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I just noticed that the last part of the message was copied and pasted from her post 9 days ago. gmfaye evidently considered it very important that we understand how important it is for older people to feel warm. There are many solutions mentioned on AC, such as closing vents and opening windows in our rooms so we can keep the heat going in their rooms. Asking elders to wear warmer clothes often doesn't work well. It is easier to turn up the thermostat -- I understand that. And when incontinence is a problem, extra clothes are a problem.

gmafaye, I'm sorry you read only the bad things and missed the good advice. I would say most of the parents on the group are keeping warm and their caregiver is doing whatever they can to keep cool. We usually find in the words of people what we're looking for. If you look for the positive, you will find it.
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with all due respect to gershun, gmafaye stared this thread for the sole purpose of wagging a finger at other caregivers who don't approach caregiving with the sacrificial attitude gmafaye apparently believes appropriate. It's no surprise that she received a lot of negative feedback. Caregivers deal with enough carp without having to deal with sanctimonious lecturing from our own camp.
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Another thing these forums help with was to slow me that a sense of humor can go a long ways in dealing with things we couldn't understand or couldn't control.

Example, my Dad would complain he needed a hair cut, and I would look at him and say "yep, you have a Dagwood going on there", and that got Dad laughing.   I was lucky, Dad [95] enjoyed humor and was quick on the puns.

Dad's two caregivers also had a sense of humor so they would be joking about things that use to worry me... then that helped loosen the stress a bit :)
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I don't think that's quite fair, Carla. GmaF is dealing with a lot of regret about how things went for her, that's all, and she was speaking generally. She's right to warn others that if they don't watch themselves now they might be sorry later, and she didn't have in mind the sort of family histories where arguably it isn't even reasonable for the children to have to be caregivers for their terrible parents. She's saying "don't do what I did or you'll be sorry," not "I was wonderful and you should all copy me."
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I'm sorry, countrymouse, but the use of pejorative terms like "bellyaching and griping" and unfounded accusations of having for "no compassion for the elderly or parents" along with warnings like "for goodness sakes folks, your kids are watching you" and "you will be the elderly one day" all strike me as extremely judgmental. If you want people to learn from your experience, you share your experience, without assumptions or judgements about others. I think you're being far too charitable here.
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CM, I love ya' but I gotta agree with Carla. Very judgmental and a lot of finger wagging in the original post.
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We don't know much about the OP other than what she has about her brother's death when she joined. She hasn't come back to this thread yet, so she may have had her say, then left. I agree with Carla that she was a bit harsh with the group, since most of us give so much and get back little. Our wells can run dry. I don't know what the OP's relationship was like with her mother in the final days. I read her message again and realized that it doesn't apply to many of us, since we talk on the group about our feelings, but treat our parents well. I think that is totally okay, since this is a caregiver support group.
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She says: "As I get older, rarely a day passes, that I don't whisper, "Mom, I am sorry, I did not understand" for some stupid comment that I made when she was alive. Again, I have been there and done that."

I don't think she's judging anyone more harshly than she's judging herself, and I feel very sorry for her.
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countrymouse, I took note of gmafaye's rue and regret over her treatment of her mother. My point is that she should have stuck to judging herself and not turned her scathing judgment on all the rest of us based solely on the fact that we "gripe and bellyache" here on this board.
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Back to the original question, Yes. I definitely would want to be treated just as my sisters and I treated our mother. We made some mistakes along the way, and I would expect that to happen in any situation. But I have absolutely no regrets about how we treated her. I sure hope my kids were indeed watching!
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If I had a child, I hope they would care about me as much as I cared for my dad and mum. I go back to the phrase about how we are all imperfect caregivers. Its true. I do have guilt and regrets about the last year of my dad's life, but I really tried. I tried to put him first. I tried to do what I thought was going to make him happy. If he said change the light bulb, I changed the light bulb. If wanted coffee from his favorite shop, I got it for him. I did have my moments of impatience and anger. I do regret those deeply. But in the end, for as long as I can remember, I tried to be a helper to my mom and dad my whole life. It wasn't easy, but I tried. I hope if I had kids, they would try too.
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