahead, Heck, I'll call the movers! It does sound like the dementia is progresing. Mother's short term memory is really slipping. Yesterday, I and this nurse both told her that the nurse does not do caregiving, and this morning mother has written and said she would like the nurse to come and help her in the evening.I guess I just have to keep repeating it.

Glad G and I are not the only pack rats. I do go through clothing regularly and get it to the Thrift shop. And have gotten rid if extra tableware and kitchen stuff.
Margeaux, I had to laugh at your hubby being proud of things he has had for such a long time. He and G would see eye to eye on that.

My dinner went very well - one of the best turkeys ever. Dave, bless his heart did some sorting out of my tablet, and also Gary's work computer. It was a very nice relaxed evening, and G built an awesome fire in the fireplace.I had to go back to the store for brussel sprouts and I think all those trips in the cold tired me -I am wiped today and need to pack for travelling tonight after supper at dds. I like to forget that I m 75. Time to start filling a suitcase - G will be home in a couple of hours. In the middle of this I am making up and sending out invoices for his business, and fielding questions about things of which i know very little lol, but I seem to do OK. It keeps my brain active!. This morning I was washing the front hall floor befoe 8 am because of dirt from the visitors boots. I guess I am doing OK.
Hope everyone is having a good day (((((((hugs)))))) and love Joan
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Art~Welcome to the thread!! I hope you come back to share more, vent and just get support. Yes, it is common for siblings to argue, criticize, and to not do anything to help. I think some of it comes from being resentful of the sibling who was given POA even though they really would not want to be in charge themselves, some of it is their nature. My sister is named 1st on my mother's DPOA and I am 2nd. If my sister had her way, my mother would have had her driver license revoked long before it was necessary. Sis is very nervous and controlling like our mother. She over reacts every time mom does something wrong. She sees our mother as more advanced with Alzheimer's than I do. Earlier this year, my mother started a kitchen fire by heating up Vicks Vapor Rub in a pan. My sister over reacted and wanted to have mom declared incompetent right then and now. The way I looked at was that mom reacted quickly and put the fire out. We can't declare her incompetent, a dr. has to do that. My mother has to fail 2 out 8 activities for daily living (ADL's) to qualify to use her long term care policy for home health care and a NH. My sister is always trying to find ways to fail mom. The ADL's are needing help bathing, dressing, eating, cooking, toileting, incontinence, assistance to walking to the bathroom or needing to be transferred from a wheelchair to bed or to a couch. My sister will try to use the fact that mom uses poise pads as incontinence. I have to talk my sister down on these because using poise pads does not count. Yes mom did burn a cake in the oven last week because she forgot about it, yes it does concern me since she is at what I see at mid-moderate Alzheimer's...stage 4. I am not trying to make myself sound like a hero or anything, it's just you have to know my sister. She only sees things in black and white...there are no grey areas to her thinking and she takes things way too seriously. She went away for the weekend with her..."umm"...man interest. She left a message telling me she decided to go away for the weekend with him and sorry for dumping mom on you, Hahaha!! My sister lives 45 minutes away from me and mom. If something came up, I would handle it like I always do. Take her to ER and wait till they figure out what is wrong before I call and tell her what is going on. I live about 5-7 minutes from my mother. Anyway hang in there because when it comes to taking care of an elderly parent, you have to do what you believe is in their best interest for their care and quality of life. I agree with emjo that you need to get DPOA if you don't already have it. It is possible your step mother will want one of her own children to have DPOA for her. There is a question on this site by someone who posted that their step father's children removed him from his home with his wife stating she wasn't taking care of him and they placed him in a NH telling the staff that his wife could only see him 2x's a week for 1 hour. So check things out and good luck and hugs to you!!
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Joan~I have settled down a lot since I first started posting on this site. You and Maregeaux, and many others have helped me to detach even more than I thought possible. I have learned to take things one day at a time with my mother. Sometimes it's a couple hours at a time. My bakery/deli manage gave me an egg shaped Christmas ornament for Christmas. She said I got you the egg shaped one because it reminds me of you. You (me) appear to go with the flow and nothing bothers you but underneath you are feeling things you don't show, is that right. I laughed and said Yes...that is me. It is more my sister who can get me rattled than my mom. Just like with this man she is with who IMO is not healthy for her...but it is not my problem and I have to keep telling myself that, BTW, I don't think she is healthy for him either, Lol!! My sister can't afford to go away for the weekend and it bothers me that she would do this when she can't pay her share, but that is just me. If I were single, I would want to pay my way because I want say in the relationship and not give all the power to someone else. That's just me. I know...it's not my problem, Lol!! Hugs to all
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Hi Art, Margeaux, Joan, Yogi and others reading here. Just checking to see what’s up.

