Childish. Me, or her? My mom had a dog for 14 years. Dog died. 2 years pass, she gets a shelter pup. Mom is 72. The pup was a jack russell mix and an absolute maniac. Mom had bloody cuts and scratches all over her arms and legs befire i said, "no more". So she took the dog back to the shelter. Fast forward......i bought my mother a mini dachshund puppy. She won't housetrain it. If we try, we hear "i thought it was MY dog" Won't let us train it at all. My grandkids, being kids want to play with the dog. Mom says to them, "can i have MY dog now?"
When she moved in with my husband and i, we got rid of our dishes, our pots and pans, our furniture ....she started out paying part of the rent, but since we have bought a house, she pays only her own personal bills then blowz the rest of her check on junk food and clothes. She doesn't go anywhere to neex clothes. Most days she doesn't bother getting out of her pajamas. She smokes. So do i, but since she's usually broke 2 weeks after she gets her check, she wants me to buy her cigarettes. She has her own car, but if she wants to go anywhere, she tells me to drive her. My husband is a truck driver, and i like to go with him, but she acts like I'm abandoning her to be with him. She buts in when the grandkids try to talk to me as if I'm too stupid to speak for myself. She makes cracks about me being overweight, which i am, but she's mean about it. I told her once that it hurt my feelings, and she laughed at me. She has taken over my house, that i have waited for thru 30 years of marriage. If she wants to take a nap (and she does 3 times a day at least in the living room) the entire household has to shut down and woe to the person who wakes her up.
I feel petty, I feel childish, and I feel selfish. But d*mmit it's my house. If my husband or i go into the kitchen, she's on our heels wanting to know what we're doing. It's a constant struggle to remember that I'm 49 years old instead of 12. If i turn a light on, she wants to know why. And I pay the d*mned light bill!! Sometimes i want to scream. I want to tell her to get the h*ll out. But she can't afford her own place. My sister's husband said he would leave if mom came to live with them, and both of my brothers simply say" hell no. But thanks for taking care of her for us". My dad is my escape. He lives 2 hours away and tells me to come anytime. But mmost of the time when i make plans to go, she says she's going with me. They've been divorced for 32 years. He does not want her at his house. So sometimes i have to cancel going to dads because of her. I can't make myself intentionally hurt her feelings. And i can't sit her down and talk to her. She doesn't believe it, she won't listen, and she gets hateful. I have found that life is easier if i just let her rule the roost, but i am miserable, and seriously considering taking up drinking. The only thing stopping me is i hate drunks.
I know the difference between a person who drinks and a drunk. I have personal and long term history with both.
I do not expect my parents to be friends. They are civil to each other. Maybe you misunderstand....my dad dies not want her tgere, but she wanrs to go. Which puts me in the middle, just like when i was a kid.
Wow. I was told that this was a good place to vent. I do not feel "supported". Cmagnum seems to be the only person that gets it. But that's ok. My mom zeroes in on just what she wants to use against me, too. I'm used to it.
There must be a way to get her out of your house into some low income housing or something. Where did she live after she and your dad divorced 32 years ago?
Something needs to change and change soon. What ideas does your husband have about all of this? I would imagine he's tired of her presence in ya'lls house and seeing the stress and strain your mother is putting your through.
You are afraid to say no and I'm not going to put up with this abuse in my own house from her because you are afraid to hurt her feelings? Until you can get past not being able to make yourself stand up for yourself and thereby intentionally hurt her feelings, you will not get any freedom from her abuse. She's counting on you being afraid of her instead of anticipating that you just might stand up to her. I realize that if you have never stood up to your mom that the very idea of doing so would flood your heart and mind with fear.Maybe then, you need to see a therapist to find the inner strength to deal with your abusive, narcissistic mother. You can't change your mom, but you don't have to let her suck your life into the pit that she is in. I think I'd let adult protective services know that you have an elderly, out of control mother whom you can no longer take care of and see if there is anything they can do. Good luck!
Why did you get rid of all your belongings when she moved in? Did she help you and hubby out with buying a house? Does she still pay rent?
Why ever do you think people whom have been divorced for 32 years should now all of the sudden be friends and hang out at each other's houses? Too many expectations in my opinion. Why cancel going to dads if your mother is capable of being on her own?
Before things get much worse you should sit down and have a serious talk... with everyone. No fighting, no arguing, no pointing fingers and no saying who does the most. Hey, your sanity is at stake here also.... if you cannot have her live with you and she has nothing of value, start the wheels for Medicaid and get her into an AL facility...