I've been living with my mom and helping her for 3 years and all the time before that I would go to clean her house, make her bed or doing her lawn which I practically put everything in the yard including the grass.
I'll try not make this to long. Mom is very narcisstic as I've found out these last 3 years. She's always put me down to people and even my own daughters. When my dad passed away she gave one of my daughters a lot of my dad's stuff. After we went through the fires, wind storm(with no power 3 days) and then the ice storm we just had where we were without power for a week. I did everything I could to make her comfortable. It got to be too much when she wouldn't get up and do anything for herself. I knew that if she sat and slept in her chair that she wouldn't be able to get up. So call me what you like but I knew she needed to get up. Heck for 3 years she had PT, OTs in and still got lazier and lazier. Its been this way my whole life. I was in the shower one early evening and as I come out, she's telling me to come out there because she thinks she had an accident. Then tells me she called 911 because I wasn't answering her, so they came and heaven help them, they changed her and everything. I could not believe that. Then when we had the outage, we had to stay in a motel and all she did was lay on the bed. So when we got home and everything was okay, I went out for a little while and called them again because she couldn't get up and she was hungry. So they came and made her a sandwich. During the first power out for 3 days. She had called them 6 times. I was running all over the place to get her oxygen bottles and food.
The next night after she had called them cause she was hungry, me getting hardly any sleep and she's taken on to yelling at me about 3;30 in the morning for nothing much. So that next night I came out and she was trying to get out of her lift chair to her walker and she's moaning and groaning that she can't get up. The chair wasn't high enough for one. So I finally got her to sit on her walker and try to scoot in the bathroom. Never did. But then I looked at her feet and they were humongous so I told her this time she is going to the hospital. So she went for a few days then she calls and says she's going into a transitional rehab. Now 5 days later she says my oldest daughter is coming to take her car and sell it (they have no idea she owes more than it worth) and then they are going to see about cleaning up her place and putting it on the market. So here I'm going to be homeless.
I'm heartbroken. But this will be one time where I will not talk to her again. She's hurt me so much through my life and now this. I would have been totally fair with everything.
Sorry this turned out so long. Any suggestions or advice would be welcomed.
Please talk to a lawyer about YOUR rights to remain in the home. Is your name on the deed? You may have some rights as a tenant since you have been caretaking. A lawyer can help you make decisions to protect yourself. You can sometimes get a free initial consultation.
It is time to step back and let others take on the burden. You can call APS and let them know what is going on. You have gone above and beyond the call of duty for long enough.
By 'others' I don't mean your daughters have to step forward because you step back. Others being non-family help.
You are now moving forward in your life, which is great! But can be both exciting & terrifying. I say this with kindness, have you got a professional ear, a therapist, to support you through this transition?
With only a quick look, I wonder if sorting out who is responsible for what here would help? Not legally, more mentally. Therapists are good with this stuff. Like what is Mom's responsibility & what is yours. How much you are willing to do, or not do. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. Just being a daughter somewhere inbetween may also work?
You need to look out for yourself & your daughter. Like Margaret said, if you have to clean out the house, take mom to a Eldery Lawyer, or whatever it is get paid for it! Make sure you have a Lawyer draw up the paperwork so you can get paid!
I am just so sorry that you have to go through all this and dealing with past pain and the betrayal you feel!
Best of luck!
Does your mom and daughter know that they must be extremely carefully about money matters so that she doesn't disqualify herself from Medicaid help, which she may very well need, and soon? In my state the application "look back" period is 5 years. Your mom should not be doing anything that would appear to Medicaid as "gifting" of money, assets or property. She would do well to invest in a 1-hr consult an elder law attorney/estate planner who knows Medicaid. It will be eye-opening.
Also, has your mom designated a PoA? If not, then legally managing her care once she is no longer able will become a poop show. If she slides into mental incapacity without a PoA then someone will need to become her legal guardian to make decisions for her. If the family can't afford to do this through the courts, then the county WILL do it. At that point the family no longer has a say in your mom's financial and medical affairs.
There is a lot to understand about what can happen during this journey with your mom. I wish you much success in sorting out your part, if any, and peace in your heart.
Find a solution by getting mom situated somewhere else.
Use the time before sale to look for alternative accommodation. Stay on good terms with your daughter, who may need time to find out what a user her grandma is. You already know, but you need all your energy for yourself. Don’t waste your energy on anger about how you have been treated earlier, just make sure it doesn’t keep on happening now. I send sympathy in a nasty spot!
I am so sorry that you have been treated so shabbily by your mom.
You are not obligated to care for you. Neither is your daughter.
Please reconsider asking your daughter to suffer like you have.
I sincerely hope that things will start to improve in your life.
Take care.