All of the members of this forum know I very rarely start a thread, but I am compelled today to do so. I'm putting it under the 'Frauds and Scams' category because it's the closest heading it could fall under.
I'm talking about this site allowing trolls and muliple accounts. I have received some nasty messages by a member who sometimes goes by the name Disola21. This particular account does not accept messages. In her private messages to me, he/she accuses several members of this group of making abusive and hateful statements. He/she has been reported for this abuse by myself and others, yet the admin of this site fails to take the appropriate action and remove his/her account. This person Disola21 is very likely a troll who isn't actually a caregiver to anyone. That in of itself is a type of fraud and scam.
This is a support group that has helped many people in many different countries. It's been a blessing and learning resource. I have benefitted from the members' experiences here many on things. I am grateful to them and will apply much of their wisdom and experience in my new homecare business.
I would ask that this troll who I know by the name of Disola21 be ignored by the people of this site until the admin of it removes them. The members of this group need the support and advice of other caregivers while they carry out their care work every single day. We need the love and support of the members when a loved one passes or if we just need to talk or vent. What we don't need is hate-filled bullies that contribute nothing postive about anything or to anyone. Caregiving for an elderly person is hard work. No one needs the nonsense of some bored or spoiled bully.
Let us think about what we consider a fraud and scam. Trolls and agitators are frauds and scams. I say it all the time, no one has to tolerate abuse. This applies to cyber abuse as well. Let's not put up with this kind of abusive behavior anymore. We're caregivers to people in need. We deserve better, especially from each other.
You told us on all three that you’d refrain, but you just keep coming back at different targets, iSRR being the latest. In my personal opinion I think you’re needling her to the point of invoking religion, which I find offensive.
Personally, I find it disheartening to come onto any thread and scroll through repeated personal attacks that include ageism, against both young and old, and references to disability hindering one's comprehension of cruel words that shouldn't ever have been posted in any support forum in the first place.
Can the attacks just stop, please?
I've worked a lot with families in crises and dealt with familial dysfunction so severe that it interfered with our abilities, as Hospice RNs, to control clients' pain. Truly, we had to up the pump delivery of pain meds because sibs would argue for hours about whether or not to give their LO a prn bolus of pain meds and we had to cover for that dysfunction to negate it's impact on the clients' pain and comfort levels. What I'm reading here gives me pause about how effective anyone can be in a caregiving role when taking the time to target a profile aka stranger, with such intentional, repetitive meanness.
Emotional pain has a way of going sideways, I think we all know that. It's on full display in this thread. Can this cease or is this what posters intend to continue, comment after comment after comment? What is the point? In my experience, misdirected pain helps no one; it may prove a temporary distraction, but solves nothing.
Please, for the sake of the participants in this forum, stop this personal crusade. It is alienating for anyone coming here for the first time or the first few times. It looks like a sh*t show of personal attacks gone awry and has nothing to do with caregiving or support. It's one or two profiles trying to bully another from posting and it is a shame to see.
I've likely invited the wrath of God down on me for what I've said here, but so be it. I have broad shoulders and will not be bullied by anyone, esp not ageist, disability-shaming strangers on some misdirected personal mission to inflict pain in a public forum where such behaviors have no place whatsoever.
Lawdy, don't we all already have enough drama in our lives to not have the need to create more?
Can we please step back and allow ourselves to be guided by our better angels? I can hear them knocking...
When you are asking your Bible group about the forum, be sure and ask them what they think of you damning me because I didn't agree with you. Personally, I have never met anyone that has a true experience with The Lord to ever damn anyone to destruction.
If you are expecting everyone to share your viewpoint, you are naïve. Life isn't like that.
I haven't lied. What you have written is available for you to go back and read. You change your story and then deny previous posts.
You do what you accuse others of doing. You accuse others of being what you are.
I already answered your concerns and then AFTER, you regurgitated your original spiel about how I was enticing a poster into talking about off topic days ago when I just got done explaining why exactly it is. Rather than address that point, you just went back to copy pasting what you said before.
How is this useful?
You are no longer posting about caregiving. Please find a forum that deals with marital problems. Your drama has taken more than enough time away from legitimate caregivers. You have posted 30 something questions in a few months and a great many have not been about caregiving. It was such a relief to many here when you recently disappeared for a few days. Your long string of posts and endless questions reveal that you've done that before after seemingly having meltdowns and making non-sensical posts.
