My mom is a resident in AL memory care. I lost my dad, who was in a SNF, back in May. Right before my dad passed, my mom stopped eating and remained in the bed for 4 days straight. The memory care DON recommended we put her on hospice. When my dad passed away, the facility recommended we not tell my mom, thinking she would give up all hope. We followed their advice.
Fast forward to 3 months later. My mom is getting up some now, eating some, etc. The past 2 times I have visited her, she has asked about my dad for the first time in many months. Previously she didn’t even remember his name. The facility is still recommending I not tell her he has passed away but to redirect her. She hasn’t asked to go home for many months and today asked me who was taking her home. I don’t know the best way to answer her or how to cope with this. It breaks my heart when I’m already grieving losing my dad.
When it comes to your Mom asking to go home, please note for those with Alzheimer's/Dementia, home usually means their childhood home. Your Mom wants to see her parents, and any siblings she may have had.
My own Mom [98] asked to go home, and eventually I learned from clues which home she was talking about, it was the house where she was born and raised along with all her siblings. I had to use "theraputic fibs" any time she ask to go home, to see her parents, or to see her siblings. I just made up excuses that would make sense to my Mom, and it worked, until the next day when she asked again.
When she asks who's taking her home maybe ask "home where Mom"? (maybe) "We didn't need to move you to the hospital this time mom they took care of you right here in your apartment/room this time."
I wouldn’t tell your mom about your dad. She’s not going to remember it. She will continue to ask where he is and if you tell her, every time, that he died, she is going to grieve all over again. A therapeutic fib might be in order her, just tell her he wasn’t able to come to today or something.