Sharyn – I agree with you totally. It will have to be little at a time. Last night, I dug up 4 bags of purses looking for the Right Size for today’s outing. I don’t think I can get rid of my purses. I pulled out a purse that I haven’t used in 2 years. But it suited for today’s activity – shopping. … Your mom is going deeper in the “accusing” stage, isn’t she? She’s now including you. When mom started on this stage, it was only the 1 SIL. Then, time went by, she started accusing SIL 2. Time went by, she accuse us kids. After the accusing stage, I believe mom started what I call the “Wandering” stage.

With regards to menopause, I always go around with my trusty small foldable hand fan. The one you see the Japanese use. Mine is paper not the cloth type or the wooden type. I buy several so that when one wears out, I have some to replace immediately. It sure helps a lot when the meno hits. I am standing in line, and that fan is viciously moving as I try to cool off.
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Emjo,

I'm glad that your dinner with Gary and your family went well.
Yes, it's work getting these dinners together. Just having all of the ingredients, going to the store to get them in one part of getting it all together, isn't it!
How wonderful, a fireplace!

Oh!! I could tell you some stories about my husband and he keeping things forever. Really, he takes great pride in some of the things he still uses for over 20 years. I remember when we were first together, and he'd say something of the sort to me. He's kind of in wonderment also at times when some of these things fall apart. One example of this is we have our cell phones, but then he also has the landline. The phone, answering and fax machine are very old. One can barely listen to the messages on the answering machine they sound very muffled and just can't decipher the message at times. I've suggested to him, he needs a new one, but it falls on deaf ears.
Yes, I also was doing some what I call hard cleaning, like doing the kitchen floor.
I'd like to do the living room floor, however this is another aspect of the diff. between the husband and myself. He has certain items in these areas that tantamount to an obstacle course. The clutter! So straight on mopping of the floor would require for me to move several pieces of furniture and throw rugs. Well, I sweep the floor daily, and it's only we two, so keep it pretty clean. I was totally wiped yesterday from having scrubbed the kitchen floor, and I did a light job on our stove top.
O.K., Emjo have a safe journey. Much Love, Margeaux
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My family is dysfunctional!!!!!! My sister started having sex at the age of 11, my brother dealt drugs to us soldiers at age 12, my father was abusive and drunk most of his life. Mom got the bad end of the deal, she had to put up with abuse, mental and physical. I was raped by my father and brother but back then you did not say anything or every one thought you weren't telling the truth. I went to a teacher to talk to him and guess what he put his hands all over me. I dislike my sister and brother to this day. I take care of my 88 year Mom and they keep asking when and how much money they will be getting. I finally told them to ---- off and leave me completely alone. I contacted an attorney and will soon learn what I can do to keep them away from my Mom and myself. Life is a bowl of cherries and I do smile every day because I have a wonderful daughter and husband who understand me and know about my past.
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Sharynmarie,
You have come a long way. I remember some months ago, you were posting when you were worried about your mom and her driver's license and test. You really have worked on detaching yourself from both your sister and mom. It takes some work on our parts, to be constantly on the look out. Well, good for you Sharynmarie, you've been able to sort whatever it is about each of their personalities, and work around that.

I'm distancing myself again from my sister. Honestly, I came home in such a strange mood after that disaster Christmas. I do not get into details about any of this w/my husband. It's difficult to share this kind of stuff w/him, because he's already noticed what a control freak my sister is, but I wouldn't want him to start to dislike her. You know that moment, w/our own siblings that a spouse might never understand, because we are the ones who've known them much longer. Besides,
my sister and husband have an o.k. relationship, and I prefer that it be that way.