I can't find any reference to posting on discussions.
It is all related. It is all relevant.
You indicated to MilHell your view that her posts were off topic and hence wasting the group’s time, but in fact reading post after post not about direct caregiving but your personal view toward the group is equally if not more diversionary.
This site is designed to post and receive public advice. The tools for pm are far more time consuming to facilitate extensive conversations in private, as opposed to Reddit, Facebook, even Modern versions of the independent software platform that you’re on. From a strict technical standpoint, you might be more comfortable on a site with more developed pm infrastructure, which is almost all of them.
You both told MILHELL to go elsewhere for her support. Are you really surprised that got turned back on you?
Now lilmelba is ranting and speculating about a poster being multiple posters. That is divisive and needs to just stop already.
I have personally given other caregivers this forum to seek support and help. If they got attacked I would feel responsible for them being here and would be protective, as anyone would be.
Time to build a bridge and get over it ladies.
I'm quite new here and dealing with a lot, have yet to do my own post because I've so many issues to sort through, eg: just finished up a G&C action from a toxic sibling who tried to have a corporation appointed and me removed as my Mom's DPOA, medical, etc. I fought back and I'm now that G&C and have a very full plate.
Anyways, I find it not at all helpful to be told to go elsewhere for the support, insight and info that I find on this site.
Can we all pls try to be more tolerant and less judgmental and bossy, cease claiming 'ownership' of this very open public forum?
We all have our bad days and the last thing we need is to come here and be scolded or told to find another support source.
Thank you, everyone.
Peace out.
If they start sending you private messages, put your page on no private messages mode. At least for a while.
When you show they've bothered you they have won. Just my opinion. You can take it or leave it.
Peace xxoo
But what I do know is that I’ve seen a lot of stories here. I also hear about them daily from so at dinner time. Residents, neighbors, family, staff, private caregivers going bat crazy, I’ve heard a lot.
What I endeavor to do at minimum is provide fact based suggestions to concrete problems. Such as pointing out that a no shoes policy impairs a caregiver from doing her job efficiently, and solution would be indoor footwear or cloth booties. Such as that any aide would be uncomfortable telling her boss to move herself and paperwork. Solution would be a portable tray table and couch.
Whether she is or isn’t a troll is irrelevant to the fact that these problems probably are common, and perhaps someone might find that info applicable.
I think Disola21 was/is a Troll. It wasn't that people didn't agree, its that they were trying to show her the other side. She attacked anyone who she felt didn't agree. From the beginning she gave off that she felt she was better than everyone. Then to set up a profile "hunnybear" and praise herself! Won't say what I am thinking. I saw nowhere where she read other posts and tried to help others.
And LilMelba, I don't understand you. You have not asked one question or seeked help. You just respond. I really don't see how you as a newbie felt you could dress down Milhell. She has been posting for a few months. Just because her MIL is gone doesn't mean she doesn't have questions or can't contribute to the forum. There are several of us who have done our caregiving and remain on the forum hoping to help someone with our experiences.
I think I have a few friends on this forum. I do not take offense when they correct or question something I have said. And I pray it isgoes both ways.
I wish, though, when someone asks another to please stop posting to their thread, they do it. I know...its a public forum but we r also friends. Its really hard to make sure you have written something that won't offend. I try really hard to preview my posts before hitting that comment button.
I think we need to let these posts go. Disola's have been shut down. Millhill's, just stop posting. It brings the post up to the top when u do. If anyone thinks a post is from a Troll don't post, don't engage. Report it to Admin.
"rather ignorant and Obnoxious .The caregiver forum is not for insulting People . I Find you to be a very ignorant person ."
why it hasn't been taken down? It's been there for a few weeks now.
FYI I didn't leave a comment nor insult anyone even remotely except to attempt to redirect responders to the first post that had started getting answers. You can find this post and judge for yourself. Even being undeservedly called those names, the admins allow this post to stay up after I reported it both as a duplicate and for it's accusatory/abusive tone. And no apology from the OP for their over-the-top reaction.
If only admin followed their stated rules, and did so consistently. They do sometimes eventually react, but often not fast enough and seemingly without consistency. It just adds to the confusion and disillusionment with this forum.
So, here goes.
I will repeat. I hope that if anyone has questions of any of us that are of a private nature, and that do not involve our mission of helping other caregivers, that they will private message me.
