My elderly relative has not been diagnosed with dementia but clearly has it. Sundowning is very prominent. We have good days & bad days, as far as cognitive function. There is a subtle downward trajectory for sure, but we still have many lucid times & meaningful conversations. My question is how do you differentiate between a person's actual challenges, and learned helplessness? Examples:
* rarely initiates eating and does zero food prep (will not make a sandwich, or toast, doesn't serve a portion from a larger dish of something, rarely will heat up a plate left in the fridge) but eats when it is served.
* doesn't put clean laundry away...just takes from the pile which inevitably ends up strewn around/tipped over.
* doesn't carry dishes to the kitchen or put things in the dishwasher
* doesn't cover food appropriately
* misplaces mail or doesn't open at all
* stops and starts tasks without finishing them, often
I'm curious if it sounds like this person has become overly dependent on their caregiver, or if they are suffering from age-related decline and just need additional support.
Mom rarely has her oxygen on when I visit. She has COPD and congestive heart failure. She needs the oxygen to stay alive. When I remind her to put her oxygen on, she acts like she has no idea what it is for, or even how to put it on. "What do I do with it?" she asks. It needs to go in your nose mom. She does have dementia and it makes it even more challenging.
Conversations with my mom are difficult as she doesn't hear, or even try to. I write almost everything down, but by the time I answer a question, she forgets what I was responding to.
Even though I feel a lot of what mom does is "acting," she truly has dementia and really can't cope with reality. I am guessing it only gets worse.
.I hear your unspoken question "are they making my life/work caretaking harder on purpose..&/or don't appreciate what I do"
The answer is no & no. Its not personal...Their behavior would be the same no matter who was there
Having a disease label don't change anything for the better
Then they are given medications . The side effects for meds given for dementia are an increase in the intensity of the symptoms they are supposed to alleviate.
People are who they are...as they get older their negative patterns take a more dominant role
You might consider treating this person the way you like to be treated
"Be the change you want to see"
Mahatma Ghandi