A guidebook that helps people navigate the things the NARCISSIST says to others. The common phrases they say, the things said that unsettle others, put others on the defensive, that push others into fear, obligation, and guilt.
Some things said that raise red flags to most people, but turn the unsuspecting into jelly.
Some lies and omissions can be dangerous. Is there a guidebook so that all relationships with a narcissist do not have to go "No Contact?".
Disclaimer:
Just because a person says these things, does not make them a narcissist.
What has been said to you? What are some red-flagged conversations you have had?
I have been in disbelief for quite some time now. Trying to screw my head around what people are saying to me. Well, it just cannot be them, I am thinking. And it is not just my husband.
So, I ask myself: What is wrong with me that I so often share way too much, giving them an open opportunity to critique whatever I do or say or feel? The aspy thing is similar, a total lack of empathy, yes, and conversations that go nowhere.
Then, an aspy can also lie, drink, gaslight, whatever a sociopath might do.
Not just throwing around terms here. Maybe he was misdiagnosed, but aspy doesn't quite cover it for me.
There will be no consoling me for being so stupid.
I know others in your situation.
Many votes for going "No contact", I understand.
They had been to Lawyer (Sister 1 twice and Sister 2 once) and discussed Mom's finances, but not once did either of them or the lawyer ask me to attend. The lawyer studied a printout of Mom's checking and flagged potential abuse and fraud. Finally, Lawyer gave S2 a list of questions to ask and verify the rationale and receipts (which I had it all). S2 told S1 that she was satisfied all was well. S1 actually seemed disappointed. Not one sister apologized for putting me through hell right after Mom died.
Months ago when we were at first all doing great together, Sister 3, who had my successor trusteeship shared my promissory note between me and Mom with Sister 1, who told Sister 2. (I had previously asked S1 and S2 if they wanted their own copy of that document, but they declined.) Then they screamed at me for the financial decision I made -- which I maintain to this day was a good decision and would defend it in front of jury. Ever since that first incident they acted like I'm not even around.
In handling them, I've learned to give them the barest of information. I do not try to engage with them. I do not share any feelings or thoughts with them. They won't listen anyway or will interrupt and contradict me. They make accusations that are bizarre and come out of NOWHERE and I'm stunned into silence.
All I know is I CANNOT wait to leave here at the end of the month and go home. I don't intend to see any sister ever again.
Very firm boundaries are needed.
If I had a child who was a narcissist I would continue a relationship with them, but parents, siblings or other family members, nope. My well being is far more important that being a verbal punching bag to someone who does care at all for me.
2) "I never said that".
3) "That is just your imagination".