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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Margaret, I am in my 40s. Besides money I put away, my grandmother on my dad's side was a descendent of Willhelm the second so besides jewels, trusts and cash, I will pay for my parents care as well their SO. My mom is a lesbian her SO had stage 4 breast cancer which is now through her body. I pay for all of her treatments as well as the "pre Covid" bucket list. I work with clients and teach at university level, Accounting.
My daily life consists of my son's father living in my house. His POA, POS brother dropping the devil at my home before Covid. I deal with police, the fire department, workers and Medicaid, daily. Oh and since the devil is bat shit crazy and Medicaid has cameras in my home, visual and audio, it is a real treat. Yet my tax dollars pay over $200k a year for her to stay out of a home which she belongs in. I would pay for the crazy lady to be in a home under the condition I never had to see her again, but you know "rights".
So, as for your comment about Cali and I. Just because we are not over 66 does not mean we are not caregivers. So, is this site only for seniors?
As for my comments. Do you know there are posters from Canada, the UK and even AUS here? Not once have have I ever heard any of YOU say "my tax dollars" never once. But Americans, all the time, it makes me laugh. Boomers, have not put enough into the system to cover their own expenses, they will expect us to bail them out. That is what it is. Then, there are the Medicare for all comments and the student loan comments, sometimes. They drive me crazy, its fine, do not do anything for us horrible people because you all paid your taxes. So my personal opinion for Americans is you all created a problem, us horrible disrespectful people do not need to bail you out. I am not a crazy Q supporter either, I voted for Bernie. That should be the first clue I am not Cali or ITRR.
My opinion and mine only. Margaret, if you would like reading material, I am more than happy to provide it. Most here with their Medicaid scams and crap are entitled.
So, you know labeling my comments "odd" is rude. So, besides yourself, Margaret, who do you care for? How old are you? Do you believe AUS rules are the same as the US? Do you believe if you did not save for retirement that your kids should bail you out?
Edit: I am kinda upset Margaret, your little in fighting is with Cali and not me. I do not know Cali's experience but I do know mine and US standards with your vast accounting and payroll knowledge is wrong quite half of the time. I am done with you playing a victim and making others the bad person when all I did was apologize and not agree with you disrespecting another.
Worried, clearly you know that Stacy is close to your age, so you must know that person. I’m not surprised, as it explains similar posts in the past. In OZ, the retirement age is now 66, to be 67 next year. We have compulsory superannuation as a component of wages to provide a post-retirement income and reduce the drain on pensions. The people it’s hard on are manual worker males who simply can’t work that long because they can’t do the heavy lifting - not your average carer on this site.
Most caregives on this site are well over 66. By your own maths, you are now aged 39. I hope that you are preparing for your own retirement. I’me sticking to my questions for Stacy: “Why are you sure that you will never need support for your own old age? Who do you care for? How old are you? Why would you want anyone to “suffer over their entitlement”? And I would request both you and Stacy to complete your profiles with something meaningful.
Margaret Stacy is close to my age. Our generation cannot retire & collect social security until we are 67. For methat is 28 years away. Some Americans who have IRAs or employer funded pensions can comfortably retire before they are eligible for SS. But many Americans work well in to their 60s and 70s because they can’t afford to retire. I don’t know what Australians retire at so maybe you retire at a younger age there? For people in the US who retire now, they can collect full SS at 66. So 50 year olds here will be paying in to the “system” for another 15+years. Some generations received full SS at 62 but the age has been raised.
NGE, that is very true that those who preach it the most often don’t live it.
In a perfect world we would have been raised by loving, doting parents who made sure we were protected, safe, comfortable and most of all, unconditionally loved. And we would have that same comforting support our whole lives. Then we the tables turned, we will gladly bring our elders into our homes and 'raise them up' so to speak.
In a PERFECT world.
I don't see many of those on this site.
In MY life, my mother checked out so many times, she's barely a blip on my radar. She was clinically depressed and would often lock herself in her bedroom for weeks on end. At the age of 10-11, I was making dinner for the whole family and taking a private tray to mother's room. Half the time she'd throw the tray at me and then I had that mess to contend with.
Sexual abuse by OB went 'ignored' for years. 25 years of therapy and I'm STILL having nightmares over it.
Threats of suicide from her every single time one of us kids 'stepped out of line'.
Mother had her 'favorites' and I'm not one. She's 'back charging' me for the cost of my dental braces. There is literally a BILL for $1500 in her trust that she wants me to pay the trust--so essentially to my sibs. (No, it's not legal, It's a posthumous FU).
When I went through cancer and chemo she was absolutely silent. Yet I heard from a friend of hers who lives near me that mother was 'totally distraught' over it. Talk about mixed messages.
Trying to forgive and put all this behind me has proved impossible. I'm just not that good a person. In the next life, I guess.
