I just wanted to say to all that have recently lost a loved one, or has someone that is very ill, that I know it is hard, but know that it does seem to get better - very slowly - but it does. My mom passed away on November 2nd, and I still cry every day, but some days are a little better. A hug from me to you; hang in there! Allow yourself your pain and grief, it is cathartic.
You were blessed with good mothers and I am so happy for you.
Mine is currently in hosp again....can't tell anymore when she is or isn't crying wolf.....tears me apart, but we press on.
I know that for every time I question whether I did 'enough', I know there were many other times when I did more than others. I am wiser having cared for my mother,and know that her last lesson for me was to teach me how to be a kinder person, to MYSELF! To realize that I have limits and even though she is gone, she will continue to 'teach me'.
I have the 'angel' that was given to us by the funeral home, and it watches over me every day. At first I was unsure if I wanted it to be out, but now it comforts me.
I know the sadness you feel, but I also know that looking back and doubting what we did or 'could have done' won't help you move forward. Allow yourself the comfort of knowing that the 'mistakes' you feel you made will help you be a better person to someone else in the future! That will honour your mothers' life.
We can all learn from our mistakes, without continuing to blame ourselves for what 'could have been'. Be strong, and know that we ALL have made mistakes, that is how we learn.
God Bless you, and help you find comfort in your friends here, who understand what you are going through.
Happy Holidays!