Right now I've been somewhat detaching from one of my friends also.
She really started to work my nerves over w/a lot of her attitudes about her health and general well being lately. You know these kind of people who complain, and complain about something but go ahead and do really stupid things that are detrimental to their well being, then they're back at square one, complaining about it. In a nutshell, this is basically my sister also. So I'm trying to end the year on a "No, you can't complain to me right now." I mean, it's different, if it's a legitimate complaint, not just repetition! O.K., Detach, Detach, Detach, my mantra! Much Love, Margeaux
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Welcome Mythree, To an extent ALL families are dysfunctional! Read this whole thread and you will see how many have problems with their families. I,too, come from a family that my bro raped me and my dad molested my sister and he had multiple affairs. My mom endured years of mental abuse from my dad and his going out on her. You are right that it wasn't talked about back then. I hope you have sought counseling for those tragic incidences. Maybe your sis was abused herself. Women who were abused are either promiscuous or withdrawn. The position you are in and have been in has made you a very strong individual. This topic isn't received real well by everyone here because they don't know what to do or say. Especially if they have never experienced it for themselves. However, they will all try to support you for having been strong and being a survivor. I understand about you wanting them to leave you and your mom alone. How does your mom feel about this? You don't mention her illness. Does she have dementia/Alzhiemer's? Have you bro and sis changed to where your mom wants to see them? Are you afriad they will hurt your mom? Please continue to post here and let us know any updates.
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Hi Everybody,
Gee, I was so venting w/my last posts.
I forgot to mention that mom looked very cute on Christmas.
She was wearing a very stylish velour two piece outfit.
It's quite interesting to hear some of us here writing about the stages we observe w/our elders and their ALZ or Dementia. My mom was having a mellow day. But I do notice she is very firm about her dislikes about food. My younger brother who is somewhat of a teaser was trying to get her to bite on a pepper. Honestly, I wish he would not do that, because she gets heartburn. Then his wife, (pt. of the tension causer w/my sister), is such a know it all. When I told my mom, that it could cause her heartburn, my SIL, said to me, "Well, it's a sweet pepper, not a hot one." I told her, well, guess what, these can also cause it. Never the less, mom said in a very matter of fact way, she didn't want to eat it.