One of the first things I learned when I first came to AC was the wide array of circumstances caregivers are in, and the sad fact that so many had experienced traumatic relationships with those they cared for. It taught me not to assume anyone had a childhood or an experience in caregiving like my own. But the site has a persistent and often cruel component of posters who don’t seek to support and only give out guilt. I wish we could all respect the fact that we see only a glimpse of others, and truly don’t know what they may be walking through
Stacy0122, in reply to your post, I’m curious rather than offended. The ‘regulars’ on this site are caregivers.Why do you think your tax dollars will be raised to pay for today’s carers? You must anticipate being an earning tax payer for many more years if you resent the thought of yourself paying more tax in 10 or 15 years’ time. Why are you sure that you will never need support for your own old age?
Who do you care for? How old are you? Why would you want anyone to “suffer over their entitlement”?
This is not the only ‘odd’ comment I have read from you. Please complete your profile.
Oh Lord, spare me. Another "helpful" post from someone comparing raising children to caregiving an ill, elderly LO. Not even close to the same thing. A child gains independence as time goes on; an elderly person regresses. Generally speaking, we are much, much younger when raising children; yet much older caregiving for our elderly, ill LO's. An infant/toddler is much easier to move, bathe, clothe, change, feed, etc, just by warrant of their size; the opposite stands true when you are dealing with an elderly, ill LO. An infant/toddler/child is much more flexible and easier to move than an 80 year old bed-bound person. And the list goes on and on. Other than using the term "taking care of" in regards to both, you might as well compare apples to gorillas. And Worried, I have found that generally the louder people "preach" it, the less likely they are to "live" it.
No offense, Margaret but I believe entitlement is the wrong word here. Naive or delusional or unconventional, maybe.
I often wonder about 10 or 15 years in the future when they have burned though their precious tax dollars what will happen. Raise my taxes to cover it or let them suffer. My vote would be let them suffer over their entitlement.
I saw that comment and couldn’t reply because what I have to say isn’t nice. While I get what the Op is trying to say, I find the comment incredibly foul, entitled and judgmental. And it appears they are new to the forum and don’t realize how many different walks of life we have all had, how many of us had great parents and many of us had terrible abusive parents. And that it’s simply her opinion that it is a privilege to take care of an aging parent. She’s entitled to believe that but I wish people wouldn’t throw out those comments as if they are factual because for a lot of people, it is NOT A PRIVILEGE! It is a nightmare, a horror story. A stressful life altering experience. And why is always the people who preach love and peace who are the most judgmental????
The first comment was: When I was a baby I am sure that it wasn't always convenient for my mother to care for my needs. There were nine of us. But she changed my diapers, bathed me, spoon fed me, cared for me when I was sick and a million other things that made me feel like I was a part of her family, I was not alone. Imagine how scary it would have been for me if I didn't have her, if she had paid a baby sitter to care for my needs when I was in need of my mother. Now mother needs someone to do many of the same things for her. It now falls to the children that she loves and cared for to be responsible for her needs. Getting old is a very difficult way of life and being near our loved ones makes each indignity and illness worth the struggle to desire to live another day. She needs to know that her children celebrate the fact that she is their mother and still alive. Taking care of an ailing parent should not be seen, as something we are obligated to do out of guilt or even necessity. Caring for an aging parent is a privilege. It's hard work. It's thanking them for life, for their sacrifices, and their love throughout our lifetime, thanking them from for being our parent and it teaches our own children and others how real love operates. Real love is perpetual, reciprocal, appreciative and it cost some of our time. Real love celebrates the opportunity to interact with the well-being of our loved ones. Real love makes a way, makes the time and cherishes the chance to make memories with a parent realizing that one day memories will be all that we have left. There isn't a choice only an opportunity to sacrifice. But if you don't love your mother and your brother just forget everything that I just said because they are both better off without having someone there who doesn't want to be. With love comes peace, and if there is no peaceful resolution to the dilema there is no love and it would be better to just stay away and allow her to die with her memories of better times.
Reply 1: Your post effectively says that if people don’t do it your way, then they don’t have real love their mother and “it would be better to just stay away and allow her to die”. This is a very nasty comment. I sincerely hope that it’s not what you meant to say, but you need to think carefully about your opinions. Please also think about the purpose of this site, to offer support, not judgement.
Please could you complete your profile, so that we know more about your own actual experience.
Reply 2: You have just messaged me to say “I am just one of those frail disabled moms who was once a caregiver. I speak from the other side of the bed.” That's all. You haven’t completed your profile, so you don’t say how much caregiving you actually did, all you say is about yourself now. You think that “Caring for an aging parent is a privilege,” and that for the people beside your bed “There isn't a choice only an opportunity to sacrifice.”
I repeat that “you need to think carefully about your opinions”, both in your attitude to your carers now, and the judgements you are making on other people.
Yikes, folks! ‘Would the Lord the power give us, to see ourselves as others see us’
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
If someone's profile/messages are that of a disturbed person, don't drag that into the forum.
