Here is the original thread where I asked this awhile ago—it’s closed for responses, so I am updating in a new thread.
We did purchase an Acorn stair lift chair. It was much cheaper than expected—$1,700 installed on a straight staircase. The support system is on the stair itself, and the plaster walls were not touched, so no damage at all that will have to be fixed when it’s removed. They came to install within a couple days of making the call to order it—professional and fast. A good experience.
Thank you all for your responses earlier! I read and re-read them as we worked through this difficult year. A nightmare year here as it has been for so many.
Mom has, as I said, mild to moderate dementia. A principle issue with her is non-compliance, made worse now with her forgetfulness. She HATES the chair because it is ugly, and refuses to use it without strong prompting. But as her spinal stenosis progresses, it has been a godsend for the times where she was unable to climb the stairs, but insisted on going up anyway.
A bigger benefit has been for my sister, who has been my mom’s caretaker. Her feet are deformed and she is morbidly obese, and the stairs had become a real problem. This solved it, also allowing her to carry things upstairs. I will head off the question many of you are thinking—why is a disabled sister taking care of mom? My DS is on SSDI, but while working was a nursing home aide. The things she is good at, and comfortable doing, were the “aide things”. The general housekeeping things, like cleaning, laundry, and meals could be farmed out leaving her free to just focus on care. She wanted to try, as her SSDI is not enough to really live on, and we do not think she will qualify yet for a medicaid long term care facility. Also, she promised my dad. But, I am pushing her to contact the Area Council on Aging this week to find her options. Time for mom to begin a move to AL/MC.
My sister has come to the end of her ability to deal with my difficult mom—sarcastic and derisive, and beginning things like confabulation and insisting her parents are still alive, and wanting them to move in to help, since she feels sister is doing a bad job. :( Very hard, and needs to end. DS had promised dad she would “never put mom in a home”, and finally is comfortable that she has done all she can, and feels free to move on. Mom’s refusal to engage and meanness is the deal-breaker more than the health decline. Impossible to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped.
Back to the chair! So—the chair was a good idea in some ways! As posters on the linked thread said, how far do you go with home and lifestyle modifications before it doesn’t make sense? The $1,700 investment was, for us, a good one. The “hating the way it looks” part was a bigger issue than I anticipated. It became a “I hate the chair” fight because of her very poor attitude, always fighting EVERYTHING that might help. In my opinion it could be a great solution for someone who was willing to engage with it. It will be easy to remove, no damage to the house, and bought us time. And again, for us, it has been a GREAT help for my DS.
Mom is ok for now on the main floor; the couch is surprisingly the most comfortable place for her to sleep anyway, with a bathroom right there, closer than to her bedroom. So for getting her upstairs to shower and for nighttime it is a help.
Thank you all for your input!! I am sorry I was not very responsive—I was just learning how to use a forum and then life stuff took me out of the game awhile. I am re-engaging now, reading lots of posts about our next steps. This forum is a great blessing.
Cost has gone up, in minutes, Inflation is worse than I thought! :-O
Most of all I'm glad your mom is comfortable as possible and you have done everything possible to aid this.
I have not been in the situation your sister has, but I can imagine stress it must have caused for her, people that have not lived through it does don't realize the stress, it end up being unhealthy for the caregiver.
I think share responsibility between siblings is good and if one sibling says she had enough after being caregiver and someone else can take over, without any bitter feeling between each other than that's a good thing.
Most caregivers are stressed under the various different circumstances in which we are provide care for our loved ones. Even without dementia, I think many will appreciate the irritating and annoying behaviors as one ages, aging loved ones are adamant of doing things in certain way, even when the way you are suggesting is ten time easier.
Hope to keep reading your posts and or answers on the forum.
As far as making a deathbed 'promise' never to place a loved one in 'a home' goes, we should all keep in mind to NEVER make such promise, but instead, to promise to always TAKE CARE of the loved one instead. Period. Nobody can ever foresee the future, and where a loved one will be on their journey in terms of healthcare needs. What if the elder wound up getting in a car accident and becoming a paraplegic? Would the deathbed promise STILL be to 'never put the loved one in a 'home' ? Of course not. Since nobody has a crystal ball to see into the future, such a promise should never be made OR kept. All we can do, as humans, is the best we can with any given situation. Which is what you and your DS have been doing all along. If managed care is required for mom down the road, so be it.
Wishing you both the best of luck with a difficult situation.
My MIL had one installed and doesn't use it, except to move laundry to the basement. She really just lives on the main floor. Her staircase is so narrow, I think she gets claustrophobic when riding it.
It's used 90% of the time by SIL who goes daily to care for MIL. She has bad knees and says it's a game changer for her.
Glad SOMEBODY gets use of it!