I imagine it's one of those common things no one ever likes to admit, right? Mom is in a rehab center right now. I honestly thought it'd go way differently than it has. I imagined her making friends, chatting with people, maybe doing this or that. But instead it's been dreary (and it's no fault of the place or the staff either). Like today, I brought her some brand new clothes and her favorite candy and she barely acknowledged me with more than a mutter. It was so discouraging.
I don't mean to say I'm not going to visit anymore or that I blame her, I owe her everything and I'll keep fighting the good fight for her even after she's gone. But right now it just feel like a chore. Every day it's doctors and nurses and aides and social workers and talk about hospital beds and her latest antics, it's mentally crushing me. In fact I'm thinking about not even bothering to go tomorrow but I know I'll cave from the guilt and the concern like I always do. But it really is ruinous and I never thought it'd get as depressing as it has. Sigh.
Like I said, I'm not pressing on the grandchildren although I would ideally like to see them put a little more into it and take a more active role. Things like bringing her fresh laundry, occasional snacks, that sort of thing, as it could save me a trip or two here and there. I've been gently trying to let them know that she probably doesn't have a lot of time left but they're not really grasping it yet. Their own personal lives are kind of a mess, which doesn't help.
But, it is easier to visit someone that at least makes a visitor feel welcome. Is your mother on an antidepressant?
You will need to grieve also, and if allowing yourself a little time off is what you need then don't feel guilty, she is being cared for.
My parents are helicopter parents, even though I am pushing 70. Even with a simple cold my parents get all panicky. So, give Mom a heads up on your plans :)
Give yourself a day off to recharge. Sunday could be a GOOD day to visit, as there probably is no therapy. You could just chat. Visits don't have to e all day; my mother is tired after an hour. Since it takes two hours to get there each wsy, I get a pedicure, or do grocery shopping or browse at Goodwill. Find small ways to treat yourself well. I've also rediscovered Books on CD from the library for the long drive.
1. As Babalou suggests, stay away for a day or so.
2. You BOTH need down time; give her a chance to rest up without having to have a visit, and give yourself a chance to recharge your own batteries.
3. Think why you're doing this, how you'd feel if the situation were reversed or if you were her age and your son was dedicated enough to visit you so regularly. Or how would you feel if he just came occasionally, inferring disinterest?
4. Remember that you're her link to the life she had before entering the facility. That's an important link.
5. You still have a long life; she's in her twilight years. If you burn out from too many visits, or don't visit often, how will you feel when she's gone? Will you regret not spending the time with her?
I apologize for being blunt, but sometimes these frank assessments can bring me back from asking the same kind of question you're asking.
Before all that started she was always such a pleasant, cooperative person. But if you look at it from your loved ones point-of-view you can almost understand why they are this way. Suddenly through no fault of their own they are not in control of their own life anymore. Imagine how scary that is.
When my Mom acted out and pouted and did not "get with the program" so to speak it was very hard not to treat her like a two year old cause that was how she was acting. But if you imagine losing your mental abilities and then being placed somewhere against your will pretty much you can understand why they act that way.
My advice to you is keep visiting her and do your best to put on a happy front for her. I know its hard but think of all the hard things she did for you in your life. You will not regret it trust me.
My Mom is gone now and I am so glad I kept visiting her and so on. My siblings did not and they have to live with their guilt now. I don't.
It's wearing, yes. And you need to take care of yourself so that there is something leftover for this journey. Go to the movies tomorrow. This is not a sprint, it's a marathon.