Let's please try to keep this forum from becoming a reality TV show.
My daily life consists of my son's father living in my house. His POA, POS brother dropping the devil at my home before Covid. I deal with police, the fire department, workers and Medicaid, daily. Oh and since the devil is bat shit crazy and Medicaid has cameras in my home, visual and audio, it is a real treat. Yet my tax dollars pay over $200k a year for her to stay out of a home which she belongs in. I would pay for the crazy lady to be in a home under the condition I never had to see her again, but you know "rights".
So, as for your comment about Cali and I. Just because we are not over 66 does not mean we are not caregivers. So, is this site only for seniors?
As for my comments. Do you know there are posters from Canada, the UK and even AUS here? Not once have have I ever heard any of YOU say "my tax dollars" never once. But Americans, all the time, it makes me laugh. Boomers, have not put enough into the system to cover their own expenses, they will expect us to bail them out. That is what it is. Then, there are the Medicare for all comments and the student loan comments, sometimes. They drive me crazy, its fine, do not do anything for us horrible people because you all paid your taxes. So my personal opinion for Americans is you all created a problem, us horrible disrespectful people do not need to bail you out. I am not a crazy Q supporter either, I voted for Bernie. That should be the first clue I am not Cali or ITRR.
My opinion and mine only. Margaret, if you would like reading material, I am more than happy to provide it. Most here with their Medicaid scams and crap are entitled.
So, you know labeling my comments "odd" is rude. So, besides yourself, Margaret, who do you care for? How old are you? Do you believe AUS rules are the same as the US? Do you believe if you did not save for retirement that your kids should bail you out?
Edit: I am kinda upset Margaret, your little in fighting is with Cali and not me. I do not know Cali's experience but I do know mine and US standards with your vast accounting and payroll knowledge is wrong quite half of the time. I am done with you playing a victim and making others the bad person when all I did was apologize and not agree with you disrespecting another.
Most caregives on this site are well over 66. By your own maths, you are now aged 39. I hope that you are preparing for your own retirement. I’me sticking to my questions for Stacy: “Why are you sure that you will never need support for your own old age? Who do you care for? How old are you? Why would you want anyone to “suffer over their entitlement”? And I would request both you and Stacy to complete your profiles with something meaningful.
NGE, that is very true that those who preach it the most often don’t live it.
In a PERFECT world.
I don't see many of those on this site.
In MY life, my mother checked out so many times, she's barely a blip on my radar. She was clinically depressed and would often lock herself in her bedroom for weeks on end. At the age of 10-11, I was making dinner for the whole family and taking a private tray to mother's room. Half the time she'd throw the tray at me and then I had that mess to contend with.
Sexual abuse by OB went 'ignored' for years. 25 years of therapy and I'm STILL having nightmares over it.
Threats of suicide from her every single time one of us kids 'stepped out of line'.
Mother had her 'favorites' and I'm not one. She's 'back charging' me for the cost of my dental braces. There is literally a BILL for $1500 in her trust that she wants me to pay the trust--so essentially to my sibs. (No, it's not legal, It's a posthumous FU).
When I went through cancer and chemo she was absolutely silent. Yet I heard from a friend of hers who lives near me that mother was 'totally distraught' over it. Talk about mixed messages.
Trying to forgive and put all this behind me has proved impossible. I'm just not that good a person. In the next life, I guess.
____
Dh's life story could be a carbon copy of mine.
____
And our mothers wonder why we never come around.
We sure as heck don't feel entitled.
Who do you care for? How old are you? Why would you want anyone to “suffer over their entitlement”?
This is not the only ‘odd’ comment I have read from you. Please complete your profile.
And Worried, I have found that generally the louder people "preach" it, the less likely they are to "live" it.
I often wonder about 10 or 15 years in the future when they have burned though their precious tax dollars what will happen. Raise my taxes to cover it or let them suffer. My vote would be let them suffer over their entitlement.
As I said, sorry but wrong word.
Reply 1: Your post effectively says that if people don’t do it your way, then they don’t have real love their mother and “it would be better to just stay away and allow her to die”. This is a very nasty comment. I sincerely hope that it’s not what you meant to say, but you need to think carefully about your opinions. Please also think about the purpose of this site, to offer support, not judgement.
Please could you complete your profile, so that we know more about your own actual experience.
Reply 2: You have just messaged me to say “I am just one of those frail disabled moms who was once a caregiver. I speak from the other side of the bed.” That's all. You haven’t completed your profile, so you don’t say how much caregiving you actually did, all you say is about yourself now. You think that “Caring for an aging parent is a privilege,” and that for the people beside your bed “There isn't a choice only an opportunity to sacrifice.”
I repeat that “you need to think carefully about your opinions”, both in your attitude to your carers now, and the judgements you are making on other people.
Yikes, folks! ‘Would the Lord the power give us, to see ourselves as others see us’