My mom went through that period some years ago, where she was shuffling through her junk mail. She also did this a couple of times while I was there, trying to replay her messages on the answering machine. In hindsight, poor thing, I know she was doing this to camouflage the fact about her memory being in decline. Since she was the one who was more mobile than her sister, my aunt depended upon mother for many things. Both of them didn't want to let on to the rest of us how bad off they really were, for fear of losing their independence. This was before my sister and her family had moved in w/them.
O.K., going for some more Joe! Much Love, Margeaux
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Mythree~I am sorry you had to suffering with sexual abuse as a child. It is the ultimate betrayal a family member can do. I do hope you were able to get counseling even if you had to do as an adult. In my family it was physical, mental and emotional abuse. It seems to be a life time of continued work for us, learning to parent ourselves, detaching, boundaries and developing our self esteem. Please come back as we are here for you. Hugs!!
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Book~Lol!! I will have to get a fan before I go back to JCP. When it is cold outside and hot in the store, I would think their employees must be sick a lot. Our temps are cool right now, a high of 51 expected today with a low of 34. I know this is nothing compared to what others are experiencing with below 0 and snow.
Margeaux~Good for you for distancing from your friend for a while. It does get old listening to the same thing. Some people don't know how to have a conversation without complaining, it's the weather or something else trivial.
Well hang in there everyone and enjoy the weekend, we have some sunshine today so it is pretty outside!!
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Welcome Mythree..I agree totally with Yogi. We have both experienced this phenomena on this site. Definitely, counseling is recommended to help you. My subconscious did such an excellent job of protecting me as a child, that I have No Memories of the abuse. Me and my 2 younger sisters have no childhood memories nor do we desire to uncover it. Please, feel free to come and tell us what's happening with your caregiving. I have learned first hand, that when I vent and vent and vent, someone comes on and tells me ways to help me cope or tips on caregiving from their experiences.
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Well. 5 hours drive and 16 emails later I need to vent. I will respond to posts later, but my mind is reeling right now.
We had a nice supper at my dds last night and decided to get a good rest and drive down today. We had a good drive and they gave us a suite at the hotel -it is lovely! Gary went to the mall and I stayed here to unpack. I hooked up to the internet, opened my email and there are 16 messages from mother - each one crazier than the last -well, maybe not quite, but you get the idea. She is mad at me because I am going behind her back and she hasn't been consulted. The truth is she has been pressing me to contact some people, I contacted a couple of them, and now she is accusing me of going behind her back.She refuses to see Gary because he doesn't understand her problems. but she will see me if I come alone, but only if I want to talk about her problems and help solve them -she can't just have a pleasant visit. She asked me if I could do something to guarantee her place gets cleaned the way she wants it, and so on. Honestly everytime I have been there it has been spotless. Guess what, I won't be going to see her. All she wants is an audience to bitch on and on about things I have heard about far too many times anyway. And she probably wants to get mad at me for whatever she can figure out. It is the old damned if you do, and damned if you don't. If I don't call these people she gets mad, and if I do call them I am going behind her back.
I need to breathe deep. I hate these contacts from the crazy side. I do find them upsetting. I am one step closer to withdrawing from POA. She asks for help then fights, and accuses when I try to help. Nothing new there, but I am gettng older, I am tired of it, and I don't need it. My sis is POA backup and she can have it.
Hi the the new people -you can see that dysfunctional fits my family well. Mother does not have dementia, but she does have Borderline Personality Disorder, and it is in full swing right now
Gotta get past this in time to enjoy the dinner theatre...
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Joan, sorry to hear about the "crazy side" strikes back. Like you say, take a deep breath and detach. Let it go and let your sister deal with it. Hope you enjoyed the dinner theatre.
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bookworm, I found that in therapy my subconscious released many of my hidden early memories and my therapist helped me work through them which has helped me deal with unresolved anger in my life.
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Thanks,Cmag. At this time in my life, I have no desire to remember. One day, I will. Thanks for the encouragement. =)
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Joan~So sorry you had to read those crazy emails. All I can say is I know exactly how you feel. Maybe my mother and your mother are somehow related, Lol!! They sound so much alike. I hope you enjoyed the dinner theatre. I would love to go do that sometime. Hugs to you!!
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/well, I stayed away from my mil for a few days after her accusing me of being a bitch and causing trouble (after doing everything for her, and she told me she didn't need my help and could do just fine without me) So I let her see how she could do without me. she didn't take her meds for a week!!!!!!!! she has gotten so accustory with her son- who lives with her- and now me.. whom used to be the only one would could calm her down. We finally got her an appt. with a neurologist and she is refusing to go. Her son is taking off work and we are making her go, although I don't know whether it will turn out baaaad or go well. I am at the point of not wanting to help her feel better as we talk to the dr. I want to let it 'all out' about her wanting to kill me and her son, raising her fists to hit us. Chasing me trying to stab me..... accusing us of taking her money, etc. She kicks him out of her house almost every week and he is ready to leave...but she can't live alone and I told Randy to list everything he does on paper, and all that she needs help with, including what I do for her when I come over 4 to 5 times per week. She needs to see it on paper. My question is 2 fold: how do I get over my frustration and anger at her saying there is nothing wrong with her, and yet acting so erratic emotionally and messing up her meds, pooping her pants (she always has an excuse) blaming her forgetfulness and inability to talk on 'stress' that her son puts her through.....etc. How can I deal with this??? And two: how can I get her to want to go to the doctor instead of refusing to do so? She says she does NOT have dementia or alzheimers, so I (and home health ordered us to have her evaluated) decided to make her an appt. so she can know for herself what she is diagnosed with. But everything makes her mad. Lord help us. It is getting worse.
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kdwildflower, your MIL wants to kill you and her son plus has chased you around with a knife trying to stab you! Why have you not called 911 on this woman who is a danger to others and have her taken to the hospital for a psychological evaluation? Please, for your own protection and her care, call 911 and report her. They will come and take her to the hospital.
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Kdwildflower~There is no point in trying to argue with a person who has dementia. When she becomes delusional what she believes is very real to her. I agree with cmag, you need to call 911 when she becomes violent. It is for her protection and yours!! They will take her to a hospital where she will be evaluated and placed on medication. This is in her best interest that you do this. Do not wait until someone gets hurt. What you are going through is quiet common with dementia so do not feel guilty or that you are going to cause her harm by calling 911.
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Thanks John and sharyn -and others for the hugs
Gary and I really enjoyed the dinner theatre. The music was great -the Buddy Holly Story, and so was the food. The timing of this, plus mother's statement that she would see me, but not Gary and didn't want any advice from him (who said he was going to give any?) really put me off. This was our special weekend during the holidays and her craziness, as far as I am concerned, was designed to spoil it, and, of course, put her front and center. Gary and I are a couple and any attempts of hers to divide us will not work.
sharyn I know you know how it feels -you had a dose this week too. The thing with mother is that she does not have dementia. She played helpless to suck people in.. begged and demanded that I get involved, then accused me of doing things without consulting her when I made a phone call and sent one email -which was only part of what she had asked me to do, and told me was urgent. Then all of a sudden, the helpless little old lady is gone, she is sharp as a whip, directing her little operation, calling on this one and that one and so on, and coming down in me. What a sick game. It has happened before. and I am the only one who can stop it from happening to me again. I really did think she was failing this time, and not able to totally grasp what was going on this time, or I would not have gotten as involved, but from the emails it is clear that she gets what is going on and can handle it. There was no need for my involvement other than to feed her need for attention, and I am not going any further in that direction.
Now I need to look into myself, and figure out why I haven't given up POA before, and why I am having difficulty letting it go. If I had to exercise POA, Gary would assist me in that if I needed it. We discuss various things and help one another which is natural for a couple. She has clearly stated she does not want him involved, which, practically speaking, makes it impossible for me. This may be the logic I use to her, though I know I don't have to give any explanations, at the same time it feels good to me to show her that she has created her own situation. Any feedback is welcome.

