I’m in the process of placing my 80 year old Mother, in stage 6, in a facility. I’m an emotional reck. Somewhere in my deep sorrow is a happy me. I was always that happy person dancing around giving everyone a pass so that I could stay positive. My mom was the person that laughed at people and loved to talk about them, I’m guessing to make herself feel better. She’s lived with me for over 15 years throughout which we’ve fought like cats and dogs. Family members always questioned how we could live together with all our disagreements. This is where my mom and I agreed, we love each other. I’m going to miss my mom terribly, but I’ve got to find the happy me again and live. This means I won’t be able to retire until she moves into a facility Medi-Medi will pay for as I’m private paying for her facility. I’m happy to live poor if it means a good night sleep after a stressful year of decline… poopy toilet clean up, saying no to anything I suggest, only eating the foods she eats, rearranging my house to fit her needs, not having friends over, I could go on. I wish I could give her a pill to end her life in her sleep rather than place her in a facility and slowly watch her deteriorate. The U.S. should allow this.
needs to agree to assisted suicide when they are competent. It is important
that these legal papers get put in order when still able. We will arrange to do
this ASAP as my partner is still competent.
Absolutely, we should have assisted suicide. My life partner now has early
dementia and does not want to live when he can no longer
have any quality of life. Fortunately, he is from Holland and they allow
assisted suicide. Having caregivers ruin there health taking care of
close ones with late dementia is a horrible solution. I am already not sleeping
at night, not exercising and totally stressed. Caregivers have a 40% increased
chance of developing Alzheimers. Also cannot stress enough how important
it is to have Long Term Care insurance which would help financially. Perhaps
you should take a vacation with your Mom to a more evolved country. This
would be a much happier ending for all concerned. Do not keep yourself
in this trapped situation. Who will take care of you???? Self preservation
comes first. Take care.
Bunnie88
One should never take either side at face value since at the core your own experience will be uniquely yours. Though if someone is expecting private pay quality (which is still largely subjective, and not always better and in some cases worse) for “free” then best of luck on that one.
Go speak to a certified elder care attorney to get the REAL 411 about what to do before YOU go bankrupt for no good reason.
I think it's safe to say most all of us 'love' our mothers. Love means we make sure they're cared for properly; whether it's in home or in a managed care environment. I loved my mother dearly too, which is WHY I used HER money to have her cared for in Assisted Living and then Memory Care AL for 7 years. Had she moved in with me, we too would have fought like cats & dogs and to me, that's not an ideal life for either one of us. Instead, she lived in peace & harmony in managed care where there was no fighting, and where she received quality care by devoted caregivers. You may want to review your definition of 'love' and think about what's best for BOTH of you now. Managed care is not the house of horrors many think it is, either, just FYI.
Good luck!
They won't to someone who already is judged incompetent though. The window to do this is when one is still competent.
Only the patient can decide when it is time, and the patient must first go through psychological testing to be certain that the person understands what he is asking and that this is what the person wants.
Dignitas, which is the one often used (about 10,000.00 for the entire process) demands that you have thorough paperwork and interviewing, that this is your wish. The one difference between there and here is that you don't need the "6 months and you will be dead" rule nor do you need to have a diagnosis of a life-taking disease. You can merely be OLD and request this. Or you can be facing down a diagnosis of dementia and ask for this. But you cannot HAVE dementia to the extent you are no longer mentally competent.
I agree with you that I wish we had a "Dignitas" here. As an old retired RN I very MUCH wish it were here.
You should not be paying for your elder's care. What will happen when that money you are spending is not there for your own age? Who will pay?
Just listening to how many veterinarians take their own lives on an NPR program the other day; animal care is so difficult and so heartbreaking. But the thing they feel most enables them is the readily available medications to do it. One in six vets, they say, will eventually relieve themselves of their own lives with their own medications. This indicates there may well be many out there who would be willing now to exit this life.
I think that law will loosen in our own country when in future, given our current birth rate, we have many more seniors "living too long" who have no one to care for them and the "system" cannot sustain the cost of ongoing care that doesn't help, but merely keeps alive the living husk of a being who is suffering and ready to go. But that would be my dystopian guess only.
I don't think it's legal anywhere to bump your mother off in her sleep, not even in Zurich.