I'm my mums only carer but had to put her into a care home home today I'm feeling very guilty and depressed , I tried to keep her at home but it has got to much for me. She has been bed wetting will not keep her pads on , wants to stay in bed all the time and her personal hygiene was not good. Iv felt run ragged changing wet beds changing wet clothes and putting my mum into the shower really not a nice thing for a son to do, but you can't leave her in a wet. Bed and clothes, I hope the care home works out for my mum .
That mixture of relief that the caregiving and the suffering and anxiety are over - along with the grief - makes most people feel guilty. But it is pretty normal, and to have a feeling that you were there when it mattered and that you fulfilled your loved ones needs or saw to them all appropriately is a gift in itself. You come to realize that there was no way that they could have lived forever, and that the natural order of things is for you to be the one to go on. Bittersweet...that's the word for it. Grief does not go away exactly, but changes with you as you grow, and if you follow it honestly and learn form it, you will definitely grow.
Do something cool and special to honor her memory - it may help you a great deal too. I do this (posting here) and joined the Personal Genome Project in hopes of giving something back; mom my was a nurse and was in the Nurses' Health Study which benefited me (sadly, not her!) So I gave some gifts to them and publicized them on Facebook a little too.
Sometimes guilt is just being tender hearted and there is nothing wrong with that except when it interferes with your life.
I felt guilty the whole time my Mom was in the nursing home even though I knew she was getting better care than I could provide her with.
Now that she is gone I feel guilty that I am not grieving enough. When does it stop? I don't think it ever does if you are this type of person. But the people who never feel any guilt or usually pretty self-centered. Count your self lucky you are not one of them.
You are a good son to have done what you have done for so long. Now it is time to reflect on gratitude. We can be grateful that:
your mom had you to take care of her so long,
that you had so much time together,
that she wil get the care she needs,
that you can visit as often and long as you wish,
that she will be safe an get her meds,
that you can begin to have a life for yourself.
Capital G no longer stands for guilt--it stands for gratitude.
Big hug!!!!!!!
awkward for reasons of modesty. I know that when my mom gets to the point where she needs constant assistance for these things we will both be more at ease if she has home care or assited living.