We will drive home today, after the complimentary brunch. Gary works the 31st, and needs to tend to the horses on New Years Day, and I am haooy with a quiet New Years Eve.

The lad who wants to do more renovations, but who will first finish what he didn't complete earlier,is coming towards the end of the week, so I have to clear out some of the basement as he will sleep there. I do want him to do some work in the basement to better finish it, and Gary can keep an eye on him, and make sure it all gets done properly. Thanks all ((((((hugs))) Joan
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Hi book - I don't keep purses but i do keep other things - I do wonder without memories how you know about the abuse - have others told you? I also know that those memories get buried
sharyn - your sis is her own worst enemy thank goodness my hot flash days are over - really didn't have many - my thyroid was low so I was cold -think they balanced out lol
margeaux -I love my fireplace - one comfort in our long cold winters - I know all about the difficulty of cleaning around the clutter. It is good to put distance
hi yogi - good to see you posting -
my three -I am so sorry about your childhood abuse. You are a survivor and dealing with your family very well - good for you!
cmag - I do think you have done very well in therapy. On the whole I have found therapy helpful too.
time for brunch and than I will have to diet when i get home Hope evrye has a decent day
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wildflower - I agree with cmag and sharyn - you need to protect yourself. It sounds like some intervention is needed
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Emjo,

What on earth!! Is there any way your mom's computer time could be limited?
HAAH! I know an ALF would probably never do this. I really feel for you. I'm also wondering what your mother was like when she was younger. But I know this behavior, the never being satisfied, pleased, measuring up. We definitely experienced this with our aunt. She I'm sure was border line.

I know how you feel also, when you've written that even your husband doesn't want to be around her. I'm sure you don't want to be around her either.
This was the exact same feeling I had after Christmas when I went and after getting my dosage of too many complaints and knowing about all of the fighting with my sister vs. the SIL!
Good for you also, that you realize this and aren't going to be her audience.
I said this about an ex-friend I had to drop a year ago. This is all she did and I had quite enough. The world doesn't center around any one person.
I'm quite happy for you that you're having a good time w/Gary and your other family members. Have a safe journey home, Much Love, Margeaux
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margeaux -thanks - I can limit myself from reading her emails - that is about all. Mother has been like this all her life -and worse -quite a bit worse at times. It is not that Gary does not want to be around her, though right now I am sure he doesn't, but that she does not want to see him. He has been very willing to help in any way he can. I am not so sure he is now, Mother is telling me what the "good" daughters of other people did for their mothers, yet when I try to help her, even by doing exactly what she asks me to do, she lashes out at me. It is an absolute no win for me. I refuse to visit her in her apartment and be her captive audience, and I am glad you are protecting yourself from that kind of behaviour too. We just have to be with the people we enjoy and let the rest go, (((((((hugs))))) and love to you too Joan
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Joan, I'm not familiar at all with POA. When father became bedridden, my bro-of-next-door (actually, it was SIL), kept pressuring me to get POA. I refused. I kept saying no. I mean, we are 8 kids together. WHY does it have to be ME? I have already put 23 yrs of my life on hold (always wanted to leave this island, live in the mainland, and travel on weekend to different countries). I have gone through so much "hardship" with the parents. I finally put my foot down on POA. I turned it around and asked them why don't THEY get POA. Excuses galore. Oh, I have to be the one because he trusts me (Ha! It's the siblings on the states he trust.) Oh, I'm living with them, the POA will just make it more legit. (Ha!) I know my family. Right now, I am just their caregiver. If I get POA, in their eyes, I now become legally responsible for them. Therefore, the parents are now MY Responsibility. Not Their Problem.

Emjo, as soon as we can figure out how I can walk out on the parents without my conscience condemning me, I can walk out. As it is, I stayed on 23yrs ago due to religious reasons. Those reasons are still valid. I have been visited by our religious higher-up-with-position several times a year for the past 23 yrs. Not Once, did he/wife say it's okay for me to leave. Sigh..

But the main reason I don't want POA? I've put half of my life into caring for mom and then now father. I dont want anymore "burden" of them on me. Just physically being here is more than I can handle. I don't want anymore chains to link me to them.
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