I will answer you with complete respect and, while you may not "like" my answer I will be kind, honest, and I will not attack you. I will treat you with respect. I will not in future gossip about you on Forum, nor will I join in any divisions either "for" or "against" any legitimate Forum member. I will not share things you tell me on private messaging with others, but will hold it as the message system is asking, "private".
For all you know, LM, Stacy could be my mother, my daughter, my sister or my brother, my neighbor, my partner, my boss, my co-worker, my nurse or my congresswoman.
To my mind, our relationships or lack of them should remain our private business, whether on Forum or anywhere else. They should not be fodder for gossip, divisiveness, or division.
I respect your right to privacy. I ask you to respect mine. I bear you no grudge whatsoever.
P.S:
I am a wrinkled up old woman of 80 in blue jeans. I assure you that I do NOT look like Sharon Stone!
AgingCareCM
18 hours ago
Disola21,
I'm sorry that your experience on AgingCare hasn't been a wholly pleasant one. We encourage healthy conversation here, which frequently includes differing opinions, experiences, and points of view. We also try to keep moderator interference to a minimum.
Family caregivers are often under a great deal of stress, so disagreements, criticism, blunt responses, and tough love can be poorly-received on occasion. It happens. Please know that most times these "difficult" answers come from fellow caregivers with a great deal of experience and good intentions. Regardless, reacting with insults, profanity, or name calling is never permitted. The discussion on both your questions has taken an extremely negative turn in recent days and therefore they've been closed to new comments.
You've received some constructive advice from others. As many members have recommended to one another over the years: Use what works for you and ignore the rest.
A friendly reminder to all moving forward: please be respectful. The purpose of this forum is to provide family caregivers a safe space to connect and learn from one another. Disrupting the function of this forum, including the use of multiple accounts, does not support this purpose.
For reference, you can find our full member comment policy here:https://www.agingcare.com/aboutus/member-comment-policy.If you cannot follow these guidelines, then AgingCare is not a good fit for your caregiver support needs.
Thank you all for your ongoing patience and contributions here. You are what makes this community so special. Please feel free to PM this account if you have any questions or concerns.
-AgingCareCM
And here is the link to that entire thread:
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/should-i-call-the-police-in-an-aide-fir-threatening-me-478025.htm?orderby=recent
I tried to answer a PM from another member about how to find the EXCELLENT response from our Admins, in letter form, to Disola, but it is gone since this a.m. and I can only think that she must have responded negatively and is now off of the site, as her posts cannot be accessed by me at least.
That might answer the question about whether or not our posts stay when we go.
I really have no idea.
I hope anyone who is unhappy or divisive will leave.
I hope we will call one another out by private message if we feel the need to. Otherwise it leads to division and gossip.
I hope the admins are on their toes and will be ruthless in moderating all of us.
I hope we will be out there answering our OPs who need us.
I hope I will become a better person, and believe I HAVE because of many of YOU.
I hope if anyone ever has a question of me they will private message me and know I am more than open to answering that, or with politely explaining why I cannot answer.
a) if a user is removed from the forum, do all prior posts they made disappear as well?
b) if the user "tacy022" somehow changed their user name and is going by another/new user name and this automatically replaces their posts that were under the old u.n. "tacy022"?
I looked at at least 10 posts where "Tacy" is referenced and it was like this on all of them. Very weird. "Tacy" disappeared after 2019 as far as I can tell. I'm not picking on Tacy, this poster just came to mind and I just thought the idea that entire answers/replies from someone can disappear is strange.
p.s. there are probably more than 1 poster on this forum whose username includes "Tacy"...
I know you are right, Burnt. She pulls my chain every time. Because she is so disingenuous and clearly here to start fights and cause dissension she tweaks my "cat-and-mouse" settings and I play with her when I should just leave her on the mat.
I am sorry to hear she is out there in the messages world as well, but do report them (for all the good it might do).
I do recognize that you are RIGHT. If we don't respond to these trolls--and they DO ruin any dignity we have--they will disappear down the lines. In your honor I will not respond to Disola (or hunnywhatever as she has for only ONE AKA). Difficult as that will be for me. Because you know how I love to play when the naughties hit me. I acknowledge that this isn't the place for it. You are, as you so often are, right, Burnt. Thanks for this post.
Now back to our regularly schedule programming :)