I answered a NINETY year old man's question and was crucified. What I'm NOT hearing here, is: What if it were YOU facing a nursing home? Put yourself in your spouse's shoes or your mother's shoes. Your spouse who helped you pay the bills for 20 plus years. Your mother who raised you and cared for you and loved you and your children. No one wants to put the shoe on the other foot. Whatever happened to," Do unto others as you would have them do unto you?" I don't care what ANYone on this website says. I will NEVER put my husband in a nursing home because I know he would NEVER put me in one. My family and siblings took care of our parents AT HOME until the day they died at 88 and 92. I hate how selfish people in this world have become. I am not judging anyone who does put their loved ones in a nursing home. All I am saying is, I will never do it.
When you are calmer we could have a proper conversation.
No-one can be 100% sure of what they will/won't do.
You bring up an important point. Socialization is extremely important. I’m glad that your father is happy in his assisted living. It’s so nice that he has a pool to swim in. Many assisted living facilities are like resorts.
And now my father has every whim taken care of! They take him to the exercise room every day. He goes swimming some days. He wants to meet up with his new friends? He just walks to the lounge room or court yard by himself. It's like a resort. The best thing? There is always someone there 24/7 who is caring and competent. No worries if he falls or needs anything.
As much as I was sick over him going in I would be a lot sicker now if he left to live alone again!
I have also put in writing that my kids should find a care solution for me if I ever need it. I will never put them in that situation, having to decide if they should care for their own kids or parent, have financial security or care for someone who needs help beyond what they can provide.
If anyone ever questions/judges me, I realize that they are either lucky they aren't in my position or just ignorant. I hope you are one of the lucky ones.
No matter how much we love or care about a person, it is hard work! Also, after years of being a full time caregiver the relationship changes and not for the better.
You need help! No one can take on this kind of responsibility and do it all alone without suffering.
Your husband deserves the best care. Someone who has admitted to being suicidal should not be his caregiver. Please call 988 if you are feeling suicidal.
You can hire additional help or place him in a facility so he can be cared for by professionals that are capable and willing to assist him. Then you can concentrate on your work instead of being miserable.
He can’t help his situation. You can’t help feeling resentful, so what are you going to do about it? Complain or take action? It’s entirely up to you.
By the way, did you read my response to your comment about being crucified? No one is crucifying you. No one is looking for an argument.
We are able to see the writing on the wall. You are going to burn out if you continue to try and care for your husband all by yourself.
You’re a selfish piece of garbage and I hope you die a long and painful death in the worst nursing the world has to offer.
You deserve every bit the of suffering you are experiencing.
I think most who are married a long time have some regard for their marriage vows. However, promising to care for someone in sickness and in health doesn't necessarily mean doing that hands-on work on your own. CARING should mean ensuring the best care, not just your care.
Placing a loved one in a nursing home is a difficult and painful decision, and you seem to think that that would entail throwing away the proverbial key, too. I disagree, and believe that it frees up the remaining spouse to devote their energy to just love on their family member. That's more helpful than anything in my opinion, but everyone is different.
Have some compassion.
Haha... talk about oxymoron, or is it hypocrisy, or contradiction.
In any case, you are judging. It's not wrong to judge, but you need to put yourself in others' shoes before you judge.